Author's Note:
This story was commissioned as an unrelated spin-off story for Decor and is set in the Decor Universe.
Ed slammed back the last of his third pint of beer and wiped his mouth with his rolled-up sleeve. It had become a bad habit to head to the pub after work, but he couldn't bare being at home longer than necessary. Tonight, he invited his brother out to vent the frustrations stirring in his mind. After another pint, Michael showed up and took a seat.
"Ed, it's been a while. You're looking...well."
"It's her, Mike. You warned me and I didn't listen and now she's going to take me for everything, and I don't know what to do."
Ed took a drink to silence his rambling. Michael remained calm. He always was a good listener.
"Tell me what happened."
"It's not what happened, it's what's going to happen." Ed leaned in. "I get promoted in a few weeks and then she's going to slam me with the divorce papers. Karla's eighteen so she wants that bigger alimony. It's ridiculous."
Mike sipped his bear. Ed was surprised his brother was drinking, usually he ordered a virgin cocktail or water, when he really wanted to kill the vibe.
"What's wrong with you?" Ed said.
"Nothing. Look, I may have something to solve your problem. But it needs to be discrete."
Ed looked around and leaned in. "I'm listening."
"My boss just ordered us to destroy this device, but if you can keep it on the down low, I can grab you one off the books." Michael said.
"What kind of device?"
"You know those cameras at Decor? They have an unaware camera too."
"You mean I can freeze Kendra and she won't remember a thing?" Ed said trying to hide his joy.
It was almost too good to be true. Michael nodded. Ed was speechless. He always wanted to take his family to Decor, but being in the next city over killed any desire for his wife and daughter. Besides, why would they want to go to a raunchy and fun place with him? They went with their friends, leaving him with no one to enjoy the experience with.
"Of course, that's only a short-term solution." Michael said. "But I think I have another device in mind. Might take me a bit to get my hands on though."
"Oh, I think I'll have plenty to do while I wait."
The various uses of the unaware device ran through his mind. No more nagging from his wife and no more talking back from his daughter. They were going to learn how to be the perfect family.
"Now I need you to promise. You can only use it in the house. Is that clear?" Michael said and Ed nodded. "Because if this comes back on me, you're not going to like the consequences."
Ed put one hand on his heart and one hand up in the air. "Scouts honor."
Michael laughed and finished the last of his beer.
"One more round on me." Ed said.
He couldn't wait to get his hands on both devices.
***
It was a painful week of Kendra nagging and Karla misbehaving, but the day finally arrived. And just in time too. Ed's promotion was coming, and he knew Kendra was gearing up to hand him the papers asking him for 50% of his assets and a lifetime monthly payment so she never had to work again.
It wasn't always like that. They were madly in love in the beginning, even after they had their daughter. But his wife started thinking she deserved better and took it out on Ed. It's like she expected him to be a millionaire by this point in his life, but it just wasn't the reality of the situation. The sex life dried up and she started sleeping around looking for her next victim to latch on to.
Their daughter was eighteen now and still living at home. Her rebellious streak started with arm tattoos and continued with bringing boys home. Ed could handle her sneaking boys in, but it was the quality of guy that bothered him. Skinny, tattooed drug dealers. Knowing his daughter was smarter than that, he reckoned she was getting a friendly discount for inviting them over. Whatever the case, he was hoping for the day that he accidentally bumped into the school quarterback in the hallway at night. That he could live with.
Both women were a huge headache on top of his already stressful job. They latched on and sucked the little money he had to spend on himself to use for their own greedy needs. All that was going to change. Now he had the control. Or so he hoped. He just needed the perfect opportunity to test it.
The only thing keeping Ed sane was his man cave. A place where he could cut himself off from his daughter and wife and relax. Most of the entertainment items, and the room itself, were acquired and built during the early days of their happy relationship. They were so in love; Ed spent more time fucking Kendra than actually using the man cave for what it was designed. As the years wore on, he was happier every year that he kept it in good shape. The only thing he really needed to replace was the television, but even the one he had was a respectable size.
With his mini fridge stocked with beer and his feet rested up on his recliner foot stand, Ed leaned back and turned on the football game. Nothing like enjoying a cold one and watching his favorite team in a season they were heavily favored to win.
The rule was, if Ed was in his man cave, he was not to be disturbed. It was the only rule left still in effect from the many rules he established over the years. If it was even still in effect. The idea that his wife and daughter didn't care to bother him crossed his mind. In fact, they probably liked having the rest of the house to themselves. Ungrateful family.
Two beers deep with the game still in the first quarter, he heard the man cave door open behind him symbolically breaking the last rule standing. The familiar clicking sound of her high heels moved toward him at rapid pace.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Kendra stood in front of the television, her patented move to maximize his misery. She was dressed to the nines like always, with her tight dress that cut off just below the ass and her low neckline that gave everyone a perfect view of her surgically enhanced chest. He thought the gift of double D's would make her grateful, but it had the opposite effect. As the attention towards her increased, so did her confidence and entitlement. Of course, having every guy hanging off her also didn't help either. If there was one thing Ed wished he'd never done, it was getting her those damn silicon tits.
His wife still looked young thanks to Botox, her lips full of filler and her amazing body. He had to give her credit, she worked extremely hard to keep in shape. Of course, she had the luxury of free time and free money. God forbid she goes to work a real job and earn her own money.
"How dare you cancel my credit card." Kendra raised her voice. "Do you know how embarrassing it is to pull three different cards out at a fucking Starbucks?"
She shot the cards at him for added effect. Always the drama queen. Ed remained calm. He canceled the cards to get her attention and now he had it. All he had to do was use the device, but his curiosity got the better of him. How would she react if he acted like he didn't give a shit?
"You're cut off bitch."
It felt like a video game, where he had an extra life in case he fucked up. She stood incredulously in silence. There hadn't been much back talk for a while, she wasn't used to the resistance.
"Excuse me."
"You want money? Go get a job like the rest of us. Or maybe go open your legs a few times..."
Kendra smacked him across the face. So, getting physical was her reaction. He stood up and towered over her.
"You lay a hand on me, and I'll have my lawyer down here so fast..."
"Oh ya, is that before or after you take his big load in your..."
Kendra went for the slap, but Ed was equally quick with the camera in his hand, flashing it at her before she could follow through. He recoiled out of precaution. After a few seconds, he looked up at his raging wife, frozen with her hand mid-slap.
"Holy shit." Ed said.
He waved his hand in front of her face and there was no reaction. She was frozen and completely unaware. Ed bent her arm, so her slap was aiming up and gave her a high five.