---Entry 21/Divination 2/Fateful Awakening---
Dear Gretel,
For some reason, I woke up in a foul mood. You know every reason why by now as I vomit all my thoughts and accounts here, but even I am mystified by it. I'm probably going to write several entries throughout the day as I try to make sense of my feelings. Right now, of course I feel vigorously fucked from last night in that really good way, the kind that leaves me floating on air past the next dawn. The moment my feet hit the floor after waking up, I knew there was a weight on me. And I knew what was etched into that weight. I'd woken up hours before, just staring at the ceiling, sorting through my thoughts. I easily put aside last night's events as just a bad dream or another clever manipulation attempt by Esmeraude; the future was real. It IS real, it IS set, and it IS coming for me apparently.
All I felt like doing is reaching out to someone to talk to about this, someone that isn't mindfucked; that stipulation leaves me with very little options. It's no surprise that the first person I reach out to talk to is you Gretel. Your thoughts are mine, of course, but serving as a mirror of sorts for my thoughts help a lot.
In the cruelest irony, the first person I'd be running to talk to is Ma and Aunt Maggie; but if they were alive, I might not have even tried this endeavor. How I trust them with anything hurts a lot more now than it does. So as I get up, the first thing I'm going to do, which I never do, is pray to my passed elders for their guidance. Forgoing coffee, breakfast, or breakfast for jeremy (my morning orgasm). The first thing I'm going to do is get down to the floor, and put everything I've been about these past weeks into the great ether and ask Ma and Aunt Maggie for whatever help or advice they can or would be willing to give.
***
Taking some time after praying, I'm now showered, fed, and fucked again well, ready for a day I'm not ready for. Accepting that there is a fate with my name on it is one thing, but getting ready to fight it is another. I know my trio is all patiently waiting for me at Esther's apartment. I expect Esmeraude has prepped them to be ready for my arrival when I show, and to go easy on me when I do. But...I'm just not ready for that yet. Thinking of all the places I could go to talk about classified information with, one work around came to mind, which brought me to Kathie's college in the middle of the day. She was surprised to see her brother's car pull up to her dorm, and gave me a big hug, maybe confusing some of her friends around. I'd brought her some fast food I knew she liked along the way, and we ended up just talking in the car, parked in the lot of her dorm.
"So what's wrong?" Kathie eventually said, with her typical strong intuition.
We were both in the back seat when she asked it, as it felt nice to be chauffeured around. Before answering her, I reached over with my hand towards jeremy.
"The moons absence in day
means not an absence at all.
Words being spoken may be clear later,
but certainly not as you now fall."
Kathie's eyes were wider than normal, eyes twinkling as a million questions were on the tip of her tongue. That was the first actual spell I'd performed in-front of her, part of which was to help sent the mood for the conversation ahead, about power and consequences.
Negotiating vague descriptions with clear details wasn't an easy needle to thread, but this needle was willing to give me a wide berth at least.
"What if...what if as you become more adept in your hypnosis studies, you come across a form of it that literally blows everything else known out of the water?"
"Uhhh...." Kathie absence of words made her sip on her soda, well into slurping, stalling for an answer.
"Are you asking me if I would keep it a secret or not?"
"I'd ask if you'd keep doing it or not?"
"I mean, if I could do what you just did to bro here, fuck yeah keep going."
"But what if that draws some attention, the kind that doesn't like messing with the balance of...hypnosis."
"I mean, it's not your fault if...wait, those three rainbow-headed-"
"No, I didn't draw their attention. I mean..." it was so hard to qualify exactly what happened without giving too much away. Kathie nefarious smile told me she understood anyway.
"Ooohhhhh, wow. Like a student taking on professors?"
"...more like a savant taking on professors."
Kathie's preciously-innocent head shook up and down, accepting my attempt at modesty.
"But you took some professors, and now the whole university is after you about it?"
I stared at her pointedly, nearly hating how easily she sussed out most details I didn't want her to get wind of. That was enough of an answer.
"If it's at that point, I say screw the old school and go new school on them. Start your own."