Trance Inc. 16

"What is

she

doing here?"

Carmen's voice was surprised and, to my astonishment, accusatory. Emerald eyes flashed angrily. "This is

my

place. Why would you invite her here? After everything I've been going through!"

"Your place?" I asked. My voice was quiet, and it seemed to have the intended effect.

The girl hesitated. "Well...

Our

place, I mean... Of course, baby. But..."

"And I didn't invite her," I went on. I took a cautious step closer to the teen, who was standing just inside the door. Carmen had entered, seen Victoria on her living room couch wearing just a bathrobe and nothing else, and dropped her purse to the floor with a gasp of surprise and outrage. Admittedly, I should have planned this encounter better. "Victoria came to see

us

. Under a white flag of truce, you might say."

I glanced over at Victoria, but the older brunette offered no aid.

Carmen snorted. "Right," she snapped. "A truce. That's why I come home from a long, stressful day of work to see that my boyfriend has been fucking another woman in my living room while I was gone." She bent, snatched up her purse, kicked the door shut behind her and started to storm past me. Her face was tight and angry, but I could see the first glimmers of tears in her green eyes.

"Woah there..." I said, raising my hands and stepping in the way. "

Another woman?

What does

that

mean? Victoria isn't some other woman. She's a part of our relationship. A big part. And she's here because she could see that our whole family is falling apart and we need to come together to fix it."

The crimson-haired nymph stopped, just outside arm's reach. She stared daggers at me, then turned her eyes to Victoria. "I hope you're happy," she snarled. Her small hands were curled into fists. "You've got what you came for. He's obviously on your side now..."

Carmen's words hurt as they landed, sinking deep as knives, and even harder than weathering them was knowing that they hurt her even more. After my discussion with Victoria, I was finally able to see what the woman had been talking about. Carmen was lost, trapped in a story where she was the constant victim of a thoughtless, uncaring world. Where everyone she loved and relied on had turned against her.

"Angel..." I murmured. I wanted to take a step closer, but I knew I probably shouldn't. "Can you please just hear me out? Just for a second. And then, if you're still angry, you can kick me out, can kick Victoria out, can do whatever you need."

The redhead sniffed, wiped the back of her wrist swiftly under one eye, and then glared at me. "Fine. If you want to leave with her, fine. See if I care."

I considered my next words very carefully. When I spoke, I did it with intention. "I was wrong," I said. "I hurt you, and I'm sorry, but please know that it was never intentional." My unexpected tack was rewarded, because Carmen's brow furrowed and she suddenly seemed almost as confused as she was upset.

"What do you mean...?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest. She sounded apprehensive. "What else did you do?"

I paused again, resisted the urge to glance at Victoria for guidance, and forged ahead. I met Carmen's eyes and my gaze was frank. "I've been treating you poorly," I said. "I've been encouraging you to hide out here, away from the people who love you, and I know it's been hurting you to be away from them. I know it's hurting you because it's been hurting me. But I did it because I was afraid to go back. Because

I

messed up at Thanksgiving and

you

stood up for me, and you faced the consequences as much as I did."

I trailed off, to give her the opportunity to respond. I couldn't force her into anything, I'd realized. The only thing I could do was accept my blame and, hopefully, show her that I was willing to change. Maybe that would be enough to help her change, too. Or see the light. Or whatever she needed, to find her way out of the dark place where she'd been ensnared.

"What are you talking about, Chance?" Carmen's voice was less angry now. In fact, it was almost indignant. "You know I'm the one who freaked out. I'm the one who blew up and yelled at Day. I'm the one who stormed off... You came after

me

, remember?"

I didn't respond, just watched the 18-year-old's face as a dozen different emotions raced across it.

"You think you can just take all the blame?" she scowled. "You think that that will make everything better? If you just take it all on your shoulders? I've tried that. Don't you think I've tried that? I've been trying to shoulder all the burdens for me and Day ever since we were little. It doesn't work. It doesn't

fucking

work! No matter how much you try to take, things don't get better. They just build and build and then

bang!

Everything falls apart. You think saying sorry is going to fix anything?!"

I shook my head. "I don't think that," I murmured.

"Then what?!" the girl demanded. Her narrow jaw was hard and sharp, but her lip trembled. "What do you think is the master solution that will solve all our problems?" She was staring into my face, and I think in that moment she forgot that Victoria was even there.

I certainly did. All I could see was the wounded, frightened young woman in front of me. She was ready to bolt, like a startled deer, but despite her anger she was giving me a chance. I could see now that she wanted to believe me, she wanted to believe that things could get better, but she had no idea how they could. "I think," I said carefully, "that problems will keep adding weight to our shoulders until we fix them. And I know that

I,

at least, need to face my problems. So that they stop adding those burdens onto me."

Carmen's cheeks were wet, shining in the late afternoon light that filtered through the big windows across the room.

"That's why Victoria is here," I went on. Still, I never looked away from Carmen's feverish eyes. "Because she helped to remind me that there are people who care about us, who want what's best for us, who

love

us. And those people miss us and want us back, but only if we can face up to what we did wrong. Because that's the only way we can put these issues to rest."

The teen's mouth worked quietly for a moment. She sniffed. The tension in her body mounted. Then,

"Fuck!"

she sobbed, and she stumbled back against the closed front door, sliding down to the floor with her legs curled up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her shins and dropped her forehead to her knees. I could see her shoulders shuddering.

Now, I did look to Victoria for advice.

The woman gestured silently with her head.

Get over there, dummy,

her eyes seemed to be saying.

Right,

I thought. I crossed swiftly and dropped to my knees in front of the girl. "Hey, love," I said quietly, letting my hands rest lightly on her shoulders. I brushed gently up and down her arms.

"I'm such a bitch..." Carmen whispered, not looking up. "All I do is hurt the people I care about."

"No..." My arms wrapped protectively around her, and I kissed the top of her head. "Enough of that, baby. I'm scared to go back, too. But we can do it together, right?"

The teen hesitated until I cocked my head and tipped her chin back with one finger. A thin line of black makeup marred one cheek.

"Right?" I asked. I smiled a little, hopeful smile.

Carmen sniffed. Her eyes flicked past me to Victoria, then back to my face. She chewed her lips for a second, then nodded. "Yeah," she quietly agreed. "We can do it together..."

* * *

The decision was made quickly, but the logistics were a little harder to manage.

I knew that if Carmen and I were returning to the others then there were going to be apologies in order, and explanations required. I had already explained the Amber situation to Victoria — the reason that Lassiter had been at Thanksgiving, and the reason that I'd been so much more withdrawn and preoccupied the past few weeks — but I still owed Daisy the same. And, for obvious reasons, it would be best if Amber wasn't present. I hadn't noticed at the time, but in hindsight it was easy to recognize that my emotional withdrawal toward Carmen was, in large part, due to the fact that she was the only one who was in on the secret. After telling Vi what had been going on, I felt

instantly

more comfortable, like an invisible barrier between us had been lifted.

Carmen, too, was going to have to be prepared to offer her own explanation, as well as an apology to her sister and to the rest of her companions. If anything, I think the young redhead was more nervous than I was.

Victoria called ahead, making sure that Daisy was back home in my apartment for the evening and Amber was once again "working late." If experience was any indication, I knew that we probably had a few hours before the woman returned and complicated matters.

Complicate is an understatement,

I thought. I wished, not for the first time, that Amber could just come out and tell me what was going on with her. Despite knowing that I owed her an apology just as much as the others — for the distance I'd put between us, and for ruining a family event through my own thoughtlessness — I couldn't wrap my head around what I would say. It was strange, because while I knew that I owed Amber an explanation, she herself was at the heart of many of my recent issues.

What do you do when you know you've treated someone poorly, but they still haven't admitted that they, in part, deserved it? Was there a way to mend things between us without bringing up the underlying falsehoods that kept us divided?

One problem at a time,

Angel Chance told me, hovering on my shoulder and patting my head kindly. My conscience was pleased with me, I could tell, happy that I was finally facing up to my mistakes and trying to reconcile with the people who were closer to me than family.

Devil Chance just huffed, snorted and sulked.

I knew I'd taken steps in the right direction. But I also knew that it was going to be a long, hard night.

* * *

Daisy was waiting in the living room.

She'd obviously gotten back from work a while ago, because she'd changed into her blue hoodie and wore a pair of clingy black yoga pants with slashing neon patterns that crisscrossed down her legs. She was curled up in one of the chairs, facing the door, knees underneath her and attention conspicuously focused.

The discomfort was palpable when we walked in: first Victoria, next me and then Carmen, bringing up the rear. A glance over my shoulder revealed that Daisy's twin was waiting in the doorway, one hand on the wall, watching her sister with the same intense concentration. It was odd, to look from one identical face to the other and to see the same ill ease.

No one wanted to break the silence.

I cleared my throat, and three sets of eyes swiveled my way. I took several more steps into the room and sat back on the sofa, slowly, hoping that the movement would give me time to think of what I wanted to say. Somehow, arriving in the young woman's presence had wiped from my mind all potential statements that had been conceived in my mind while we drove home.

I leaned forward now, elbows on my thighs, and clasped my hands together. I pressed my knuckles to my mouth, for a moment, then stared into Daisy's eyes. They were the dark, calm green that I remembered, but very obviously conflicted. As I looked closer, I could see the effort that she was investing in maintaining her composure.

"I'm sorry." The words came out, unbidden. Once they did, though, I knew that they were the only ones I could have used. "I'm sorry," I repeated, and I blocked out anything except for the young woman in front of me. "I'm sorry that my thoughtlessness put you in a terrible situation. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to own up to it at the time, and that I went through with it in spite of your feelings. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when I should have."

I hope you can forgive me,

I wanted to say, but those words were too painful to say. And I wasn't sure I deserved to say them.

The 18-year-old didn't answer for a moment. She just stared into my face, examining me, and I could see the turmoil in her gaze. She was forcing herself to stay together, to be calm and in control. I could tell, in that moment, that she wanted to do nothing more than fling herself across the space between us and into my arms. All it would take from me was a word, a gesture, a look...

But just like I hadn't been able to use the TRANCE trigger on Victoria earlier in the afternoon, I couldn't force Daisy to let go of her pain and frustration. I had to give her the freedom to act on her own.

Finally, the girl nodded. "Thank you for your apology," she said. Her voice got stuck halfway through, and she had to clear her throat before proceeding. "I hope you mean it, and I hope that you'll never make me go through anything like that again..." She pressed her lips together in a hard line and looked down at her hands. They were twisting around each other, slowly, her knuckles white with pressure.

I nodded. Then, I waited for her to look back up at me and nodded again. "I promise," I said simply. There was a conviction in my voice that surprised me. I was bad with promises, generally. Call it a character flaw. They made me feel trapped, doomed to disappoint. But in this moment, I knew that nothing could compel me to be so thoughtless again.

Daisy sniffed. She bit her lip, then glanced from me to Victoria. "Did you tell him what to say?" she asked.

The brunette beauty shook her head. "I did not."

The teen swallowed again, nodding. "Okay..." She looked back at me, and her expression slowly dissolved. In seconds, she transformed from a queen of calm into a young woman who had desperately missed one of her closest friends.

"Can I just... Can you please hold me for a minute?"

Something stuck in my own throat, preventing me from speech. So I just nodded, and opened my arms, and then the girl was rising from her chair and crossing to the couch and straddling my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck.

There are moments when you fall in love all over again. When you remember why you care, and you know how lucky you are that the other person feels the same way. In that moment, I didn't tell Daisy that I loved her. But both of us knew it. Both of us felt it.

It was a long minute, but no one moved.

When Daisy finally raised her head, she kissed my forehead gently and looked past. Without speaking, her eyes sought out her sister. I turned to look after her, and my heart went out to the young woman standing in the doorway.

Carmen didn't just look uncomfortable. She looked petrified. But she wet her lips and worked her mouth and said, "Day..." Her voice was hoarse.

But Daisy shook her head. Her expression was firm, without being cold. "You and I are going to have a talk."

Carmen nodded. "Yeah..."

"Alone."

"That's probably... best."

"Bedroom?"

"Okay..."

"Let's go." Daisy glanced down into my face searchingly for an instant, then swung herself off my lap. Standing, she walked to the doorway and gestured to her twin. "After you." Carmen turned, and the two walked silently across the hall into the bedroom. The door closed behind them.

I checked Victoria, who was still standing. She was staring after the twins, a thoughtful expression on her face, but turned to look at me before crossing to the sofa. She sat down at the far end, slipped her feet from her heels, and then put them up in my lap. Instinctively, my hands began to gently massage her soles and toes.

"So..." I said quietly, after a long moment.

Victoria, who had let her eyes slide blissfully closed, lifted her eyebrows without opening them. "Hmm?"

"That seemed to go... well."

The woman didn't answer for a moment, and I focused on my task. It was oddly relaxing, working my thumbs and fingers into her feet and then a little way up her calf, forcefully enough to get at the kinks without causing any discomfort.

"Better than I expected," Victoria answered, her voice contemplative.

"I'm lucky she's so put together," I said.

"Mmm...." the brunette agreed. "And you were better than I had hoped, too. For someone who can be so thoughtless you really know how to turn on the charisma when you need to."

Me?

I thought, but didn't voice my surprise. It was probably the first time in my life someone had called me charismatic. "Thank you," I said. A pause, then, "What do you think they're talking about? Is Daisy going to forgive her sister?"

Victoria stretched, flexing her toes and then pulling her legs back and crossing them in front of her. She pushed herself up from her reclined position against the arm of the chair. "I really need to get a mute button for my foot massager," she commented dryly.

"Sorry," I said, but my smile was a cheeky one.

The brunette sighed. "If I had to guess," she told me, "Daisy and Carmen are both airing their grievances. Both of them did things that the other finds hard to forgive, but with Day at the helm I'd imagine they'll have a productive conversation and find a way past it. They're both young and impulsive and hormonal and sometimes thoughtless, but they've been best friends since they were little girls." Victoria laughed softly. "They'll be able to work through a bit of boy trouble. Probably have had to do it before."

"And the other stuff...?" I asked. I was thinking of Daisy's small, innocent vape pen.

"That, too," Victoria agreed, though her smile faded a little.

A pause, then I probed. "Where do

we

stand on that?"

The brunette cocked her head at me.

"Daisy... smoking weed... I don't know, have you three had a talk about it? Anything that I should be aware of?" I was out of my depth, floundering and feeling it. I didn't want to sound judgmental or condemning. And I certainly wasn't trying to be an authority figure in anyone's life. But I couldn't help but feel some measure of responsibility for the young woman.

"Mm," Victoria murmured, understanding. "Well..." The woman stretched. "Amber and I did talk with Daisy about it. Apparently Day had gone a while without smoking, six months or more, after Carmen got upset and told her it was going to ruin her life. But that night out at the club finally broke her streak. She was so stressed out, so worried about everything with Carmen and her family, that she got high that night and started using her vape most days. She said it made her feel better, less uptight and anxious all the time. Less worried about being little Miss Perfect." Victoria gave me a sidelong glance. "Whatever Carmen may say about taking the blame and shouldering responsibility, Daisy feels like she's the one who has to be perfect. Always. And that's no small burden."

Daisy? Uptight and anxious?

I furrowed my brow in confusion.

Is that really how she sees herself?

I felt an odd sense of loss when Victoria explained the situation. Or disappointment. Like I'd missed out on an important discussion because of my own foolish stubbornness. I nodded though. "Thanks for telling me." In that moment, I resolved that I wouldn't ever put myself in that position again. I would be there for these women, like Victoria had been there for me today. Even though it was hard. Even when it wasn't all fun and games.

Victoria nodded. "Of course."

But I still wasn't clear on all the details. "So where do we stand now? We're fine with it?"

The dark-haired woman shrugged, making a face. "I know what the research says. Marijuana can be dangerous for teens because their brains are still developing. And I care for Daisy. We all do. I can see Carmen's concern, and I wish that Day were willing to stop on her own. But at the same time..." she trailed off, shaking her head. "We can't tell her what she can and can't do. We're not her parents. Even if we were, we know how well

that

relationship worked out. These girls are independent, and more mature than a lot of teenagers, but they're also used to getting their own way. It's hard to get either of them to do something they don't want to do. In fact, I think it almost guarantees them wanting to do it even more. So, for now, Amber and I decided that it's safest to let Daisy do what she feels she needs to. How Carmen handles that? Up to her. But I hope you can see where we're coming from."