The first week of his therapy with Dr. Rivers was definitely an adjustment. She asked that John start to keep a record of when he had the thoughts and fantasies that had brought him to see Her in the first place. What was the fantasy about? Who was the focal point of the fantasy? How did he feel while he was thinking about it? He was to briefly answer the questions each time and compile them in an email to Her daily.
She did not always respond, but when one of the fantasies involved Her, there would be a responding email. She would ask him questions about how it made him feel and if it was more intense than his other fantasies. She would ask him if how strongly he desired to act out the fantasies and if he was getting aroused thinking about being at Her feet again.
At first, he balked at the questions and wondered what good this was doing to help him, but She always had a reason for Her questions. It was to draw out the side of him that wanted these things. Having one focal point and making it more real would allow him to finally uncover the cause for it. She told him this was where the trust in Her was most important and that he needed to be honest with Her and himself in order to get through this.
She had also given him a sound file to listen to that would help him with his breathing exercises and allow him to relax. She also let him know it would allow him to feel more comfortable being open with Her in their sessions. He listened to it each night before he went to sleep and found it actually allowed him to get to sleep much faster than he was accustomed to.
Her final instruction for him was to try and not bring himself to orgasm unless She thought it necessary as part of his therapy. Her reason was that he needed to give up the control of his gratification to Her, so She could help him discover what was at the root of his 'dark' fantasies. This was definitely the most difficult part of the therapy for him. It was almost embarrassing to him that he felt like asking Her several times in the first week to please let him cum. He found himself thinking that he should just do it because he wanted to. The thought of failing in his therapy in the very first week kept him chaste, at least until he could speak about it with Her in their second session.
At times the week seemed to drag on but finally he was back in the waiting room of Her office turning the knob to the door that led him back to Her. When he entered She was sitting in the chair next to the white leather couch he had been on during their first session. She was wearing a form fitting gold dress with matching gold heels. The light from the windows made her bare, tan legs seem to glow softly in the light.
She was smiling at him when his eyes drifted back up to Her face, "hello John, please excuse my attire but I have a function right after our session and won't have time to change." She motioned towards the couch, "as I said time is short and the second session is always vital in order to review your therapy assignment and make sure you are on track going forward. Please lay down so we can get started."
He walked over and situated himself on the couch, so he was again facing Her as he had the previous week. She did not get into any pleasantries before starting in with questions, "so did you have any trouble with your assignments? I enjoyed reading your fantasy descriptions for the week by the way."
He wasted no time in getting to his biggest gripe, "I am definitely having trouble with this whole no orgasm thing."
She nodded Her head in apparent understanding, "John that is always the toughest thing to get past. You have had control of it your whole life. You are used to getting your own way in most areas, if not all areas of your life, aren't you?"
"Well...I guess so," he began before She plowed on.
"That is the key to this whole thing John, giving up control once in a while. You have to have enough trust in others to give up some control once in a while knowing that it is necessary to place trust in some people or some person. You have to have this trust if you are ever going to allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone. That is true control John. The power to let yourself go and give in to the care of someone else. It is no mean feat." She uncrossed and re-crossed Her legs drawing his eyes to them again. They were tan, smoothly and shapely, "why don't we start taking some breaths John. Just do some deep breathing like you have been practicing."
He did as She asked and was surprised to find how quickly he began to feel that relaxing feeling tingling through his body, "that's right John. Just focus on the soft glow of My legs as you breathe in and feel your eyes already getting heavy. You are already noticing how well the training is working to help you relax. Just breathe and relax and start to feel our trust breaking down those walls. Feeling relaxed and as the walls start to fall. Feel that vulnerability you are exposing. It is tied to your arousal John. You might describe it as a feeling of weakness John, but it is actually your own vulnerability."
He listened to her words and just enjoyed looking at Her and the way Her words seemed to relax him even more. His eyes were getting, "so heavy now John. So sleepy and vulnerable here with Me. A woman you can finally trust John. I can help you relax and help you with your problems. Help make you better John. I can help make you stronger."
