My divorce had left me depressed to the point where I contemplated ending my life. Every day as I drove home from work tears would fill my eyes and I'd sob uncontrollably as I headed for my new, small one room apartment.
After a month of this, I knew I had to get some help. I did the research and found a therapist who came highly recommended. I have to admit; I never put much stock into therapy. I probably got a negative impression of it courtesy of my ex-wife. She went twice a week and it never seemed to help her at all.
It took me a while to warm up to Dr. Herzog. She and her husband ran a practice in a posh office in Birmingham. It was a bit of a hike from where I worked but it seemed to help once I got over my initial reticence to open up and share my problems. I had been shut down for so long by my ex- that sharing was scary.
One thing that helped immensely was Dr. Herzog's calm, soothing voice and delicate manner. She kept her office dimly lit, making it easy for me to relax. It was my fourth or fifth session as I sat, reaching for words, that I tuned into the sound of her ticking grandfather clock. "Wow," I said. "The ticking, the low lights, you could probably hypnotize me without much effort."
"Is that something that interests you?" she asked, with more interest in her voice than I thought she should have. Being the way I am, the idea that I might please her by being into hypnosis made me immediately ascent.
"Oh, yes, that might help me get over some of these barriers I have; let me open up easier."
"Interesting," she noted, "let's discuss that more next week."
From then on, the last twenty minutes or more of each session were spent putting me under. It took a while the first few times but, after I got used to it, Dr. Herzog could put me into a hypnotic state with a word. Being under hypnosis reminded me quite a bit of being drunk. And, like drinking too much, there were times where I would awake with black holes in my memory. That is, twenty minutes would have passed but it felt like two.
My life really started to turn around. I felt so much better, having discussed things that I hadn't ever talked about before. I made connections and started to figure out why I had allowed myself to get into such an awful relationship. Moreover, I actually felt physically better. I started losing weight and this helped improve my feeling of self-esteem.
Then came the day I'll never forget.
"Louis, you've been coming here for nearly a year now and you seem to be making great leaps in your progress. I want you to know exactly why that is," said Dr. Herzog as she sat down across from me. She crossed her shapely legs and I looked up quickly to her eyes, trying to not appear distracted. "Today is the day that we introduce you to yourself."
Puzzled, I let her words hang in the air. "Yes," she said, "I know that sounds strange. But it's been helpful for me to think of you as two people for the last few months. There's Louis, who sits here before me, and there's someone else that occupies this room when you're here."
"Okay, now you're starting to freak me out. This sounds like THE EXORCIST or something." I chuckled nervously.
"If you'll allow me, I'm going to put you under hypnosis and take you to a state where you will see who I'm talking about."
With a word, she put me under, but brought me out of it enough for me to see through the haze. "Now, just be patient, Louis, and follow my lead." With that, she crossed the room to retrieve a full length mirror which she placed across from me. But, it couldn't have been a mirror as it didn't reflect my own image. Rather, it seemed to be a painting of a beautiful woman. But... did I see the painting move?
"Louis, meet Wendy. Wendy, this is Louis."
"Hello," I said, and heard my own voice twice. One was my normal tone and, above that, I heard a higher pitched feminine voice also saying "Hello."
Seeing how confused I was, Dr. Herzog began to explain. "Louis, it was clear after just a few of our sessions that you are, and always have been, for lack of a better term, a sissy. I could tell by your mannerisms and, once I had you in a hypnotic state, I could dig deeper and find that my theory was valid. You have scores of repressed memories that have been gnawing at you for years. After consulting heavily with my husband, we decided that the best thing for you was to bring out your 'sissy side' and allow her to flourish. Her name is Wendy. That was her own name, not one that we provided."
The whole while Dr. Herzog was talking, I watched Wendy. She smoothed down her short skirt, crossed and uncrossed her legs self-consciously, and adjusted her brunette locks. I felt very bad for Dr. Herzog, knowing that she must be having some kind of breakdown, thinking that this other woman in the room wasn't real.
Yet, every time Dr. Herzog said that name, "Wendy," I felt an electric charge run down my spine.
"She's been inside of you since you were ten. It's not as though you have multiple personality disorder - my husband and I have seen this kind of thing before with other patients. You simply have denied yourself and your needs for so long that Wendy grew apart from you. We've brought her out of the dark, shown her the light, and now it's time to reconcile."
And, with that, the girl in the mirror was gone. She was replaced by my own image. I held up my hand to touch the surface of the glass and that was when I noticed that my fingernails were long and painted deep red. I looked down to see myself no longer in my khaki pants and oxford shirt but in a skirt and blouse. I reached down to make sure that this wasn't some kind of optical illusion. But, no, I was now dressed exactly as Wendy. And the thought washed over me, "I am Wendy."
With that, it felt like I had been dipped into a cool stream. My body relaxed, my posture changed, the world seemed a bit brighter. I felt wide awake, rather than in hypnosis. My body tingled everywhere.
"Welcome back, Wendy," said Dr. Herzog. "It's always a pleasure to have you here."
