I headed into work and checked in with Fiona. She was looking a bit off and was telling everyone that we'd had a bit too much to drink last night. She came down to the warehouse for a bit of fresh air around mid-morning and we did at least manage to have a mostly private chat.
"How are you Fiona? I feel so guilty."
"I'm OK. It doesn't feel great to be honest but it's not your fault. And I know that our accident overshadowed things a bit but I had a great night last night."
"Me too."
"Sweeney's was just brilliant and so was someone else I can think of," and she leaned over and gave me a kiss.
"How did it go with your parents last night? They didn't look too impressed to me."
"I'm afraid that they've decided that you're leading me astray. We were up quite late into the evening trying to talk it out. We've sort of agreed to disagree but I don't know what they want. Maybe for me not to grow up."
"I don't know what to say, Fiona. I hate feeling like the bad guy."
"You're not. It was going to happen at some point. They just need to see that their little girl has grown up."
"I don't need to stop seeing you do I?"
As I said it I realised that I sounded quite needy. I really didn't want to stop seeing Fiona.
"We might need to cool things off for a while. Maybe give it a week or two to let them calm down? I'll call you from the phone box so we can have an actual conversation and let you know what's going on."
"OK..."
"Hey, it's just temporary."
"Well family is important, so you need to do the right thing."
"I know. But for me as well as for them."
And she turned and leaned up against me, pushing her whole body up as close to me as it would go and we kissed.
"Ahem. If I'm not interrupting, maybe we can get some work done around here."
"Sorry, Nick."
We both blushed. She squeezed my hand before heading back up to the finance office.
Today was quite a slow day. It was a bit overcast and so I was given the dullest of all dull jobs - counting stuff to see if we actually have the same number of things in stock that the computer says we should.
It is truly monotonous but it did give me some time to try and clear my mind of my guilt about Fiona and her parents. More importantly, it gave me time to think about my use of the Pulse.
A lot of things about the Pulse truly scared me. What I'd done to those rapists was truly deserved but the fact that they could be vegetables for the rest of their lives is horrific. I had the power to do that. Who made me judge, jury and executioner?
It also made me doubt my relationships. Who was I influencing and would they have wanted to be with me without the Pulse? It was one of the reasons that I didn't want to use it to change how Jennifer felt about me. Sure, I could have shut her up and forced her to like me but I don't think that I could live with myself if I was basing all my dealings with people on manipulation and coercion.
Which made the uncontrolled emotional outbursts all the more worrying.
What would happen the next time that someone I cared for was in danger? Would I kill someone? The thought made me shudder and I started to look inside at the swirling Orb in my mind. The tangled threads whirled ominously and...wait...was it smaller than when I last looked at it?
It was tough to tell as it was always in motion. Maybe I was imagining things.
I sighed deeply.
The Pulse had had a massive positive effect on my life. I'd helped people. I'd done good things with it. I'd stopped a break in, stopped a gang rape. These were all good things. I'd managed to get people to look at me as a normal human being and made my last few weeks of school almost pleasurable. I'd become more confident and I was dating. Actual females wanted to be with me.
And yet I couldn't help wishing that it had never happened to me.
I was uncomfortable with what might happen and the responsibility that it carried. Part of that was the not knowing. Could I fly? Probably. How long for? No idea. How could I hide the fact from everyone that saw me if I did fly? I couldn't mentally influence everyone I met.
Or could I? I had visions of myself flying through the air on a surge of red power with blue threads flowing out of me like a spider's web.
That was the lure of the power calling me. Making me think that I could do anything.
Of course I couldn't. I was already becoming exhausted and eating massive amounts using the Pulse as I was. Who knows what significant usage would do to me?
It was so frustrating to only know a small amount about what I could or should be doing. Of what the Pulse was capable of.
I looked at a particularly large crate of post footings that I needed to count. I reached for the Pulse and tried to figure out whether I could use it to count the number of items in there. Nothing.
I sighed and started pulling them out of the crate and doing it the old fashioned way.
The day dragged on and on. Nick eventually took pity on me and set me to moving stuff around with the pallet truck. It was the least enjoyable day's work I'd had in months.
I went upstairs at the end of the day with the much brighter prospect of seeing Fiona but her parents had been in to collect her five minutes earlier.
Fuck.
I left work in a pretty foul mood and nearly forgot to stop at the off licence to pick up a bottle for the party. I sat outside the shop in my car and wondered again whether I should go.
Dammit, this was the sort of thinking that had dogged me for the last six years. That was the hesitant, unsure version of me. I was angry with myself for falling into that hole again. I'd go to the party and if I didn't like it then I'd leave but at least I wouldn't be living in my fears.
Could, woulda shoulda be damned!
Suitably uplifted, I bought a bottle of champagne and four cans of stella artois and drove home to get ready.
When I got home I found Mum and Dad sorting stuff out that Dad would be taking when he moved out. I got a real lump in my throat watching them being so matter of fact about it. The bookshelf in our sitting room would take a significant hit when he left. Other than the property details that he had shown me this was the first moment that made the divorce seem real. It was for the best though. I couldn't go back to the days of the two of them screaming at each other.
I showered and got changed into a smart shirt (another one of Dad's) and a pair of shorts. I chucked some clean underwear, some swimming stuff, my work gear and a toothbrush in a bag and went digging in the loft to find a sleeping bag to take with me.
By the time I was decent Mum had a couple of toasties for me which I wolfed down.
"Take it easy tonight, sweetie. You don't have to drink yourself into a stupor just because school has finished you know."
"I know Mum. It'll be spread out through the evening anyway and I'm sure there'll be food there. I'll head straight to work tomorrow though so I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."
"It's roast beef so don't you forget!"
"My favourite! See you later. Love you."