The old me would have known what to do next. I can picture her in my mind's eye, see her easy and unshakeable confidence even though I have no idea what she's so confident about--it's like in dreams, when you finally find an old book you've been looking for ever since you were a child, and you know you're seeing the title you've forgotten even though you can't actually read the words? And your whole chest aches with nostalgia when you wake up because you're so sure you remembered it but you don't actually know what it was? That's what it's like looking at myself before Master found me.
Except I don't actually know how to read anymore. It was one of the first things to go, surprisingly enough; I know I used to be a big reader, but once Master got the logins for my social media he kept adding one porn account after another that catered perfectly to all the new fetishes he was giving me, so I wound up spending hours and hours just letting my fingers do the walking while I scrolled through gif after gif of braindead sluts sucking and fucking and jilling themselves stupid until the words became squiggles and my cunt was a leaky mess. It was one of the ways he made me vul... vulner... one of the ways he made me all wet and needy and easy to brainwash.
And it worked so well. I'm so brainwashed now, even though I fought his control and slipped out when he wasn't around to ask me where I was going in that tone of command that always makes me so weak and ditzy and drippy between my legs. I'm outside, and I even kind of managed to put on clothes if you don't count me getting confused about which buttons went with which holes on my shirt and finding the whole idea of panties a little bit too hard to puzzle my way through after I wore my brain out putting on a skirt. But I just... I don't know where to go or what to do now that I'm out here.
And I know I would have known once. A long time ago, months and months ago before I met Master, I would have been able to drive a car or call a friend or talk to someone who would make Master unbrainwash me. I don't know who those people are, not anymore, but I think the old Kenzie would have just figured it out somehow. I want to believe the old Kenzie was so much smarter than me, but she was the one who thought she could let Master into her head for fun and sex and good kinky times without being affected by it, so maybe she was the really dumb one after all.
But she would know what to do here. She wouldn't be sitting on a park bench a few blocks away from Master's place, turned around and completely lost and not seeing any places she knew after spending so long living her whole life in Master's bedroom, trying hard not to hike up her skirt and play with herself because that was what Master taught her to do whenever she tried to think. The woman I used to be would be smarter than that. I wish I knew how to be her again.
I thought I already started, I really did. When I took my fingers out of my pussy and looked at the bedroom door and found myself realizing I could just open it and walk out, I truly believed it was the start of something special inside my fuzzy little brain. For the first time in... god, I don't know, it seems like forever... I didn't just let the thought melt away into sticky pink bliss that made me want to play with myself all over again. I caught it and I held it and I honest to god went through the steps in my head of what a person needed to do to go outside without thinking they were a dopey dum-dum who needed a Master to take care of them.
I put on
