My mind was buzzing as I left the offices in Richmond, South London. I'd had a fantastic meeting and now I made my way to the tube station to head back into London. I had another meeting later in the afternoon and was hoping to do a little window shopping before then.
I clip clopped in my heels past the small green and the huge houses that lined the streets. It seemed so distant from the hustle and bustle of London but was only some twenty minutes away by tube.
The aroma of a small coffee shop grasped my attention as I passed through town but I dragged myself on and was soon descending the steps to the platform. A train was sat waiting, not due to leave for another eight minutes. I stepped aboard and settled into a seat.
I was dressed for work, not for hiking and my heels pinched a little. I had on a dark skirt suit that came to just above my knees, a white blouse that seemed to become more sheer as the day went on and as I'm not the tallest of people I'd allowed myself to wear some fairly high heels. I wasn't off to any fashionable party, just work and I needed to look the part.
So one down and one to go I smiled to myself. I'd been assured by the first client that we had their business; if I could get a result from the second client I deserved a treat but I'd probably have to treat myself.
There were only a handful of people sat on the train, waiting for it eventual departure. Then just as I began to fumble in my purse another stepped aboard.
"Oh my god." I thought to myself and I felt my jaw begin to drop a little.
He was amazing, probably some male model because he was gorgeous and simply amazing. He had on a t-shirt that showed off his firm, muscular body but not too big. He didn't have breasts which is always good in a man. His skin was tanned beautifully but he didn't look orange. Maybe he was Italian I thought to myself or some relation of Rafael Nadal.
I sank back in my seat almost staring at him as the voices in my head made rude remarks and some pretty rude suggestions.
"Well are you going to talk to him?" One of the voices suddenly asked. I was shocked, really shocked because this voice sounded a lot like a man's; and nothing like my own.
I glanced up at the target of my affection and wondered how old he was. Late twenties maybe?
"Oh at least late twenties" the voice said sarcastically.
This really didn't sound like one of the usual voices I hear. Not that I hear voices as in the voice of god or the devil. My voices are more like the ones that egg you on to do something you know you will regret later but the voice says what the hell.
"So are you going to talk to him or just be his stalker for the rest of the day?"
"Who is that?" I blurted out loudly, getting everyone's attention. I quickly pulled out my phone as if I'd received a call but felt really stupid.
"Well done, I don't think anyone noticed" the voice said and began to laugh.
Laughing in my head, oh shit what was happening to me. I began to feel a little frantic and was thinking I should get off the train in case I feinted but right at that moment we began to jerk our way out of the station.
I tried desperately to compose myself and think of something different. I glanced around the carriage and finally back to the young guy again as his gaze caught mine and he smiled.
I tried to relax and felt quite a lift after the smile I received. I dismissed the voices as some mild form of psychosis. I took some papers from my attachΓ© case and began to thumb through, more as a way to occupy myself.
A few stops later and the young man left his seat and waited to leave the train. As the train ground to a halt he turned and gave me a teasing smile and I gave one back. As the train pulled away I watched him walking away, an exciting opportunity missed, possibly.
I continued to thumb through my paperwork, calm, relaxed and focused on my meeting to come.
"I'm sorry" the voice in my head suddenly returned.
"What for, you didn't do anything" I thought to myself, putting the strange voice down to my conscience playing up.
"Do you believe there are people that can read minds?" The voice asked.
I giggled to myself.
"If someone read my mind, it would be so embarrassing, thank god it is just fantasy." I told myself. "Yes, fantasy but I really did enjoy your fantasy of how you would ravage that young mans body."
I sat bolt upright in my seat, startling those passengers closest to me. Now that really didn't feel like my conscience and I slowly glanced up and down the train. I felt a little paranoid as I tried to tell myself it wasn't real.
"Rian, not all fantasy is fiction." The voice said calmly.
I shook my head as if trying to break away from the voice, telling myself to get a grip and pull myself together.
"As I was saying, I'm sorry if I disturbed you by speaking to you."
Something was definitely wrong; I am never like this, never that apologetic or sincere. I took a grip and a different approach.
"Ok so if you are not me then who are you?"
"Ah, I can't say."
"A mind stalker!"
"No, I thought you would be approachable."
"So why not just say hello like normal people, my mind is private."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't want just anybody trampling about in my head."
"I'm sorry."
"Twat!" I blurted out loudly.
I clasped my head in my hands as I heard the voice laugh.
"This is your stop."
I looked up and the voice was right. I quickly grabbed my things and scuttled from the train. As I strode up the platform I thought to myself, finally some peace and quiet.
"Well actually."
"Fuck off!" I screamed spinning around as if looking for someone.
An elderly lady a few feet behind me almost had a stroke while a few other passengers gave me a very wide birth.
"Turrets, sorry cant help it." I whimpered, shrugging my shoulders.
As I made my way out of the station I felt like I'd had all the wind let out of me.
"You need a coffee." The voice cut in.
I was about to argue the point but found myself walking straight into a small coffee house. I ordered without thinking and sat myself in a quiet corner.
"Why me?" I asked the voice in my head.
"Do you see the lady sat near the window?"
I slowly raised my head to see a woman in her mid fifties, sat staring out into the street, seemingly oblivious to the world.
"She has just discovered her husband is cheating, she's telling herself she's just found out but she's known for years but she won't believe the voices in her head. What could I possibly say to that woman to brighten up her day or make her laugh, you on the other hand?"
"Ok so make me laugh."
"The man driving the train you were on just now was having a pull on his you know what while driving."
"Really?"
"Yes, really, his boss is a woman and he was imagining."
"Ok don't tell me anymore but how do you know he was doing that?"
"Shall we say sometimes people think really loud thoughts."
I burst into laughter and had to cover my mouth to hide the noise.
"Well if you want to chat, keep up." I finished my coffee and left the shop.
I wandered up a main road, window shopping as the voice made the occasional comment. Whether it was some form of delusion I don't know but I was trying to keep myself together and carry on. Besides, if the voice stayed with me then its owner had to as well and then I'd know who it was. I'd thought about that and then wondered if he'd heard me think it but I wasn't sure if he was listening at the time.
I wandered into a clothes shop and began flicking through the dresses on a rail.