The Funniest Joe in the World

"Hello 'Mind Control Helpline'." Said the chirpy female voice on the end of the line.

"Umm, hi." Said Carl, "I think I need a bit of assistance."

"I See, and what seems to be the problem sir?"

"Well this morning I went to this old flea market and there was an oil lamp for sale. It didn't look anything special but for some reason I felt compelled to buy it and well..."

"Yes?"

"Well... I think I may have... well you see... umm the thing is... I was on the way home and stopped off at a bar to use the gents. Now normally I would use the urinal, but well, because I had a bag full of stuff from the flea market I had to use a cubicle you see and this meant that I had to hang the bag up on the little hook they have on the door ..."

"Is this going anywhere sir?"

"Oh yes, sorry I tend to waffle on when I am panicking. But anyway, the lamp fell out of the bag onto the floor so I picked it up and gave it a quick wipe with some toilet paper and then poof! A genie appeared out of nowhere."

"A genie sir?"

"Yes a genie. With blue skin, big moustache, turban and everything. He offered me three wishes, told me I could have anything I wanted for freeing him. Of course I didn't believe him, well you wouldn't would you? Not with a moustache like that, but just in case I decided to test him and so wished that I was a multi-billionaire and super powerful and famous.

"He clicked his fingers and suddenly my t-shirt and jeans had turned into an Armani suit and when I went outside my Volvo estate had become a Bugatti Veyron. It was amazing. I drove home according to my Sat-Nav and found my wife waiting for me in the most amazing mansion I have ever seen."

"Well that doesn't seem to be a problem, if you ask me sir. Congratulations."

"No no... that wasn't the problem. The problem was with my second wish."

"Which was..."

"I kind of wished that my wife could be a bit more like the women of my fantasies."

"I think I can see where this is going sir,"

"I didn't mean it to happen like this honest. I just thought she would become a bit sexier and you know, a little more adventurous in the bedroom. That was all I wanted.

"But once I made the wish I went into our bedroom to see her on the bed, fucking herself with the biggest vibrator I'd ever seen. At first I was turned on, her breasts were as big as the anime girls I watch on the internet and when she saw me, she begged me to fuck her and it was the best sex I think anyone has ever had. She begged me to use every hole over and over again and begged me to fuck her all day long."

"But isn't that what you wanted sir?"

"Not to this extent no. All she cares about is sex and makeup. She dresses round the house in the sluttiest outfits I have ever seen and when I couldn't keep up with her anymore in the bedroom, she tried to start calling up her friends to come round and fuck her while I got my strength back."

"That does seem quite extreme sir." Said the woman on the line, "And where is your wife now?"

"I've got her tied to the bed. I pretended I wanted to have some kinky bondage sex (even though I am exhausted) and luckily she is very easy trick now so see happily helped me tie her down. But I need your help. I don't want my wife to be an airheaded bimbo slut."

"Okay sir, I understand the problem. However, in order to help I do need a little bit more information. Genie wishes can be a very tricky business indeed."

"Okay, what do you need me to do?"

"Well first, we need to make sure she really has been permanently turned into an airheaded bimbo slut."

"Ah yes, give me a second..."

The woman heard a clunk of phone receiver connecting with table as Carl wandered away from the phone. She waited patiently on the line for five minutes or so until she heard Carl returning. He picked up the phone and spoke to her:

"Okay, I have used my third wish and have made sure she has been permanently turned into an airheaded bimbo slut. What next?"

All Carl heard next was a loud sigh and the sound of palm connecting with face.

THE END