Examination of a NAG
Sometimes Kate Harridan thought *Milly* was the cause of her headaches, the way her administrative assistant went on and on, urging her boss to see a doctor about the trivial ailment. Milly ought to have been working for Kate long enough to know by now she *always* got headaches when she was under stress. And Lord knows she had cause enough for stress. Just moving the headquarters of NAG (National Association of Grrrls), the organization Kate had founded, from San Francisco to Washington was stressful enough. Then the disasters began.
The movers had hardly finished putting all the ficuses in place when the Finger scandal broke. Carol Finger, yes, Senator Finger herself, was caught in a sexual liaison with one of her hunky interns. "Sexual liaison" hell, the Senator was getting her lights fucked out daily if not more often. Truth be told, Carol Finger had never been a credit to the World's Greatest Deliberative Body, but she was on NAG's Board of Directors and the organization had to back her up. Always ready with a faux feminist rationale for her erratic positions on issues, Carol compiled an amazingly inconsistent and self-serving voting record.
The disclosure that Senator Finger was having sex with a boy half her age was bad enough. Worse was the grainy photo obtained by the other party showing the plump, middle-aged woman draped over an arm chair, short red skirt up around her waist and red panties down around her ankles, being skewered to her obvious delight by a muscular blond. The President's picture above the desk smiled down in apparent approbation, or was it envy?
The Senator made everything ten time worse, however, at the news conference she gave to announce her resignation from the Senate. Kate had read the transcript and seen the video enough times to have the gut-wrenching performance memorized. The rhetorical low points were burned into her memory.
"Hell, yes, I'm having sex with this gorgeous boy and I sure don't intend to apologize for it," the Senator declared. "That's the difference between men and real Grrrls. I do *not* beg forgiveness from my husband and family and this has definitely *not* made my marriage to the wimp stronger. In fact, I'm going to divorce his ass! And for all you school marms of whatever profession that `can't understand how a woman of `my age' can take up with a twenty year old stud-muffin, let me spell it out for you.
S-E-X.
Is that clear enough? Let me be more specific.
T-E-N _ I-N-C-H _ C-O-C-K.
Need more? How about,
T-H-R-E-E _ I-N-C-H _ D-I-A-M-E-T-E-R?
I've got the boy putting the wood to me like I haven't gotten it in years and damned if I'm going to give him up."
"Take it from me, Grrrls, get your self one of these," she proclaimed lustily, reaching over to fondle the erection of the handsome young man standing beside her, smiling even though he was a little dim to fully comprehend what was going on. "Stop grinding up the contraband Viagra in the old fart's oatmeal at night. It's not doing either of you any good," she admonished. "Loose some lard ladies, get those titties a silicone upgrade if they need it, buy yourself a few hot little minis, and wiggle your ass down to the nearest sports bar. I guarantee within a week you'll be getting your pussy plowed or I'll let you have Arnold for a night."
"If you are lucky, you might even find a plowman who can remember which morning to take out the garbage, but don't hold your breath. Remember, Grrrls, there's just one thing a man's good for. If he's well equipped between his legs, don't worry about what he's got between his ears."
"There is, however, one particularly disgusting canard out there, that I must most emphatically deny. I did *not* let my fuck toy `get me pregnant.' I got this," Carol paused for effect and lifted her obscenely short skirt to display a telling bulge in her panties, "Because *I* threw away the pills. *I* decided on the best dates. *I* locked him in the hotel room and kept the pillows under my ass. *I* made sure he gave me frequent re-fills of jizz all weekend long. I'm having this baby because *I* guided his big cock into me and made him shoved it farther down into my fertile womb than he ever had before. Arnold, the dear, just supplied the semen, one thing he can do very well." Arnold grinned, suspecting the nice woman had said something good about him again.
Ex-Senator Finger had gone on for twenty minutes in that vein. It had been a public relations catastrophe ending with the horrific finale. "Therefore I am resigning my seat in the United States Senate. Not because I am ashamed of myself, but because there isn't a man there who can fuck worth a damn -- and the women aren't much better. I don't have time to listen to windbags when I could be on my back getting a prong where it belongs. And so adieu and fuck yieu!" she concluded giving the middle finger salute for the nation's television cameras.
The furor over l'affaire Finger had barely died down when NAG was embarrassed to learn that Wonder Woman was out of service. For some time it had been damned hard to get in touch with her. The reason was another embarrassment. The Army's main contact with the superheroine, Diana Prince, was spending every free hour shacked up with Col Steve Trevor and had the little round tummy to prove it.
When the lovebirds could at last be prevailed upon to call in Wonder Woman, it was revealed just why the superheroine had been keeping out of sight. Although the Amazonian Princess wasn't telling who had done the deed, America's first line of defense had irresponsibly let some man put a bun in her oven and her doctor didn't allow her to travel. Consequently, the US military had to deal with a rogue faction of the Ruritanian Defense Force without the assistance of its superheroine. It was close run thing.
Finally, although it was not a crisis, Kate became increasingly aware of the subtly hostile atmosphere to NAG's agenda in the Washington social milieu. Kate had expected to find Washington full of sour women -- hard-bitten lawyers, disgruntled NGO executives, and angry consultants -- eager to become NAGs. Instead, every time she turned around Kate heard another story of a professional woman who suddenly quit her job to become a happy little sex kitten for her boyfriend and promptly got herself knocked up or one who suddenly had to give up her career when she "accidentally" let her husband make her pregnant again. Hundreds of women with children already in college were waddling around again in maternity dresses or were back to washing diapers. Some were doing both. Olivia Fuentes in NAGs Research department confirmed that the birth rate among upper middle class women ages 30-45 in the Washington metropolitan area was almost double the national average and was still shooting up.
The queen bee of these "New Feminists," as she dubbed them, was Angelica Lopez, the new editor of the Post's "Style" section. And Angelica made no secret whom she considered to be the "Old Feminists." Angelica was an odd bird, Kate thought. Admittedly she had a strong claim to being a feminist. She was a successful young woman with a six figure income and a handsome, slavish husband whom she kept home to look after the house -- and the kids. That was the odd part. Angelica had five children under four and was pregnant again. She filled "Style" with stories about having sex and having babies. Thousands of readers adored Angelica, but unfortunately, had rather less supportive husbands than their icon. So when their bellies started getting big, they were the ones who stayed home to care for the little shoot.
No, Kate didn't come by her headaches gratis. She had to admit, though, that Milly might have a point. Her assistant did seem so happy and full of life since her visit to Dr. Bock. Maybe it was a good thing NAG had selected him. Several women doctors had bid for the contract to be NAG's Preferred Provider of gynecological and (Ha!) obstetric services, but Bock's price was just too good. Moreover, Carol Finger and Milly, who had been on the selection committee, had returned singing the praises of the Bock Clinic. Grudgingly, Kate told the eager AA to make an appointment for her the next week.