The Nature Of The Change.
"Those who play with the devil's toys," I tell myself in a low whisper, "are brought by degrees to wield his sword."
"Uh?" Maria asks in front of me. Her eyes are glassy and empty, and her lower jaw hangs limp. I don't think she's understood a word I've said.
"Never mind," I tell her with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "I was just thinking out loud."
"Uh." Maria repeats. The guttural utterance is a statement this time, rather than a question... I think. She's too far gone for anything else. And I've done this to her.
The problem is, I don't really know how. One minute we were studying together for our upcoming international law exam at uni, and now... this.
I'm not saying it's an accident. The first time this happened it was an accident. With Zoey. But I quickly undid whatever it was I'd done by instinct, and things are normal now.
This with Maria, this was supposed to be a test.
It's a... success? Maybe? I clearly can put her under with my thoughts. I just... don't really know how.
It's more like a feeling. There's this weird hissing -- I'm pretty sure it's not an actual sound, just something inside my own head. And then it's like these... invisible tentacles extend from my being, from my mind, and wrap tight around someone else. Puppeteering them.
It sounds exceptionally creepy when I say it like that, I know. But in a way, it's not so different from using my fingers to grasp an object.
Except people aren't objects, are they?
I give a weary sigh. I've spent weeks trying to wrap my head around the idea that mind control exists, let alone that I seem to be endowed with it, but what else can I call it at this point? What's even more absurd is that it seems to only work on girls.
For the nth time I ask myself if it's connected to my orientation perhaps. I'm a lesbian -- could that be why dudes are immune to my... power?
I shrug the questions off. I have no sane way of answering them for the time being anyhow. I should really just put Maria back together so we can continue studying. This exam won't pass itself, after all.
But...
Of all the times I've put a girl under since my discovery -- whether by accident, or in a fumbling attempt to understand my newfound ability -- this is the first time that I'm not really freaking out while I do it.
I want to take a moment to actually look at the effects I can have on my targets -- it makes me feel slimy to think of them as such, but come on, it's just a figure of speech.
Maria is... supremely relaxed. There is very little tension in her muscles, she's slumping all over the chair like a puppet without a puppeteer. Which, I suppose, makes me the puppeteer...
Mmmh.
Drool is beginning to trickle down a corner of her mouth. Her eyes are so... empty.
It's actually eerie and disconcerting to look at. Everything that makes Maria, well, Maria, is gone. In its place it's this... husk... a mind in a sleep-like stasis. An empty disk, waiting to be written.
And there it is. The reason why I've been so uncomfortable with my new power so far. I know, in some far corner of my mind, that if I give Maria an instruction now, she will follow it. I've tried a few things here and there just to test this out, harmless commands like scribbling stuff with a pen and such.
But who knows if there's an upper limit to which ones of my requests would be followed? And to be honest, the intellectual part of me thinks that anyone on Earth -- no matter how well-intentioned -- having this power is a really, really, really bad thing.
I think of myself as a good person, but that doesn't qualify me to mind control anybody. I shouldn't have this ability at all!
Of course, I suppose I can just not use it, and then it's like not having it. Problem solved. All I need to do to avoid playing the devil's game, is to put down the devil's toys.
But.
The temptation is strong. I keep thinking of all the stuff I could do with this power. Convince people to help me, or cut me some slack. Coast through life. I could convince my female professors to grade me generously.
My thoughts immediately go to Lina. My nemesis, richer and prouder, her and her bimbo friend Helena, who look down on me all the time and sideline me in class because I don't wear $400 dresses like they do.
I could so put Lina in her place. She's so arrogant, so uptight, so superior, so... beautiful. Which makes it all the more infuriating! She's drop-dead gorgeous, and her beauty is wasted on such a classist, spoiled brat.
I could...
Be less selfish, I tell myself, slapping my own forehead. Lina's behaviour might grind my gears, but that doesn't justify using mind control on her, for crying out loud.
Nothing justifies it. Except maybe making people's lives a little easier.
I do care for Maria. And I do think she's not telling me something -- too many times I've walked in to see her cry into a pillow or something, and she's very cagey about what. Maybe
I can use my power -- just a little -- to find out what's eating at her. To help a friend.
If it makes the world a little better, then surely it isn't so bad, right?
"Maria," I tell her. "I want you to always be completely honest with me. Got it?"
"Uh," she mumbles, but in spite of the complete lack of reaction in her expression, I know the command has registered. I gulp, suppressing the feeling of guilt that comes with having given a command to someone I consider a friend, and I just spit out the question.
"Why have you been so miserable lately?"
"Enrique," she says, slurring over the words in a way that sounds like she's trapped in a sea of molasses. She sounds dumb, slow, trapped, and... uh, why do I find this hot?
"I knew it," I say, nodding to myself. Her boyfriend is a mysoginistic pig, but Maria gets very avoidant whenever the subject is brought up. "What did he do this time?"
"Cheats on me," she says. "All... the time..." her head lolling downwards as if from the effort. I brush her chin with my fingertips, lifting her head back up -- not exactly to meet my gaze, because there's nothing in there, but...
Damn Enrique. The low-life bastard.
Before I can ask follow-up questions, Maria continues unprompted. "Cheats with... everyone," she says, slurring over the words. "Lina, mostly..."