9. The Boytoy
Okay, maaaybe I should've jacked off a little less frequently. Seemed kinda obvious now, but I guess everything I could've done differently 'seemed kinda obvious' when I was sitting in a waiting room, ready for a psych to talk to me about sex addiction. It was like the principal's office, but worse. I had to come to these
weekly
. Way to feel like a proper adult.
Whatever. I guess it
was
becoming an issue. Ever since Cait left me I'd been jacking off every chance I got. It was starting to interfere with other things, like studying, and eating meals, and... doing normal amounts of laundry. Still, the label of 'sex addict' was pretty fucking embarrassing. Hopefully this Dr. Thorpe could keep it quiet.
"Caleb Stone?"
I was pulled out of my thoughts as I found Dr. Thorpe's secretary peering at me around the door of his office. Calling me to my fate. I sighed and stood up.
Wait a minute... there was already a man sitting at the front desk. There wasn't room for two people back there. If he was the secretary, then...
"Doctor, uh, Thorpe?" I tried, extending my hand. She came fully out of the office, and shook it enthusiastically.
"That's me. Come on in!" she smiled, leading me inside.
Holy shit
. Nonono. This was bad. My dad had talked like this was going to be some stuffy middle-aged man who would lecture me about the evils of poor impulse control, until I was begging for the sweet release of death. The Dr. Thorpe who greeted me was an incredibly attractive woman. Warm, friendly, and so sexy she was practically impossible not to gawk at. How was I supposed to survive her sessions, let alone end them with
less
of an urge to jack off than I started with?
She directed me to sit on her couch, so I did, elbows on my knees, chin on my hands.
She checked her notes. "Caleb Stone, 18 years old, referred to me for... sex addiction?"
"Yeah," I sighed, "that's me."
She dragged her desk chair over next to the couch, and sat down, still smiling.
"First things first," she said, "I am not here to judge you, or shame you, or stop you from masturbating entirely. Healthy expressions of sexuality are important and necessary. I am here to see that it stops being a detriment to your life. Is that clear?"
I let out a breath I'd been holding. "That's... actually a relief to hear," I admitted.
"While we're on the subject," she continued, "you may call me Stephanie, and you're allowed make sexual comments and jokes when talking about your experiences. Just be honest about your feelings and thoughts. There's very little you could say that would shock me. Okay?"
"Okay, wow," I blinked, "thanks, er, Stephanie."
She grinned, "Sorry, am I going too fast for you? I just don't want you to enter these sessions with any misconceptions."
"No, it's great!" I babbled, "I was just expecting something completely different."
She snapped her fingers, "You were? Damn, I left my 2-hour lecture on the sin of lust at home today."
I laughed. Okay, she got me.
"Speaking of which," Stephanie raised an eyebrow, "why did your parents specifically request 2-hour sessions for you?"
"My parents aren't together anymore," I muttered, "but it was probably my dad. He's pretty big into psychology, probably thinks I'm a special case or something."
"Well then, I think it would be best if we separated our understanding of masturbation into healthy and unhealthy aspects," she said, getting down to business. "So tell me, Caleb, where you think the unhealthiness begins."
"I guess it started when my ex-girlfriend, Caitlin, left me a few weeks ago," I recounted. "We'd been together for a couple of months by that point, but she had to go to uni on the other side of the country, and that was that. Ever since then, I've been ja- er, masturbating-"
"Use whatever words you like," Stephanie smiled.
"Right, well I've been jacking off twice, maybe three times a day. Sometimes it takes hours, interrupts my studying, my sleep schedule, that kind of thing."
"Three times a day seems like a lot, even for a hormonal young man like yourself," Stephanie pointed out. "Risks damaging the equipment, so to speak."
"Yeah," I tried not to blush, "I can't help it, I get really easily turned on."
"What would you say turns you on?"
Her tone was very casual, which was nice. It made the questions a little less embarrassing to answer, but only a little.
"It's not like anything in particular happens," I tried, "I just kinda imagine sexual things based on what's happening around me, and then I get... well, horny."
"Right," she nodded, "so you can easily see a sexual side to nearly any situation that's in front of you?"
"Yep."
"Would you be comfortable giving me an example?"
"I mean, it depends," I stumbled over my words, trying not to stare at her tits, "it can be very simple or very vivid and detailed."
She looked at me expectantly.
"Like, uh, if I see two girls who are obviously close friends, I might imagine them making out," I babbled, "or like, if there's a whole sports team of girls I think, what if they had an orgy in the changing rooms after the game?"
"Those are common enough fantasies for someone your age to have," she mused. "Anything else?"
"I suppose a lot of them revolve around my ex-girlfriend" I continued. "Other times there's just... situations I find inherently sexy."
She gave me a sly smile. "Like?"
Uh-oh. I shouldn't have said that. I couldn't think of any other example in the moment, so I blurted out, "Just, whenever I'm alone in a room with someone I find sexy, I imagine she'll start flirting with me."
Stephanie looked around, innocently. "And who do you find yourself alone in a room with?" she asked.
I couldn't say it, but she had to know, with a question like that. This was in some ways better than the stern lecture, but in other ways it was so much worse. I felt my face flushing red. I just couldn't say it.
"People you feel you shouldn't find attractive?" she murmured. "Authority figures?"
I nodded meekly. Fuck, that felt so wrong to admit, especially to her.
"It's okay," she soothed me, "that's very normal. It's okay to admit it. I'm not here to punish you for feeling things, remember."
"It's... wrong though," I shifted uncomfortably.