Round and Round
"Why the hell did she come here?" Ursula wondered to herself, "What was she doing here?"She so didn't want to be in this place. It had a basketball court smell of floor wax and vintage sweat, which made sense since it was a basketball court located in an old armory. A track had been laid on the floor bordered by orange cones. Women on roller skates went round and round. There was a screen with scores on it flashed from an overhead projector, had to love that forty year old technology! On each side of the screen was a logo for each team. The Westchester "Botox Avengers" symbol was a nurse's cap over crossed hypodermic needles. Their opponents the Hackensack "Red Stars" symbol was a stylized cartoon roller girl in black and white, looking over her shoulder with a bright red star on her ass.
Ursula had never been to roller derby before, and after ten minutes she understood why. The logos were tacky, the place was tacky and most of all the women in tights or stockings and shorts or short skirts were tacky. They skated round and round on the short, flat track banging into each other, from time to time flying off the track in an exercise that seemed as violent as it was pointless. She and Dan were in the "VIP" section which meant they sat in uncomfortable metal folding metal chairs instead of the uncomfortable wooden bleachers and had" roller girls" come over to take their orders and bring them beer or soda and popcorn.
Just then as the pack went past them, a girl in all black hip checked the Botox Avenger wearing a helmet with a white star, sending her flying across the track to the cheers of the mostly male audience. "There goes Hammer Montana" the PA announcer shouted in excitement. She rolled and landed a few feet away. Dan turned to her smiling. "Did you see that?" Ursula gave a pained smile back "Hard to miss." She replied shaking her head.
A whistle blew and the women went round and round again. "And Lil Red calls off the jam!" The PA system blared. Dan turned to her. "She did that by patting her hips." Dan said excitedly. "I know" Ursula said. "I read the rules too!"
"The jammer is the only who can score by lapping the others." Dan said.
"I know" Ursula responded. She sighed, how long was this going to last?
Despite herself, Ursula had to admit there was certain energy in the room. The crowd, even most of the women, was enthusiastic and obviously better heeled then she would have imagined. She had feared herself overdressed in her lace dress and heeled pumps, but oddly there were people here as well dressed. The competitors themselves were apparently allowed a lot of leeway in their outfits. Each team had a distinctive tank top with their team logo on it. Most wore tights under shorts, but some had on patterned stockings or fishnets or tiny skirts of every color and type. Four to six inch plaid skirts seemed very popular. Each of the Red Stars had a bright crimson star on her left butt cheek. It was displayed either on the skin tight shorts or on tights under tiny skirts.
A few minutes later a buzzer sounded. "That's the half!" Dan said cheerfully. Ursula returned his cheery smile while thinking "Oh God only half way!"
A short (at least to her) man approached them, smiling broadly. Dan stood and she followed suit. He shook Dan's hand warmly. "Daniel!" he exclaimed and pulled Dan into a bear hug. Ursula smiled self-consciously. Dan pulled himself back. "This" he announced is "Ursula. Ursula, this is Gregor Ivanovotch Leontovich."
"Please" the man said, "here is just Greg, maybe Gregor." He looked up at Ursula. "It is a pleasure to meet my good friend's woman." He had an eastern European accent. "Thank you" Ursula said graciously although she rarely if ever thought of herself as Dan's "woman", she continued " Dan has told me a lot about you, thanks for giving him an opportunity."
"I hope he takes it!" Greg said winking at her. He turned to Dan. "I need someone I can trust to help me with my team, and my money. How was your flight in?
"Uneventful, fortunately" Dan said a fact Ursula was grateful for, it had been a long trip from her native LA and she had no desire to spend "quality time" at Newark airport. Gregor turned to Ursula. "So what do you think of my Red Stars?"
Surprised Ursula searched for words "It's...all...very...interesting..." she managed to stumble out.
"Tell me" Gregor smiled.
Fortunately, Ursula was saved from expanding on the thought by the arrival of a skater. She wore the red Star tank top, tight patterned boy shorts with a red star on the ass over a pair of fishnet stockings. Elbow and knee guards protected her joints. Blonde hair peeked out from under her tightly buckled black helmet. She was busty with a waist almost as narrow as Ursula's and hips almost as wide, although shorter. This woman was, Ursula decided, the very definition of trashy.
Greg smiled broadly. "Our team captain, K G Bea-trice." He announced. The relationship between Greg and KG Bea became immediately obvious when Greg casually placed his hand directly on her red star. Introductions were made and KG Bea sized Ursula up.
"I have to ask, how tall are you?" KG Bea asked.
Ursula shrugged, she HATED that question. "Five-eleven and three quarters." she said. KG Bea and Greg both looked at her skeptically. "In my stocking feet" Ursula added then in a rush. "Dan always wants me to wear heels, the higher the better!"
"That's because you look great in them, and I always liked being with a taller woman" he said and chuckled conspiratorially. "She always says she's five eleven and three quarters, she's really six feet even!"
Ursula struggled to suppress a groan.
KG Bea smiled at Dan. "So how tall are you?"
"Same as me" Gregor rumbled for Dan "hundred seventy two centimeters, five feet eight inches tall. And when we competed against each other, we weighed exactly the same." He patted his stomach and looked at Dan's waist ruefully. "Those days are long over."
Ursula nodded. "You were both on national judo teams."
"No, I was never that good." Dan said. "We did meet at an international tournament though."
Greg nodded. "And I was only ever on the Russian army team."
Dan snorted. "Only! I was never in your league."
Greg shook his head "You are too modest, Daniel."
"And you are too kind, Gregor Ivanovitch."
"So you competed against each other?" Ursula was glad when KG Bea interrupted the mutual admiration fest.
"And became friends" Dan said. "The judo community is pretty tight knit. You can go anywhere in the world and find a place to stay as long as there is a dojo in the area, even if it just means sleeping on the mat."
Greg nodded. "And Dan became my first Aikido instructor... And when I needed him he helped me stay in this country and get a green card."
Although she had heard the story before, Ursula was unclear on something. "Why did they want to deport you again?' she asked.
Greg sighed. "I was coach of Russian girl's judo team, and had access to forbidden Russian training methods."
Both women looked at him puzzled. "What?" Ursula asked.
"Well" he continued "Also because I was in Soviet intelligence before this. It was thought I was a, uh, security risk."
"Well" KG Bea interrupted, "to get back to my point" she looked at Ursula "Have you ever thought of becoming a roller girl? You have size and a nice center of gravity."
Ursula blushed, "that she thought was the nicest reference to her big butt she'd ever heard." Dan always said he loved what he liked to refer to as her "fat ass". He was always after her to wear tight skirts and high heels, but Ursula was usually too self-conscious for that. He loved to slap her butt, which annoyed her to no end and to squeeze and grope, which she didn't mind and felt was quite complimentary - except when he did it in public.
Now embarrassed, Ursula looked at KG Bea "God no! I'd" she started, about to say I'd never lower myself that way, but caught herself in time "I'm not in that kind of shape." She amended.
"But you could be!"KG Bea said
"Easily!" Dan agreed Dan said. He grabbed her butt and she slide her arm under his sliding both up so his arm was around her shoulders. She gave Dan a quick baleful look.
"I could get you there!" Greg put in " I have training methods and you have the build of a natural athlete."
Dan nodded "I always tell her that."
Ursula looked at him truly annoyed now. It was an old argument, Dan always telling her that she was a natural with her size and strength while he had to work so hard to be in the shape he was in. So she was wheezing and huffing when she ran a half mile, so what? She sure wasn't going to let some former Russian intelligence agent train her, even if he was an old friend of Dan's...especially if he was an old friend of Dan's. She loved Dan and had lived with him for a while, but he could be one kinky guy, witness the six foot tall girlfriend who he always wanted to wear high heels. Although she had to admit, while some of the Botox Avengers were on the chunky side, all the Red Stars appeared lean and toned.
Greg must have caught her look. He raised his hands in supplication. "But if you not want to do it, this is ok!"
"So" KG Bea changed the subject "What do you do?"
"I'm in human resources." Ursula said, "Recruiting."
KG Bea smiled "That's what Lil Red does. If you guys move here she can help you. She can tell you all about the job market here! "She turned and yelled at the diminutive ginger who was talking to two star struck male fans across the room. 'Hey Red!"
Both the tall and short roller girls looked up. "Lil, not Big" she shouted "Come on over.
As Lil Red approached the genesis of her name became obvious. She had long flame red hair under her jammer's helmet with its white star on the side. She was slender and even in skates almost a foot shorter than Ursula.
"Lil Red this is Ursula" KG Bea introduced. "You're both HR bitches."
