Old theme, new treatment, I hope. You need the earlier chapters or you'll get confused. (Best to start with number one, but that's just a personal view). Please remember to vote. I respond to non-anonymous feedback. Satyricon.
To those of you who've been following Doug's confessions: this is the last chapter. He's charming, but not a very nice guy, (I mean, would you want him to marry your sister?), and I can't go any further with him. Thanks to all of you who've commented, either publicly, or directly to me, and especially to sgnatz, militarymec, and Anonymous in New Zealand, who pointed out the inconsistencies in the narrative voice and made me think some. It's readers like you that make writing worthwhile.
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My bay window was dam' near uninhabitable. In fact my whole apartment smelt of paint and floor varnish, so I'd moved upstairs while Jose finished up. The weather was fuckin' ace and I slung a hammock between two trees and was swaying gently, beer in one hand, small joint in the other, a book on my chest in case I got bored doin' nothing, the whole afternoon ahead of me. Slacker's heaven.
The joint was a memory and the beer was way too warm when I heard footsteps. A slim dark hand appeared with a cold bottle dangling from its fingers. I twisted my head and squinted up at her.
'Shit, girl, you do that one more time and I'll have to marry you.' I grasped the bottle and put half of it where it belonged while she smiled down at me.
'No need to get emotional,' she said. 'My ancestors were house slaves. But I never seen a man enjoy food and drink like you do. How come you don't weigh three hundred pounds and grunt when you walk?' I shrugged.
'I do some gym time, cut down on the beer a little when the mirror gets too small. How come you're the way you are? I seen you put away food like you wanted to start a famine and there ain't an extra ounce on you, except where it's meant to be.' She looked at me sideways, then pulled my old lounger round and sank onto it.
'Been checkin', have you?' Her voice was smooth and slightly husky, like good liquor over ice.
'Candice, I check you every fuckin' time I see you and it just gets better. How come you ain't studying? You goofin' off?' She smiled cheerfully.
'Right first time. Five days a week is enough and the weekend's here. Thought I'd catch a little sun if I'm not disturbing you.'
'Shit, that's for sure gilding the fuckin' lily. You get any more sun you're gonna be dam' near invisible at night.' She stared and then started giggling.
'You telling me to lighten up?' That got me laughin' too and I dam' near fell out of the hammock. She wiped her eyes and tried to sound serious. 'There are some very correct people in this town who'd arrest you for saying what you just did.' I finished my beer.
'Fuck 'em. Friends can say what they like. You work on your tan, Candice. I'm just thinkin', and readin' some, and wonderin' when the hell Jose's gonna finish.' She closed her eyes, her fingers fiddling with the gold chain she always wore.
'I've talked to him. Asked him why he was doing two jobs and he told me what you did for him and his sister and her kids.'
'Well, shit. Now I gotta deal with ethnic fuckin' gossip. Jose's too scared of Maria to refuse to help. You gonna sunbathe or what?' She nodded absently.
'I had a bet with myself you wouldn't talk about it. Is this yard overlooked at all?'
'Trees are old and tall. One reason I bought the house.' She stood up gracefully and began to unbutton the white shirtwaister that was her usual summer outfit. She had a dozen, all different, and I'd kinda been having fun guessin' which one she was gonna wear next. She was bein' real careful not to look at me and her fingers were havin' a little trouble with the buttons, but she persevered and slipped out of the dress sorta nervously. She lay down on the lounger, naked except for her panties. I was havin' a real problem not leaping out of the hammock and barking. Controlled myself though. She'd been pussyfootin' about the past three weeks. No point in pushin' her now she was getting' serious. Never push the smart ones or they get real skittish.
'Better not be telling me you need sun cream,' I said, 'and I don't see any tan lines either. Kinda suspicious.' I was havin' fun. No stress, no clicks, no nothin': just takin' it easy with a beautiful girl I was gonna go to bed with one day soon. Pure heaven. I rolled over and looked down at her. Hell, she was the one that had undressed. Her body was lean and toned, small pointy breasts sitting high on her chest, capped with jet black nipples, fat and puffy; long legs flaring from narrow hips, the fork of her body outlined by the thin material of her panties. She watched me looking at her and I gave her a thumbs-up.
'Excellent package, Candice. You want another beer?' I swung outa the hammock and went to fetch them. When I came back she looked to have relaxed some and reached out and pulled at my wrist as I put the beer down
'Are you alright with this, Doug? I'm not teasing deliberately. I mean, you're being pretty calm about it...' Women always dick about some, but the wait is generally worth it.
'Shit, Candice, define "great". I'm calm. I mean I ain't exactly resting comfortable, but that's my problem. Three things: one, you know I'm a volunteer regiment; Ellen told you that. Two, you're the one at the wheel and one driver's plenty. I might lose a little weight, sleep badly, get the shakes mebbe, while you make your mind up, but I'll kinda leave that to your conscience. And three, try to think of me as a lesbian trapped in a man's body. That might relax you some. I'm gonna take a siesta. Three beers sorta provoke a nap, this weather.' I turned to get back into the hammock and she jumped up and grabbed me, hugged me hard, her breasts pressing against my chest. She was struggling not to laugh.
'Trapped in a man's body? You are absolutely outrageous. You really don't mind what I am, do you?' I put my arms round her and kissed her good, and her mouth opened and her tongue slid hesitantly out to find mine, her arms tightening round my neck. After a minute I pulled back; hardest fuckin' thing I've done for a long time.
