Roomers

Old theme, new treatment, I hope. You need the earlier chapters or you'll get confused. (Best to start with number one, but that's just a personal view). Please remember to vote. I respond to non-anonymous feedback. Satyricon.

To those of you who've been following Doug's confessions: this is the last chapter. He's charming, but not a very nice guy, (I mean, would you want him to marry your sister?), and I can't go any further with him. Thanks to all of you who've commented, either publicly, or directly to me, and especially to sgnatz, militarymec, and Anonymous in New Zealand, who pointed out the inconsistencies in the narrative voice and made me think some. It's readers like you that make writing worthwhile.

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My bay window was dam' near uninhabitable. In fact my whole apartment smelt of paint and floor varnish, so I'd moved upstairs while Jose finished up. The weather was fuckin' ace and I slung a hammock between two trees and was swaying gently, beer in one hand, small joint in the other, a book on my chest in case I got bored doin' nothing, the whole afternoon ahead of me. Slacker's heaven.

The joint was a memory and the beer was way too warm when I heard footsteps. A slim dark hand appeared with a cold bottle dangling from its fingers. I twisted my head and squinted up at her.

'Shit, girl, you do that one more time and I'll have to marry you.' I grasped the bottle and put half of it where it belonged while she smiled down at me.

'No need to get emotional,' she said. 'My ancestors were house slaves. But I never seen a man enjoy food and drink like you do. How come you don't weigh three hundred pounds and grunt when you walk?' I shrugged.

'I do some gym time, cut down on the beer a little when the mirror gets too small. How come you're the way you are? I seen you put away food like you wanted to start a famine and there ain't an extra ounce on you, except where it's meant to be.' She looked at me sideways, then pulled my old lounger round and sank onto it.

'Been checkin', have you?' Her voice was smooth and slightly husky, like good liquor over ice.

'Candice, I check you every fuckin' time I see you and it just gets better. How come you ain't studying? You goofin' off?' She smiled cheerfully.

'Right first time. Five days a week is enough and the weekend's here. Thought I'd catch a little sun if I'm not disturbing you.'

'Shit, that's for sure gilding the fuckin' lily. You get any more sun you're gonna be dam' near invisible at night.' She stared and then started giggling.

'You telling me to lighten up?' That got me laughin' too and I dam' near fell out of the hammock. She wiped her eyes and tried to sound serious. 'There are some very correct people in this town who'd arrest you for saying what you just did.' I finished my beer.

'Fuck 'em. Friends can say what they like. You work on your tan, Candice. I'm just thinkin', and readin' some, and wonderin' when the hell Jose's gonna finish.' She closed her eyes, her fingers fiddling with the gold chain she always wore.

'I've talked to him. Asked him why he was doing two jobs and he told me what you did for him and his sister and her kids.'

'Well, shit. Now I gotta deal with ethnic fuckin' gossip. Jose's too scared of Maria to refuse to help. You gonna sunbathe or what?' She nodded absently.

'I had a bet with myself you wouldn't talk about it. Is this yard overlooked at all?'

'Trees are old and tall. One reason I bought the house.' She stood up gracefully and began to unbutton the white shirtwaister that was her usual summer outfit. She had a dozen, all different, and I'd kinda been having fun guessin' which one she was gonna wear next. She was bein' real careful not to look at me and her fingers were havin' a little trouble with the buttons, but she persevered and slipped out of the dress sorta nervously. She lay down on the lounger, naked except for her panties. I was havin' a real problem not leaping out of the hammock and barking. Controlled myself though. She'd been pussyfootin' about the past three weeks. No point in pushin' her now she was getting' serious. Never push the smart ones or they get real skittish.

'Better not be telling me you need sun cream,' I said, 'and I don't see any tan lines either. Kinda suspicious.' I was havin' fun. No stress, no clicks, no nothin': just takin' it easy with a beautiful girl I was gonna go to bed with one day soon. Pure heaven. I rolled over and looked down at her. Hell, she was the one that had undressed. Her body was lean and toned, small pointy breasts sitting high on her chest, capped with jet black nipples, fat and puffy; long legs flaring from narrow hips, the fork of her body outlined by the thin material of her panties. She watched me looking at her and I gave her a thumbs-up.

'Excellent package, Candice. You want another beer?' I swung outa the hammock and went to fetch them. When I came back she looked to have relaxed some and reached out and pulled at my wrist as I put the beer down

'Are you alright with this, Doug? I'm not teasing deliberately. I mean, you're being pretty calm about it...' Women always dick about some, but the wait is generally worth it.

'Shit, Candice, define "great". I'm calm. I mean I ain't exactly resting comfortable, but that's my problem. Three things: one, you know I'm a volunteer regiment; Ellen told you that. Two, you're the one at the wheel and one driver's plenty. I might lose a little weight, sleep badly, get the shakes mebbe, while you make your mind up, but I'll kinda leave that to your conscience. And three, try to think of me as a lesbian trapped in a man's body. That might relax you some. I'm gonna take a siesta. Three beers sorta provoke a nap, this weather.' I turned to get back into the hammock and she jumped up and grabbed me, hugged me hard, her breasts pressing against my chest. She was struggling not to laugh.

'Trapped in a man's body? You are absolutely outrageous. You really don't mind what I am, do you?' I put my arms round her and kissed her good, and her mouth opened and her tongue slid hesitantly out to find mine, her arms tightening round my neck. After a minute I pulled back; hardest fuckin' thing I've done for a long time.

'Who you are, not what you fuckin' are. Shit, Candice, forget the goddam labels and plan on being taken out to eat tonight. My kitchen stinks and yours is unworkable. Jose's got all the fuckin' furniture from Nick's room piled in it.' I didn't say I'd suggested he do that. 'You feel right about it we'll try some more of that after.' Doug, dominant but kind, not pushin' any. I'm a fuckin' saint sometimes. She was breathin' kinda fast and her eyes were sparkling.

'Whatever you say, boss. Will I need to dress up?'

'Nudity ain't acceptable in this town. No leather though, OK?' She rolled her eyes.

'No leather. Right.' She lay down again and I tried to get into the hammock without catching the end of my cock in the mesh. If she didn't put out tonight I was gonna go fuckin' crazy. When I glanced over at her she was lying, eyes closed, legs parted a little, one hand on her mound, her fingers moving real slow. Way to go, Candice. I hoped she was thinkin' of me and not Ellen.

When I got settled I finished the beer and dropped the bottle on the grass and closed my eyes. The smell of paint and the fainter scent of Candice's perfume tickled my nose, and the sun was warm on my body. Like the first summer I bought the house.

Shit, lookin' back I can see that McCarthy's death and Kelly splittin' shook me up some. Only time in my life I been paranoid. Hell, I had reason. I kept kinda thinkin' that someone would find out about why McCarthy had crashed, or that Kelly would come back and start carryin' on again, or the fuckin' IRS would come askin' where I got the money from. I guess that if it hadn't been for Annie I mighta cut and run.

'You gonna tell me what's buggin' you?' she asked me one day. We were at my apartment, her stoned on her ass and me not far behind. She was stretched out with her head on my belly, nuzzling my cock occasionally and tryin' not to be impatient. I thought about what she'd said.

'You really wanna know?' She bit me gently.

'You ain't gonna shock me Doug. We're more alike than you think. Probably why I'm crazy about you. Tell me the bones so I stop worrying.'

'Shit, Annie, you put it like that. I kinda got Kelly's confidence so I could make a bunch of money for myself, and she found out and was real angry and told McCarthy, and McCarthy was on his way into town to ream my ass when he crashed. And she's split, like gone. So it was dumb fuckin' luck one way, result of what I did the other, and I'm caught between pleased and wonderin' if there's any shit waitin' to fall on me.' She thought about that.

'You won't let any fuckin' thing stand in your way, will you? To hell with her feelings, same as with that poor Judy. I swear I don't know how you can do it. Hell, Doug, six months and no shit hittin' you, I guess you're home clean. How much fuckin' money?' Straight to the heart of the matter.

'McCarthy already gave me the bonus for the legitimate stuff I was doin', so it totaled out a little over a million. I ain't ever gonna work again, Annie. Only reason I did it, tell the truth.' When I said "million" she whipped round and stared.

'You shittin' me?'

'Nope'.

'Jesus, Doug, you're a fuckin' millionaire? You mean I been screwing megabucks and never fuckin' realized? Whaddya gonna do?'

'I been sittin' on it while I thought.' She snorted and grasped my cock.

'You can spend some on me or I'll pull this out by the fuckin' roots. I wanna go to Florida again, get away from winter.' I groaned, then realized that tellin' her had lightened the load some. A trouble shared is a trouble halved, my Mom used to say when she wanted me to 'fess up about somethin'.

'How come I get the only hippy in the country who don't despise money? You want to go to Florida you're gonna have to work for it. High season down there right now.' She scooted round again and cupped my balls.

'Hippies only despise money because they fuckin' don't have any, and the work is gonna be a labor of like. For two weeks in Florida I'll blow you twice a day and some more at night.' Her head dipped and her lips began their teasin' dance over the head of my cock. I was kinda touched. It was her turn by rights, and she knew I'da done my party trick if she'd asked.

She was so excited and revved up that I let her have her way. Hell, I guess I owed her some anyway. She sent her dad off to some commune on the Pacific coast, packed her best hippy dresses, and closed the shop. I booked first class, just to show her I could, and we had fun upsettin' the rich snowbirds. Same fuckin' problem as before though: she wouldn't go on a public beach, so we hadta go lookin' for seclusion.

I thought to rent a boat so we were able to find secluded. A week into the holiday I was layin' on white sand while she balanced on my cock, her dark eyes huge and bloodshot. Damned if I know how she managed, but first thing she'd done when we arrived was score some Jamaican grass and we were both kinda relaxed. She was gettin' a pretty good tan and it was sorta strange to see her body pinky-brown instead of white. One part of me was tense though and she didn't mind that. She exhaled happily and handed me the joint.

'Sun and sea and good grass and a fat cock to sit on. Everything a girl could wish for. You been thinkin' some Doug, I can tell. Whaddya gonna do with all that money? You for sure ain't gonna just spend it.' Girl was a goddam mindreader.

'You're a goddam mindreader, Annie. I guess I oughta have visible means of support, so I'm gonna buy a property near the campus, big one, rent rooms out to college kids. That'll cost, time I've converted the place and all, but it'll earn pretty good, pay its own way and then some. And I'll leave the rest with Uncle Sam, collect the interest. Read, sleep, stay in shape a little so you don't start bitchin' at me, take you away once in a while. That's as far as I got.' Her pussy tightened over my shaft and she went a little bit pinker.

'I was hopin' you'd say somethin' like that. You decided to leave town, I'da been kinda pissed for a while. You mind me bein' pleased?' Fool woman. Who minds anyone bein' pleased?

'Gonna make you help me, Annie. Choose the curtains, stuff like that. No fuckin' flower power stuff though. I wanna go for mature but cool.' She leaned forward and kissed me hard, grinding her fat clit against my pubic bone.

'Bet I can make you come before I do, Mr. Mature but fuckin' Cool.' Wrong again.

So I spent the next few months looking at properties and thinking about how they'd convert. Annie came with me a coupla times, but mostly she left it to me. Said she didn't want me blamin' her if I bought the wrong one. Funny thing though, once I started thinkin' again I re-upped my gym membership, worked out for an hour, two or three times a week. Still boring as hell, but it seemed like my body wanted it.

The one I found was almost right. Outside was in good shape, needed some work inside, bathrooms and kitchen upgrading. Yard was good, pretty secluded, and a coupla plantings would make that completely. Half a mile from campus, quiet street. Price was a little high, and it was a little bigger than I'd planned, but it was the only one I'd seen that said hello to me, so I bought it quick, before I started wantin' it too bad. I moved in that June and spent the summer doin' nothin', just getting' the feel of the place. Next year was plenty soon enough for renters, and quick conversions cost way too much. Annie and I christened every dam' room in the place, and the yard too. We had a pretty nice time.

Something cold landed on my chest and I opened my eyes in a hurry. Candice was standin' over me laughin', another beer in her hand. She'd put her dress back on but it was still unbuttoned and her body peeped through. Her eyes flicked down to my crotch. Thinkin' of Annie had got me kinda hard.

'You look cute when you're asleep,' she said, 'and you got something in your shorts.' She looked a little startled at her own daring and I gave her a silent cheer.

'I wasn't asleep and if I was I was dreamin' of you. That beer for me or you just goin' to go on teasing?' Subtle line. She grinned, white teeth bright against her dark face, lookin' like a woman who's finally made her mind up.

'All for you, and no more teasing, I promise.' Like I said, smart woman. She smiled again. 'If the privileges are as good as the friendship part I'd be a fool to turn them down. What time do you wanna eat?' What about right now? I didn't say that.

'When you're hungry, Candice. You mind if we go upscale, make an occasion of it?' I drank beer. 'What's the time?' I stopped wearing a watch when I bought the house. She looked at her wrist.

'Four. If we eat about six-thirty, that suit you?' I nodded. I was wonderin' whether to shave again or not. I mean, some like it smooth and some think twelve hours growth is kinda nice. Shave, I decided: unless she's been with any bearded ladies recently she's not used to stubble.

'I'll call Casa Italiana, ask Tony for a booth: that good?' I like to do that sorta thing before the first time. Nothin' wrong with anticipation. She nodded, shy but determined.

'If we're going that far upscale I'm going to start getting ready now.'

'Don't go overboard. Jose's gonna be here by six and he's pretty susceptible.' She giggled and leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips, her breasts just brushin' my chest.

'You make me feel safe. Nervous, but safe, and kinda excited as well. Nice combo.' She straightened and went across the lawn to the house and I watched the dress floating behind her and thought dirty thoughts.

When Maria had knocked I was havin' dirty thoughts too. In fact Annie had started havin' them and I'd kinda joined in, and the dirty thoughts had led to dirty bodies and the dirty bodies had segued into more dirty thoughts in the shower. I was planning rounds three and four as I opened the door and wasn't prepared for a little Mexican lady with a strained expression. Turned out she was a widow, wanted cleanin' work, had a brother wanted yard work, any kinda work, usual stuff. Outside the house was a cruddy looking Valiant with a guy in the drivers' seat and two little kids in back, surrounded by bundles. I guess it was the Valiant that made me ask the question.

'Where you livin' ma'am? I might have some cleanin' work soon.' She didn't answer, and her eyes darted round helplessly. Annie had joined me and was lookin' at the Valiant too.

'Shit, Doug, she's livin' in the fuckin' car with two kids. That's right, lady, ain't it?'

Once that was established I let Annie talk to her while I thought; then I went to fetch a calculator and did some figuring. No doubt about it. If I could put up with the kids I'd save a fuckin' bundle. The woman was lookin' at me, wonderin' what the hell I was doin' and would it be bad for her. Annie was lookin' at me too, a sardonic smile on her face, like she could read my mind. Well, fuck her: two birds with one stone.

'I'm Doug Taylor, ma'am. What's your name?' Maria, it turned out.

'OK, Maria, I'll make you an offer. You all come live here. You and your brother work on the house, paintin' and stuff, sort out the yard. Get the kids in school so they're outa the way. I'll cover food and bills and give you five hundred a month.' Beans and rice were cheap, I reckoned. 'Job's gonna last till Spring. You save some, you'll be able to get an apartment, move outa the fuckin' car.'

Well shit, she was suspicious, and so was her brother; don't blame 'em for that, but it was a better deal than anyone else was offerin' and the car smelt real bad, so Annie showed them the house, admired the kids, domestic shit, and they finally said they'd do it for a month, see what happened. Annie made me pay them half the month up front so they could get basics.

It worked out pretty good. I gave 'em the third floor, let them settle down for a coupla days, then cracked the whip. Jose couldn't do the complex stuff, I still hadta get fuckin' electricians and plumbers and stuff for that, but he was hell on wheels with plaster and paint, floors too, and after the first week Maria was gonna do anythin' she was told. They loved goddam plants too, and the yard started to look real nice. It's in the genes, I guess. Kids were pretty well-behaved, almost cute. Annie was in and out like a fuckin' yo-yo, looking at paint colors and fabric samples, tried to keep showing me fuckin' furniture catalogs. I kicked back until my new front room was done, then I went kinda mad, had one entire wall covered with fitted bookshelves, and set about filling them.

That time was about as domestic as I've ever been, and parts of it were real fun. Meals round the big table, kids playin' in the yard at weekends, knowin' I was saving money and bein' a boy scout at the same time. Tired me some though, and I was gettin' sick of the smell of Mexican food, so I was kinda glad when Jose found a proper job around Christmas. Even stuck my neck out and gave him a written reference, dam' good one too. They moved out soon after that, but Maria had decided I was God's younger son, so poor ol' Jose kept comin' round evenings to finish up the jobs and Maria kept comin' round to keep an eye on him and clean. Annie shamed me into payin' them by the hour, but that was still cheap as shit and I wasn't in a hurry.

'You wanna practice this kinda stuff a bit more,' she said one evening. 'You manage to combine bein' real selfish with bein' a real human person too, the results are fuckin' ace.' We were walking round the house admirin' it. It sure looked good. Everything clean, rooms furnished cheap but tasteful, new bathrooms shining. Inspectors had passed it fit for renters and I was feeling pretty proud. My apartment on the first floor was exactly the way I wanted. Even the height of the mirrors in the bathroom was right. Come in under budget too. Workin' with McCarthy taught me how to cost stuff.