(c) 2012 by Cactus Juggler
*
Monday morning staff meetings were seldom entertaining but I had a bone to pick, so I was pretty energetic that day.
"Look, we can't have some nurse doing this on the side. With all the money we poured into starting up the pain management center, with the new building, the advertising, everything, we're going to let a nurse do her own little amateur hypnosis thing?" I said.
Dr. Collins was offended, I could tell. Not that I cared, I didn't think too much of his unit. The series of general practitioner office groups he ran that were scattered throughout the county, he wouldn't have even been a political player at the hospital, but he was also a long time friend and golf-buddy of the chief, so I had to take some care.
Being one of the few female senior medical staff members had its disadvantages sometimes. For one, I'd be damned if I was ever going to pretend to like golf just to ingratiate myself with the old boys club.
"Dr. Sullivan, Nurse Kemp has done some amazing things. We've had patients with back pain that was fixed by multiple surgeries stop using prescription pain-killers after working with her," he said to me.
"Right, I'm sure. Actual medicine versus some twenty-something nurse telling you you're getting very sleepy now. I saw her with a girl so young that she could have been a teenager on Friday, and the girl's chart said she was suffering from fibromyalgia. At least that's fake pain, so some fake medicine is probably the right answer," I rolled my eyes, and I could see that most of the doctors in the room were behind me on that one.
It was the general consensus that certain problems were not really medical in nature. fibromyalgia sufferers, or anyone who claimed to be allergic to more than one thing were pretty much automatically classified as psych cases by most of us.
"Come now, Nancy, don't you list hypnosis as one of your precious pain management clinic's available options?"
"Sure, but we don't recommend it, and we bring in an outside therapist who is a certified expert when we someone ask for it."
I would have pushed the argument farther, but the chief gave me a look and changed the subject, so I dropped it for the time being and just enjoyed the nasty looks Collins tossed at me through the rest of the meeting.
**********
I stopped in to the cafeteria on the first floor to grab some lunch to take back to my office. I passed by a table with two young women and I got a few paces past the table before I realized that it was the famous nurse Leanna Kemp, with a familiar looking younger woman.
When I turned around, I recognized the girl, who was maybe twenty. The woman seemed engrossed with whatever the nurse had to say, leaning just a bit too close to her. Kemp looked all of a half-dozen years older, and both of them pretty, young women. Prettier and younger than myself, to be honest, which didn't help my reaction.
"Nurse Kemp?"
She smiled and got up to take my offered hand.
"Doctor Sullivan," I told her. "I run the pain management clinic? I understand you also run a pain-management practice of some type."
She looked a bit flustered by my approach, it was obvious she was already hip to the fact that we weren't likely to become friends any time soon.
"I, well, I do some hypnosis . . ."
"Isn't it true that multiple studies have found hypnosis no more effective than placebo when used for pain management though?"
"I-I don't know. I've helped some people," she began to explain.
"What sort of training have you had?"
"Training?"
"I mean, what are your medical credentials to be performing this non-effective therapy in a clinical setting?"
She was noticeably embarrassed, her cheeks looked pinker than they had when I'd walked up. I let the question hang in the air for only a moment before continuing.
"You know, take me for example. I went to one of the finest medical schools in the country, I've worked in some of the finest hospitals in the country, and of course I'm also board-certified in several specialties. I'm sure before you started waving pocket-watches in front of patients you had some training, right?"
Both she and her companion were upset; this pleased me enough that I smiled at her before I strode away, without looking back.
**********
Working late in my office, after the clinic had closed, I was surprised to see young nurse Kemp in my doorway. She wasn't in scrubs, and she looked even prettier in street clothes.
"Can I help you?"
"Doctor Sullivan, I'm here to ask you to stop talking about me. I understand you've been telling people that I'm some sort of danger to the hospital."
"Don't you think you are? Are you bright enough to understand the sort of liability this place is exposed to by your little amateur hour voodoo medicine practice?"
"It's not voodoo medicine. I've helped a lot of people."
She kept her eyes on mine, she looked much more composed than she had in the cafeteria. I was preparing to shred her some more for the fun of it, when she made the most ridiculous suggestion.
"I came here to make a wager with you. Let me show you that what I do isn't bullshit. Give me a chance to hypnotize you, and if I can't, I'll stop doing hypnosis here."
It was so absurd that I wasn't sure where to start. She had to be crazy if she thought I'd let her try to hypnotize me. Crazier still if she thought she could succeed.