"You mean she let you out to hang with the guys?" he asked sarcastically. The others laughed as I nodded and tried to let the jab not reflect the sharpness that had stabbed at me.
Married three years and my lovely girlfriend had turned into a shrew. Something about a wedding ring transformed her from Jekyll, to the monstrous Hyde overnight. Gone were the late nights out with the guys, all my single friends had been replaced by "couple" friends, where I smiled and sat neutered on one side of the table watching my wife Esther gab away with her girlfriend, while I tried to make small talk with the other husband. We would always have absolutely nothing in common, and I supposed his interesting rough edges had been worn down throughout the years of marriage until he was a happy male drone, there to drive his wife around and carry her purse and tell her that "no, those jeans did not, in fact, make her butt look big".
The evening went well, and I was savoring every moment of it until it was just Jack and me, having a final drink, before the cab came to bring me home. I glanced at my watch; a half-hour past the time I said I would be home. Esther would be pissed and I was a little distracted with thoughts of reasonable excuses that would satisfy her enough to not drag a long argument out when I returned home. I noticed a silence and glanced over towards Jack.
"You in the doghouse?" he asked.
"Nah, I'm good." I pretended.
He shrugged, and we both knew that I was full of shit.
"You know, it's been really nice hanging with all the guys..." I said wistfully.
"We've missed you, man. It's just a shame..." he stopped and we both understand what didn't need to be vocalized.
"You know," he said. "I could probably help you out a little with that."
I laughed, "Yeah, right."
He took another swig of his beer. "Suit yourself." This got me curious, and after a few minutes I leaned forward.
"Okay, supposing for arguments sake, I'm interested, I mean, how can you help me?" Jack smiled and his face lit up like I had asked the right question that he was just waiting for someone to ask all night long.
"I've got some new skills! Well not new, but over the last two years I've been studying without telling any of you guys, because, well, you know..." I nodded and prompted him to go on.
"Well, you're looking at a fully trained hypnotist!"
I laughed. "You're right Jack, if we had known you were studying that shit we would have given you hell! That hypno crap ain't real."
Jack looked a little hurt by my remarks but pushed forward.
"Look, I've worked with a number of subjects, but one of the hardest parts for me is to find new subjects. We would be killing two birds with one stone. I could have a new subject, and in the same respect we can make a few changes in Esther that would help her, and by extension help you."
"Yeah right! You just want another subject. This shit ain't gonna help me!"
He shook his head. "Look, we both know Esther can't kick her smoking habit..."
That was true. A more disgusting habit I cannot find, yet I love that woman, and if I had to kiss an ashtray every once in a while when she had a weakness for her habit...shit, it would be great to get rid of that!
"Yeah, I can see that. She always wants to kick it but says it's too hard to do it."
"See what I mean? She knows me, hell man I've known her even longer than you. I think if you bring it up properly, she might be intrigued enough to seek me out on her own. Then I can help you both with her habit and maybe ease her up a little on your hanging with the guys a little more often!"
It all sounded perfect, and who was I to poke holes in his little plan?
Esther did give me hell that night. The beer on my breath didn't make things easier; however it was the next week when I casually mentioned after a disgusting kiss from her that pointed out her smoking, that Jack had become a trained hypnotist specializing in all sorts of bad habit breaking. Esther was quiet as she tried to ascertain if I had tasted the smoky tobacco on her breath.
A call four days later from Jack had confirmed that Esther had indeed contacted him to see if he was indeed doing what I had said. An appointment was made for later that week. Esther herself that evening mentioned that she had taken a step in the right direction by trying to get help for her smoking habit and was taking Jack up on the offer of helping her to reduce smoking.
The first session seemed innocent enough. Nothing really happened. Esther seemed okay, and I never did taste the stench of cigarettes on her breath, but when I mentioned plans to go out with the guys again the shrew reappeared.
"Dude, she's still the same!" I told Jack over the phone.
"Well yes," he said dumbly. "But now you don't taste her cigs!"
"Man I thought you were gonna make her like a robot or something..."