Copyright 2010 By Donald R. Barber aka Diggypop.
Notice: This story is set at what the protagonist initially believes is a fundamentalist/evangelical Bible Camp and contains many religious references and themes. If you dislike mixing religious themes with sexual ones please do not read. This story is not meant to convey any particular message about any particular religion, but major themes are the impact of religious repression, and how a submissive attitude towards authority can lead to unethical manipulations. So reader beware!
June 10
I'm not too sure what to write here. I've never kept a diary before. I always thought they were for girls, but Counselor Jeremy says we all need to keep track of our spiritual progress. Just because our names are written in the Book of Life doesn't mean Jesus is our secretary. Counselor Jeremy said that. I liked it so I wrote it down. He said it's OK to write down stuff other people say as long as I give them the credit and don't do it too much. This is about my journey, he said, not the signs I read on the road. (Darn it! He just says all these great things. I guess I'm kind of envious.)
I guess I should really start with where I'm at now. Gotta start somewhere. My name is Chris Stewart and I'm 18. I graduated from high school this May, but the Illinois State Supreme Court said we weren't a real high school so now if I want to go to a regular college I have to take an equivalency test, but I won't hurry about that because for the next couple of years I'll be getting my A. B. S. (Associate in Bible Studies) at William Walker University, which is funded by Mr. Rex Jordan himself.
My dad says I should probably get a certificate in welding or something when I'm done, even if I go on to be a preacher like him. When I was five, I remembered him looking at the collection plate and shaking his head, and all he'd say to me was, "God likes to keep me guessing sometimes." I asked Mom and she said back then Dad made more money mowing lawns than saving souls, but it never hurts having Reverend on your resume.
Anyway, this my first day at Bible Camp, and it still feels weird to think of it. At my age, I assumed I'd be a counselor if I went to any camp at all, not a camper. But this place is specifically for young adults (and 'Adult' means 18), young Christian adults who want to forge a faith of steel in the fires of discipline, which I should mention is on the camp brochure.. I just remembered I can't take credit if someone else said it.
If I'd had to pay for it, or if Dad had, I wouldn't be here. But I was given a scholarship by an anonymous donor, which they made sure to let me know soon as they contacted me, so I'd know it was OK. Heck, with them taking care of my meals all summer, it'll help out around the house, too.
Some folks are too proud to take charity, but Dad always says helping hands ought to be encouraged, and I you can forgive your enemies, you ought to be able to take a gift from a friend. But there I go, using my dads words.
Course I'm also getting a scholarship to college, same as everyone that went to my high school, Sunday High, which was named after Billy Sunday, also they wanted parents to think it was like sending their kids to Sunday school during the week. Anyhow, they heard the state was 'discrediting' us, so they offered the scholarships to express solidarity. They also suggested a donation, but Dad said that could wait till I was an alumnus, and that degree had earned me some money.
Dad seems like he's not that happy I'm not following in his footsteps, but he's afraid to say so. Mom told me on the side that being a pastor kept us from being homeless and kept Dad out of jail, but it never was gonna make him famous or even successful, so he just gets kind of sick of it after a while.
I'd never dishonor Dad by saying this to his face or in public, but I don't think his faith is what it ought to be. That's why the Bible Camp offer appealed to me. I want to really bolster up my faith, maybe even get enough for me and Dad. Except I don't know if you can store up faith for someone else, or if it's even OK to want to do that. I guess I need to remember to ask a counselor when I get a chance.
So I guess I'm not sure just where I am, spiritually. I mean, I believe in the Bible and everything, but I don't know what God wants me to do with my life. My Dad's advice is pretty practical, but he says if God doesn't tell me directly, it's not for him to say what God wants. I hate to tell him, but that's what people go to pastors for.
I guess I'll write again tomorrow. I hope I'm doing this right.
June 11
I guess I need some practice on this whole diary thing. I just realized yesterday's first entry didn't have word one about what happened to me yesterday. It's kind of funny how the words just seem to come out, and then they go all over the place. Well, from now on I'll make sure to put in stuff that happened that day. (We write these just before we go to bed, so nothing worth writing down is likely to happen until we wake up in the morning.)
So. Today we got up at 6, which seemed early to some people here; their families must not have had cows or chickens growing up. That's one advantage to preaching to farmers; if they don't feel like giving you money, you get livestock.
This place has running water, but to keep expenses low, we all take a dip in the lake before breakfast. It's a pretty good-sized lake, so the guys and the girls just go in far enough from each other so we aren't looking at each other with lust. It's weird, cause it's still obvious we're naked; it's not like we're invisible to each other. But Counselor Jeremy says if we get worked up by girls when they're a half-mile away, naked or clothed, we got troubles a privacy curtain can't fix.
One rule they gave us right off the bat is no masturbation. They said there were reasons for it they'll explain as we go, and they aren't saying it's a sin, but we need to find out what our bodies will do if we aren't playing tricks on them, and to talk to a counselor if we think we can't go another minute without taking matters into our own hands. A lot of us laughed at that one, which made Counselor Spears grin, which is good cause I hate it when people don't know what they said was funny.
So after breakfast (which was pretty good even though I heard a couple people griping they didn't have a special meal for vegetarians) we met for the Morning Thought, which was more like a mini-sermon, but it was supposed to guide our Morning Meditation later on.
This first one was about Adam and Eve, which makes sense. And Counselor Steele asked us to imagine what it would be like to live in the Garden of Eden. To imagine ourselves completely naked but completely comfortable, and have every need and want be satisfied by something just within reach. Then imagine how the serpent got them to want things they never even heard of, and said they could get it if they ate a fruit.
He said, Don't just imagine it, feel it in your body, which got a lot of puzzled looks.
We each go off by ourselves for Morning Meditation, and I sat under a big oak tree and tried to feel what it was like. I figure it's kind of like being a kid in the summertime but otherwise I didn't feel anything special. Then I had a crazy thought that if I took off my clothes I'd know, sort of. But the bark was rough and there were bugs and if somebody walked by how could I explain myself? So I didn't get naked and I'm still not sure how it felt to be Adam and Eve.
We then split up into activity teams, and when they say activity they don't mean sports. For four and a half hours we do something productive. It has to be with our hands, although we have at least one disabled camper who doesn't have hands, but I'm sure they'll find something for him to do. My group did gardening.
Luckily they have a pretty good garden, so my job (weeding) was pretty easy. There were a few weeds, but I spent more time looking for them than pulling them. Other people had to check for pests, or blight, make sure the soil has enough moisture, and even dig at the soil to prepare it for seeds. I didn't know anyone planted this time of year, but I guess I don't know enough about gardening. Maybe I should have paid more attention when Mom talked about it.
Anyway, four hours isn't so bad, just a half a days work really, but it was hot today, so I was glad we had a rest period afterwards.
Then we had recreation time. That sounds like it ought to be fun and I guess it was but it was more effort than I expected. According to Counselor Jameson, the most important part of recreation is 'creation.' That means God wants us to be creative in the ways we share him with others. If we have a specific gift for music or poetry or even sports, if we don't nurture it, it's like we're spitting in God's face. And that goes for anything we're good at.
So this week my group gets storytelling. We each had to come up with an idea for a story. My first one wasn't that original, I guess. I decided my story would be about a teenager whose friend offers him drugs. Counselor Jameson said I could do better, and asked me to think of something that would take ninety minutes to an hour to tell, and something that didn't read like an after-school special.
So I remembered something that happened with one of my dad's parishioners. His son Roy went into the army, and everyone was real proud. But he came back from Iraq, and he wasn't hurt or anything, but he'd really changed. I guess he wasn't such a good Christian before he left, but he acted like one, as far as anyone could tell.
When he got back, he swore a lot, and he was always going out to bars, and he got his girlfriend, Cindy, to move in with him but not get married. And so Roy's dad wouldn't talk to him, and Cindy's parents wouldn't talk to her, and one Sunday Cindy and Roy showed up at church in jeans and t-shirts, and their parents didn't say anything during the service but afterwards they yelled at them and told them church was for Christians and to get out.
Well, my dad had a talk with all of them after asking everyone to leave (including me and Mom) and he wouldn't tell me what was said just that it was real sad and he wished the Bible had more about how to be a good parent.
Anyway, I shortened it to: "A son comes back from war changed, and his parents don't know how to deal with it." She said it's been done before but that doesn't mean I can't work with it, especially once I admitted it was based on a true story, and that I knew the people, sort of.
She gave me a packet that she said would help me flesh out my idea into a plot outline. She said she wasn't making any promises and didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, but we should all work on it the way we'd want it done if it were gonna be a real film.
