Chapter 4: fuck[ing] the police
Police trooper Lisa Harris rubbed her eyes again as she shifted in the seat of her police cruiser. It might be 2 in the morning, but she wasn't that sleepy: Her entire life cycle had adjusted to the needs of the night shift. It couldn't have been any drug induced hallucination: coffee and energy drinks don't do that... as far as she knows. Well if they were then police would definitely be banned from consuming them on the job, or something.
So then why is there a naked woman openly urinating on the sidewalk, seemingly without a care in the world? Heck, she wasn't even squatting, which would have at least allowed for a lower silhouette. Rather, she was standing by the curb, strutting her hips out, almost as if she's flaunting her act to the world.
With a sigh Lisa unhooked her seatbelt, opened the door, and stepped out, making sure to slam the door shut with a suitable loud noise. Not that loud of course, that's not a good thing to do at a time when most are asleep, but loud enough to make her presence known. A small part of her mind hoped that the sudden noise would alert the other woman to her presence, and run away or something. She really doesn't want to make an arrest, especially for a nonviolent victimless one. It's a lot of stupid paperwork even when everything goes smoothly.
The lewd woman paid no attention to her, as if lost in her own little world. That's not a big deal, because she's about to receive a rude awakening. As she closed in the distance Lisa took out a pair of handcuffs, and in a series of fluid motions grabbed the other woman's hands, put them behind her back, and slapped the handcuffs on them.
"Do not resist, anything you say will be used against you in a-" Lisa began spewing the standard speech before being cut off by a chuckle from the other lady, who doesn't seem to be bothered at all by her predicament. She was about to resume, but held her tongue. If this lady is as crazy as she acts, then it's rather pointless to bother with what would go in one ear and out the other.
"That's fine. It won't get to court." The other lady replied with a smug grin. "Name's Sara by the way."
Lisa rolled her eyes at that. Clearly this chick is on some kind of drugs, or off her meds. Doesn't matter, the end result being that she ain't right in the head at the moment. Could be dangerous, but then again, how dangerous could a naked and handcuffed lady be?
"As if. Come along now." Lisa replied as she began pushing Sara back to the police car. To her mild surprise Sara was still oddly cooperative, not even resisting in the least. That smug grin remained on her face though, but then again, it's quite common for the delusional to have no clue of how much trouble they're in.
And this- Sara is obviously delusional. There's no way that someone would expose themselves in public like that, and expect no consequences whatsoever. Lisa opened the rear door of the squad car and shoved the naked woman into the back seat. Quickly she closed the door and got back to the driver's seat in the front, strapped in her seatbelt, and started the vehicle.
"You want to know why I'm not scared?" Sara spoke with the confidence of someone who knows how everything will play out, or someone completely deluded. Same difference really.
"Because porn has rotted your brain and you think you live in such a world?" Lisa quipped. She shouldn't be making small talk with the arrested, that's rather unprofessional. But then again, what's the harm? Especially if she's really that deluded. No one will believe the babbling of the crazy, most of the time anyway.
"But what if it is?" Sara asked, with seeming seriousness. Lisa snorted in contempt.
"Yeah right, and you can talk to the camera later, when we take your mugshot." Lisa replied.
"What if I can prove it?" Sara continued unabated, completely not discouraged by Lisa not taking any of it seriously. The policewoman's far from the first person to not believe in the unbelievable. "Actually, I'll show you. Just wait and see."
"That's what they all say." Lisa dismissed the seemingly empty threat. Wasn't the first time she heard that, and it won't be the first time that nothing ever follows up... it's almost always in their head, and the rare exceptions were rather inconsequential, being petty things blown all out of proportion.
Meth is one hell of a drug. Entertaining in the news, but an absolute pain for Lisa and her colleagues to deal with. Not that she thinks Sara here is on meth necessarily. Perhaps something more mild like some prescription drugs or something. A common enough problem in the area.
"Come on, aren't you at least a bit curious?" Sara continued, a sly grin beginning to scrawl across her face. Lisa also finally noticed that Sara was sitting in the back of the police cruiser with her legs spread. Not full spread like in those pornos, but wide enough to give the signal that she's aware of what she's doing.
"No, not really." Lisa replied nonchalantly as she made a turn into the police station's parking lot. The town really wasn't that large in the grand scheme of things, but vehicles are still necessary to haul in the suspects and other such riffraffs, like the current situation. She parked the vehicle into one of the parking spots, turned off the car, got out, circled around to the back, opened the back door before hauling Sara out. As she did so she noticed that there is now a noticeable wet spot on the back seat. "Alright, time to get you sorted out." She muttered, mostly to herself.
"So what's gonna happen now?" Sara asked. Lisa noticed that there wasn't a trace of fear or even concern in her voice, merely that of curiosity.
"Throw your bare ass into the drunk tank for the night, and check in in a few hours to see if that'll knock some sense into you." Lisa replied, not completely matter of factly. "Oh, and probably scrounge up some clothes for you in the meantime." She added the last part almost as an afterthought.
"Would you believe me if things don't turn out that way?" Sara asked slyly. Lisa narrowed her eyes.
"If you're thinking of resisting it will end very badly for you." The policewoman said evenly, though she could not see it turning that way. Chances are if this naked woman does try throwing punches it'll most likely end up with her flailing on the ground like an idiot, just like the majority of those few who do resist. Besides, the naked woman was still handcuffed.
"Oh no, nothing of the sort." Sara replied mysteriously. Lisa simply snorted dismissively as she led the two of them into the police station.
As befitting of a small town, the police station itself wasn't that large, and the front desk was right there, barely a handful of steps past the front entrance. Said front desk was manned by assistant deputy Tim, who was the only other police officer of the entire shift. There simply wasn't enough activity in the town to warrant more manpower than that.
"Oh, what do we have here?" Jim asked as he looked up from his paperwork, no sense of surprise or shock in his voice. Lisa found his utter lack of expression only slightly off, as while the professionalism was somewhat expected, but not really for the night shift... and well, there should be at least some kind of expression from a man at the sight of a naked woman being led in.
"Just another loon being indecent in public." Lisa said with a casualness that she doesn't completely feel. If he's unperturbed by the sight in front of him then she'll match his calmness. "Just gonna dump her in one of the cells for the night and see if she'll get back to her senses by the time our shift ends."
"Well, let's pat her down first, gotta make sure she's not hiding anything on her, or rather, in her." Jim said as he stood up and made his way around the desk.
"Oh come on, that-" Lisa was about to brush it off as an off color joke when she noticed in mid sentence that Jim seemed completely serious, and moreover acting as if what he just said was perfectly reasonable and mundane, rather than something outrageous even in the context of a joke.
A joke that he's clearly not making.
So Lisa bit her tongue and waited, simply uncuffed Sara and handing her over to Jim, she also noticed a smirk on Sara's face as the latter snuck a glance at her. Clearly the crazy woman was expecting this.
Jim wasted no time as he quickly unzipped his pants, while Sara kneeled in front of him, as if she had done this kind of thing before... which was probably the least unusual aspect of the whole situation.
"First things first, let's see if you're hiding anything up there." Jim said as he shoved his erect 6 and a half inch penis into Sara's waiting mouth, and after an initial moment of gagging she quickly got into a rhythm, bobbing her head up and down while her hands cupped and massaged his balls.
As Lisa continued watching the sight in front of her she was running through an internal dialogue in her mind, trying to find some kind of logical explanation to what she's seeing. In all the years she knew him, Jim has always been solid and dependable, if not particularly imaginative in both work and otherwise. To see him going full porn logic at the mere sight of a young pretty naked woman is completely out of character for him. The first thing she suspected was that perhaps he's scheming with Sara in secret, but then why would they do that in front of her in such a blatant manner? The possibility of drugs was quickly brought up and dismissed in her mind. Jim doesn't even smoke or vape, at least, she never saw him doing that at work or even have anything like that when other members of the police force occasionally tried to bum a cig or a hit from a vape. A flurry of other possibilities flashed by, each more nonsensical than the last, until the impossible stared at Lisa in the face:
Maybe Sara isn't lying about whatever she's blabbing about. Lisa finally sighed as her mind dragged her attention back to the 'search' in front of her.
