Welcome to chapter 21.
As always, I would like to extend my sincerest thanks to my editors and my supporters. My gratitude and admiration are beyond measure.
Now, on with the story.
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I suppose that when it comes to timing, some things just work out better than others. It took the better part of a week for Jeeves to comb through the local-ish listings and find somewhere suitable to rent. It was a small, isolated bungalow on a deserted country lane. That lane provided the only means of access to the property and was surrounded on both sides by thick woodland. Woods might not sound like the best of options when it came to being able to see an enemy approaching, but Jeeves and the computer system quickly solved that problem with a dozen or so well-placed wireless cameras.
To be fair to Jeeves, it took him less than a few minutes to narrow the list of available properties down to one. The rest of the week was spent waiting for the letting agency to perform the relevant background checks, prepare the contracts and finally hand over the keys. All of it, of course, being done under the name of a quickly created alias. It took six days in total, all of them spent in a state of absolute, indescribable, mind-numbing boredom.
Knowing there was a self-inflicted target on my back meant I had to limit my public exposure as much as possible. In layman's terms, that meant sitting alone in my apartment playing the games my computer system had designed. Don't get me wrong, the games themselves were amazing. The engine and the system built around it were performing beyond anything I could have hoped for, and producing content that would keep the average human busy for the rest of their natural lives. The problem was I wasn't an average human. The mundanities of playing video games, especially when constantly on alert, did not come close to distracting me.
My college project was finished. I upgraded the system as much as I possibly could without resorting to inventing new computer components, I had done as much research on the Inquisition, the Royals, the crash, and the mysterious area of Ukraine as the internet allowed - even going as far as mapping out the actions in the ongoing war currently raging there - and after all that I still had four more days to kill. In an enormous break with tradition, and a good indicator of my state of mind, I was even too distracted to fuck Faye.
She was cool with it; she understood, and she was feeling the pressure as much as I was. Still, dismissing the opportunity for countless hours of hot, steamy, physics-defying sex with a drop-dead gorgeous redhead with a mind as perverted as mine, was something new for me. It set the benchmark for how I dealt with pressure. From that point in my life onward, I could measure how stressed I was by my willingness to bury myself into Faye's willing and eager sex. If I could without getting distracted, then I wasn't as stressed as I had been during those four days.
I spent more time than I would like to admit playing frisbee with my city's superhero mole.
It's funny the things you come up with when you are bored.
Anyway, timing.
The end of that week also marked the end of the academic semester, with the college breaking for Christmas. As much as I had previously detested the season thanks to my parents - you can imagine how badly they reacted to a holiday based around spoiling children - I had always enjoyed it whilst being a student. Jimmy and I spent most of the last couple of years painfully, liver-destroyingly drunk. Normally, this would have posed a problem, what with me moving out of the apartment, albeit temporarily, but as it turned out, I needn't have worried. His relationship with his Grandmother, his only living blood relative, wasn't a huge amount better than mine was with my family; he had always been happy to spend the holidays with Uncle Bob and me. This year, however, there was another option. In my preoccupation with the maelstrom of mystery and deceit surrounding my life, I had completely missed the strength and seriousness of his blossoming relationship with Lori. It was so serious, in fact, that she had invited him to go home with her for Christmas to meet her parents.
Yes, I mercilessly teased him about how much she would regret that choice by January. It was a joke, of course, and Jimmy, being Jimmy, took it as one. Even Lori - whose love for my friend had triggered the "within reason" clause of my powers, rendering her completely immune to them - had joined in the ribbing. Either way, I was happy for him. The most dedicated man-whore ever to grace the hallowed halls of our ever-anonymous college finally found the one girl capable of taming him.
Still, every time I watched their euphorically happy shared glances, I felt that sharp pang of pain, knowing that I would never share them with Faye outside of the confines of my own mind.
Maybe if this whole debacle was settled before Christmas, I could travel to Faye's parents' home and introduce myself. Faye assured me that it would go well if I tried but made a point of not outright asking.
The end of the winter semester also meant that Olvia was heading home. Evie, apparently, was sticking around. Charlotte had won the professional lottery and scored some time off over Christmas, which she was planning on spending with family. Becky and Philippa, also not being students, were working as they normally would. In fact, the Christmas period was an extra busy time for their profession, thanks to the inebriation of most of the general population. Drunk people have more accidents. Who knew?
Contrary to making me feel more isolated at the departure of most of my support network, it was actually a relief. Not only would I not have to exert power possibly needed elsewhere in an attempt to make sure people stayed away from me while also not noticing I had moved out, but I also didn't have to worry about protecting them. They weren't around, so as long as the rogue Inquisitors got their shit together and found me before my people came back, I wouldn't have to worry about my friends getting caught in the crossfire.
On the sixth day, I had the keys in hand, and I moved the few belongings I actually needed to the new place. It was as busy as I had been for a week. Yet I couldn't help but be amazed by the lengths that Jeeves and the computer's intelligence had gone to to cover my tracks. Voting registers, bank statements, mobile phone bills, TV, internet, and utility bills, and even a healthy porn history had been created in my new alias's name for this house and backdated for months. The computer even doctored my credit file to show that I had been living here since leaving home. Every single digital trace of me ever living in the Queen's Head, or at my dorm before that had been erased from existence. Uncle Bob had been 'programmed' to have utterly no idea who I was until I needed to come back, along with every single regular who I thought could pick me out of a lineup. For good measure, the dynamic duo of Jeeves and the computer - who I quickly realized I would have to name - had checked to see if a search had been run on my name against any and every conceivable entity that could possibly have my information. If the Inquisitors so much as looked up the date I would be eligible for a state pension, Jeeves would know about it.
Fortunately, it would seem that no searches had been run.
The computer system itself had obviously stayed back in the lofts above the Head. The plan was to draw the Inquisitors to the cottage and then fuck them up. I had no faith or expectation that the cottage itself would survive and didn't want the computer caught up in the carnage. Communicating with it via its permanent link with my cell phone slowed things down a little, but not enough to hamper the plan.
On day seven, the plan started in earnest. I became Mr. Fucking Social! I was everywhere. Anywhere where I could possibly be spotted by someone looking for me. I went to a pub - not the Queen's Head, obviously - I went to the movies, I ate out, I got into a fight specifically to be arrested. Hell, I even visited the workingman's club where the attack had taken place on the off chance that Inquisitors were watching that. Anything I could think of to get my fake name and new address into the system. I even hired a car. I gave myself the ability to drive as well as the world's best race car driver and fabricated a license for myself that would show up on any records.
All the while, the Dynamic Duo was watching every single security camera within twenty miles of me and the bungalow to see if any unreadable people started getting closer. We had no idea if any of the people we were expecting to pick up were Inquisitors, blocking Evos, or even, I had realized, people like Evie. In fact, the only person it picked up for quite some time was Evie. If anyone else wandered into the perimeter for any reason whatsoever, they would be tagged and tracked like they owed me child support!
On day eleven, four days after putting the plan into action, the first of them was spotted.
By day fourteen, there were twenty of them. Splitting into smaller groups, they were very helpful in pointing out that they were who I was looking for by retracing the steps I had taken the previous few days. It was quite impressive to watch them narrow down the area, though.
I must admit, I felt more than a little spark of excitement when one group got as close as the end of the lane, but they turned back.
"Fucking spoilsports."
Then came Christmas eve.
Twas the night before Christmas, and bored in my house,
I was scrolling through porn sites, with deft clicks of my mouse.
When, all of a sudden, an alarm loudly rang