I don't know why I'm writing this story. It sort of seems pointless as I doubt anyone will read it, or if they do, its doubtful they'll believe it. The strange thing is, that even though I'm going to tell you things that sound awful, and I'll admit that if I told this would happen a year ago I would be horrified. I just am not that upset about them anymore. Its probably a mark of how conditioned I've become. Regardless, I'm not going to attach my name to this as in a week none of that will matter. But then I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm not a writer so forgive me if this seems rough around the edges.
I remember it being a Monday when this whole thing started. The first Monday after New Years. Like so many years in the past, THIS year, I was going to get to the gym. I had Christmas with my family like I always did. My sister came with her handsome husband. She has two children and looks like she just stepped out of a Victoria secrete magazine. I love her to death and she's so sweet. I don't know if she's ever said a mean word to me. I know that she works for that body of hers and that SHE hits the gym like every day. But I still couldn't help but hate her for it. I was only 22 and she was 27 and I had "time" but I had hardly had what anyone would call a boyfriend up to this point.
I blame my mom. Like my sister, she has always stayed in shape. She was Miss Washington, something she never lets me forget. And really, I think she believes her badgering me about my weight was really something that would help me in life. She got everything she wanted though her looks; my dad and his money included. The fucked up thing is, I don't the she really loves him. She just seems so bland and indifferent. Maybe that's why I didn't make the effort to stay in shape or to really take care of myself; I didn't want any part of the life she made for herself. Sure I had an extra 20-30 lbs but at least I wasn't her. Or that could just be an excuse.
Either way, there I was on the first Monday after New Years, signing up for a new gym that had just opened. The girl signing me up looked like her other job was as a stripper. Super tight body, obviously peeking out from under her shirt and her shorts. When she stood me in front of the full length mirror and asked me what about my body I didn't like, it was almost too much humiliation to take. I remember feeling on the verge of tears. But I pushed them back. THIS year I was going to stick to it! I wanted a boyfriend and then a husband. I had a pretty good job doing marketing for a pro basketball team and was happy with my income, a thing a lot of women my age can't say. But I wanted more.
Now let me straighten something out. I wasn't fat. I was 20....maybe 30 lbs overweight. And for the most part my body was okay. I did have my mother's genes for boobs, so I was lucky that way. I had posted on "Rate My Rack.com" and had first place locked down with my 36DD's for months. Yea, I know, its a bit sleazy, and a bad way to value yourself, but what the hell.
Anyway, I'm sitting there with this girl and she sees the despondency on my face and starts to ask me about it. I don't remember what I said, but I opened up and told her WAY more than I wanted to. I told her how every year I had come, determined I would work out, and every year I stopped after 3 weeks. I was almost sobbing at her desk when I heard the words that will forever be etched in my mind: "I have a secrete." "I had the same problem as you did two years ago, but found a way to fix it."
I stopped and looked up. Her tone of voice had changed, her look on her face had changed, and I realized this wasn't apart of the normal health club rhetoric. "What?..I mean how?" I stammered the words out. She explained that two years ago she had been in the same situation and someone had told her their secrete. There was a doctor she knew that would install a little device for you that monitored your heart rate. If you didn't keep it up over 120 bpm for 20 minutes a day, it would shock you. Hard. Hard enough that you defiantly would want to exercise.
I stat there, probably with my mouth wide open. "You did?" "OMG...did it work?"
"Yea, it worked. I've exercised every day without fail. Well except for one day a week. Its set to give you one day off."
"God, where did you get that done? Is it expensive?" The questions poured from me until she gave me a card. "Dr. Stevens" it read in plane font with a phone number.
"You just call him, and go into his office. You can get it installed on your first appointment. It works, and I got the bulk of it covered by insurance. But I should warn you, he won't take it out for you. It defeats the purpose."
I walked away from her with my new Gym membership, and Dr. Stevens card in my hand. And I KNEW I was going to call him. This was going to substitute for my will power, and would help me get what I wanted. I couldn't wait till I saw my Mom next and I was in better shape than my sister! I was so excited. I could just picture myself telling her to "fuck off" and that I never cared how she felt about my weight.
I called the Doctor, and it was exactly as I expected. A waiting room, two other women similar to me. They called my name and I went in. There was a nurse. She took notes while he asked me questions. He explained that what he did here and asked me to sign a documents and consent forms. I read a good chunk of them. It said right there, in plain black and white that:
"the device is a commitment. I will not remove it, nor should any other doctor make an attempt to remove it without contacting me. It can be turned off if you need surgery or something happens that requires you to be inactive." It also said "we have 100% success rate," which I completely believed.
He explained how he installed it under the skin just below my pelvic bone. It didn't leave a scar, and no one could tell it was there. It charged off the motion of my body and would be there indefinitely. Some installs were out to 12 years now with no problems and no side effects. The shocks weren't dangerous at all and used such a low current that the only reason they were painful was because they were so close to the nerves. They would start softly as a reminder and build over the next hour. For a whole hour after the warnings, very strong shocks would be delivered causing strong pain and contractions. Once the heart rate went up over 120, they would stop.
I know now that I was crazy for saying yes, but it seemed simple enough. He demonstrated the shocks with a little device. The warnings made me tingle. The other shocks made me yell out the first time. I was defiantly going to be working out. And that's why I said yes. It was a way of assuring that I'd get everything I wanted. I signed the paperwork.