Tess has been dating Mark for almost a year. They had long since passed the butterflies-in-the-stomach phase of their relationship. Nights out on the town had fallen in favor of movie nights in one of their living rooms. The question "what does he think of me?" had been replaced with "what are we doing for dinner tonight?" And sex had become more sporadic and routine. Tess didn't actually know where her matching lace lingerie was, but it was probably at the bottom of a laundry pile somewhere. Their relationship was now firmly "comfortable".
Tess wasn't unhappy, by any means. She liked Mark and enjoyed hanging out with him. Now, there was a lot less pressure. Tess knew that the stereotype for a late-twenty-something woman was to be pushing for a ring or a next step, but she was happy living life for the time being. And Mark had voiced no complaints either.
This particular date night was at Mark's apartment. As Tess rode the elevator up to her boyfriend's apartment, she thought how much easier this stage of the relationship was. She didn't have to do her makeup nice or spend much time on her hair. She didn't have to spend a lot of time on an outfit—sweatshirts would suffice. She didn't have to have matching underwear even. Mark wouldn't complain so long as he got to take it off. This part was just easier.
Mark let Tess into the apartment. They had ordered Chinese and Mark had said he would find something they could put on. Tess would probably spend most of the time on her phone, playing games or scrolling the internet, so it really didn't matter what he put on the TV. She was surprised, however, when he held up a DVD case.
"My buddy Ron loaned it to me," Mark said. "It's an early 2000's comedy with Bradley Cooper before he was big."
That immediately had Tess's interest. Comedies were light and fun, especially before Anchorman changed the genre. And Bradley Cooper was Tess's celebrity crush.
"What's it called?" Tess asked.
Mark's face went blank for just a moment. "Uh... I forget."
"Well check the box. Or the disk," Tess said.
"He burned it," Mark said, looking down at the DVD and flipping it over. The non-shiny side was blank and white. "Let's put it in. I'm sure it'll come back to me."
Before Tess could say much more, Mark hurried forward to the DVD player. He put the disk in, pressed play, and stood back. Tess flopped onto the couch, pulling her phone from her pocket. It was weird watching a disk in the age of streaming, but Tess didn't really plan on focusing on the movie anyways. Maybe she would watch if Bradley Cooper lost his shirt at any point, but that was about it.
A strange music started playing. Tess's eyes flickered up to the screen. There was no DVD menu. It had gone right into playing the movie. That made sense if Ron had burned the disk, but it didn't look like a comedy movie. It looked more like an educational movie.
A pleasant-looking woman was smiling on the screen. Her hair was done up big and she wore a patterned dress. A thick coat of red lipstick covered her lips. She looked like a 50's housewife come to life.
"Hello," the woman said pleasantly. "Let me be the first to welcome and applaud you for joining us on our relationship journey. This is the first steps towards a new dynamic for you and for your partner."
"What is this?" Tess said with an unsure half smile. Was it a fake-out start to the movie? Was Adam Sandler about to come through the door or something?
"Uh, I don't know," Mark said. He was still standing in the living room, looking awkwardly back and forth between Tess and the TV. The woman on the TV answered Tess's question.
"This is 'Keeping Your Man Happy'," the woman on the screen said. Tess scoffed instinctively. "This informational video will peel back the onion on your relationship and find what's at the heart of it. It will help reconstruct your view of your role in this relationship and help you find the answer to that all-important question: How do you keep your man happy? Let's get started."
"I guess Ron burned the wrong disk," Mark said with a chuckle that seemed a little too forced. "That's weird."
"Uh huh," Tess said. Her phone sat open on her lap, but she was watching the screen. She felt like she had seen that woman before at some point. Or, had heard this song before? There was something incredibly familiar about all of it. Her eyes started to hurt and Tess realized that it had been a little while since she blinked.
"Maybe we should... leave it on," Mark said, looking closely at Tess. "You know, just for giggles."
"Yeah," Tess said. "For giggles."
The woman on the screen continued to talk. She explained how empathy was such an important and powerful part of being a woman, but women rarely used it to feel the important emotions that their man felt. They failed to ask the question that woman were uniquely equipped to answer: "Are you happy?"
After a little while, Tess became vaguely aware that the Chinese had arrived and Mark was eating, but then she refocused on the television. The woman was explaining how a man's happiness was immensely important and it was the responsibility of his woman to uphold it. The woman on the screen was so incredibly familiar to Tess, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She was no longer wearing a fifties housewife outfit, but a sweatshirt and blue jeans. Her hair had been blonde, but now it was brunette. Why was she so familiar?
After a little while, Tess realized that Mark had finished eating and was sitting at the kitchen table watching her watch the documentary. That information dropped out of her head when the woman on screen began talking about the proper order of priorities and how women tend to jumble them up. Women tended to prioritize self-fulfillment and achievement over the more important priorities like supporting one's partner or servitude. Normally-good characteristics—such as self-respect or dignity—could become barriers to your man's happiness, which was the highest of priorities.
Tess realized that the woman on screen was wearing the same shirt as she was. It was the same blue jeans and the same hair. This should have been odd, but Tess was still focused on the woman's words. The coincidences seemed very secondary.
Tess didn't know how long the DVD went on. She didn't care in the midst of it. She was just fascinated by the woman who looked like her and the words she spoke. They were ideas that Tess might have found backwards, sexist, or even downright offensive, but somehow they made sense. They felt right.
The woman ended by explaining how empathy worked differently in women than in men. Women were more easily able to see themselves in other's situations. Women would even tend to fill a "blank spot" with themselves, which would allow them to more easily teach themselves important principles and truths.
"That's why I might be resembling you now," the woman on screen said. "Because you are imparting your own characteristics—how you see yourself—onto me. It's a little like one of those internet magic tricks, like the color-changing dress or 'Laurel' verses 'Yanny'. Don't let it alarm you, but learn from it. Take a look at yourself in your relationship. Are you who you want to be? More importantly, is your partner happy with who are you in this relationship? Are you fulfilling your responsibility to his happiness? Are you bringing your upmost to this relationship?" The woman—Tess herself—smiled warmly at the screen and said, "I would encourage you to revisit this video and learn again about how you can do your most to keep your man happy." She smiled and the video went black.
