Jax

"I found him" My heart was racing as Stella answered the phone.

"Found who?" She said.

"Jax, remember I told you I couldn't get him out my damn head, like he was taunting me, haunting me even. You must remember." I urged.

I had told her in confidence months ago how my ex Jax had been plaguing my dreams and fantasies for years. It had gotten to the point where I struggled to fall asleep, and my sexual drive had been through the roof because of it.

Out of curiosity I had tried stalking his social media but came up empty. All his socials were dormant for years. Last I knew he moved to another part of the country and that was that.

I had convinced myself the only reason I was even looking is to check he was still alive and happy. Perhaps married and raising kids like me.

Maybe then I would finally let go.

But nothing. A dead end every time and somewhere deep down I feared maybe he had passed. But I knew better. I could hear his voice in my head almost every night. Calling me. Taunting me.

I had laughed to myself on a few occasions maybe this man had somehow played with the dark arts and put some kind of spell on me. His payback for me walking away from him.

The last time I had seen him I had invited him to be my date at my cousins wedding after breaking up with my now husband. Again, going back and picking fruit from the past. We had dated years back.

He was my first love. He loved me more than I loved him, I could see that. And I ended it with him to go explore the world and chase new dreams. Leaving him heart broken. It killed me. But I had to do it for his sake.

I had completely forgotten about him. Moved on. Had a child. Met a new man and fallen in love. Then when that hadn't worked out I turned back to my first love for console and attention. Who wants to go to a wedding alone anyways.

He agreed, too easily actually. It was a great weekend. But after a wonderful night of catching up and having fun I hadn't expected him to drop the bomb shell and tell me he is still in love with me.

I couldn't do this. Not now. I had just gotten out of a long relationship and my heart was just not there.

He had left the ceremony after I blew him off as kindly as I could and went back to our room. I had expected him to be asleep when I got back later to avoid him, but alas he was up. Simply watching some tv.

I had ignored him for fear of hurting his feelings even more. Simply climbed into bed next to him, turned my back and prayed I would fall asleep somehow, hoping the awkwardness would fade away.

It didn't.

He slowly moved his way over to me and started caressing my back and thighs. I didn't stop him. I didn't want to. No words were spoken. We simply let the night take us. He pulled my panties down and positioned himself on top of me. Entering me. It was glorious. Better than it had ever been before. I had never cum with him when we were together. I was too young and scared. Always in my head. I still enjoyed it though, every time just getting close and my head getting in the way.

But in our years apart I had given birth. Become a strong woman. Learned my body well. This I could do now.

We woke the next morning not saying a word. The drive home quieter still.

We never spoke again.

And now another 10 years later, he more fresh and more vivid in my mind than ever.

So much time has passed. I love my husband. He fulfils every need. But Jax, something burns inside my body for him. I need to find a way to get him out of my mind.

I simply got a friend suggestion and there he was. A profile I had never seen before. That must be why I could not find him.

I couldn't help myself I had to take a peek. It was worse than I had hoped.

One, he had aged like a fine wine, more gorgeous than ever.

Two he was single, no wife, no kids nothing.

And three, he had moved back home.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with this information? Every fibre of my brain is telling me run, forget. But every fibre of my body calls for him. Its frustrating this confusion.

"Ooooh him. Oh my god! How?" Stella urged.

"It was by accident I swear. But he's here, back in town. Single. And Stel, more beautiful than ever. I'm scared. You need to talk me down." I felt so guilty.

"Look, you haven't done anything relax. Besides show me one married woman that doesn't pine for some Greek god some way or the other. Maybe your just bored." She tried to calm me.

"No, I wish. Then I would have some excuse. Brad and I are good. So good. We lack nothing in the bedroom, or otherwise. I don't know what it is, but its some kind of pull and I don't know how to turn it off."

"Chill friend, you guys have been together for 14 years. Its nice to fantasize, sometimes we all need it ok. And remember like you said some days you don't even think about him at all. Its likely just your hormones relax. What you get when you start hitting your prime. Lets just hope Brad can keep up with you now." She laughed loud.

I couldn't help but laugh with her.

Maybe she was right, but I am only 37, I mean isn't prime at 40 or something for a woman, and besides its not a recent thing its more of a last 8 years thing and its only getting worse.

I put my head down after hanging up the phone and tried desperately to get on with my day, but he was there, more fresh than ever with his new profile picture burnt in my brain.

Sleep didn't find me till early morning.

I woke the next morning alone as Brad leaves before me. I laid in bed fantasizing and aching anew.

I pulled out my bullet from bedside drawer. A sweet gift from Brad for when he is out of town and we sext, or my body is so wound up and he is too tired. Best gift ever.

I parted my legs and let the sweet gift do its job. Jax's forefront of my mind. I cam hard and quick.

"I can't go on like this anymore." I whispered to myself.

I need to see him.

Put this to bed once and for all. Or us. "NO STOP IT." I said more harshly to myself this time.

Days, months, years have passed, and this pull was going nowhere, just getting worse.

I believed more now there was something supernatural going on here. I had to put an end to it.

I racked my brain for days. Do I contact him? No then there may be a paper trail that could get me into trouble with Brad.

The last thing I needed was to make him feel insecure. I loved my husband very much, I have no intention of leaving him for anyone. I have always been kinky and Brad loved that about me.

A 3some with Jax and Brad? Can work, Brad had suggested it before, but this was years ago when I told him about my ex partners. It used to get him all turned on when I spoke about them, especially Jax as I had always gone into more detail about him.

But that was years ago, how do I even raise the subject again without looking terrible.

Also, would Jax even go for that? Maybe, I knew him well enough but now, I don't know.

No, I think the best this is just to confront him head on and tell him to get out of my head.

Yes, this was the plan. After all the stalking I know his company is registered in his family home, which means either he works there or still lives there but either way I could most likely reach him there.

I jumped in my car a bit earlier from work today. My heart was pumping out of my chest the whole way.

What the hell am I doing? But I couldn't stop myself. The drive was way to effortless.

I arrived at the gate before his. I recognized this street all too well even though it had been 10 years since my last drive here. I waited with the car shut off for 15 minutes before I could gather the nerve to pull up to his gate.

I stopped. Switched the car off and after a brief second of hesitation got out and just stood there. I could see the house through the gate but still no intercom as I knew from before.

Should I hoot? What if he isn't home and someone else sees me. No maybe I should just leave.

"Fuck this, Stop being stupid." I mumbled to myself.

I turned to get back in and drive as fast and as far as I could, but I sensed him before I heard him.

"Michelle!" My names rolled off his tongue like honey. It made me shiver down to my core with pleasure.

I turned briskly to face him. Surely my face was a red as my summer dress I was wearing.

Shit "Jax, Hi." I said as smoothly and as politely as I could muster.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I would pop past and reminisce. Sorry I didn't know you were here. Last I heard you moved across country." Trying hard to act coy.

"I moved back earlier this year to open my company. Please, come in. Have a coffee. It's been so long." There was a glint in his eyes I knew well.

It made my face flush.

It took me a moment, but decided I came all this way for exactly this reason, might as well complete my mission.

I pulled into the driveway and followed him inside. He had modernized it to his taste, giving the inside a complete makeover from how I knew it from before.

"Wow, love what you have done with the place." I was sincere but it felt fake.

"Thanks, bit of paint here and there. So, how have you been?" He smiled so deeply it made my knees shake under me.

Composing myself I went onto a 10minute rant on my life, how great its been how in love I am with my husband how everything is good. I felt like I sounded too stupid. Yet he smiled sweeting and let me carry on. My nerves were all over the place.

He was almost too quiet. Never taking his eyes off me, only to poor hot water in our mugs.

He came walking over to me to hand my coffee. As I took it from him our fingers touched. And there it was. The electricity I felt almost every night. It jolted through me like lightning.

We locked eyes and I could see he felt it too. His own darkening.

I couldn't do this. This was too much. I was wrong.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't be here." I almost spilled the coffee as I dropped the mug to turn and leave.

"I'm stupid, this is stupid. You must think there is something wrong with me. Ill just be leaving, thank you for the coffee but I should really go." It felt like I was running for the door at this stage.

I clicked the handle to open the door and just then he was behind me, on top me, slamming it shut once more.

His body pushed mine against the door, I could feel his still lean torse all along me. My heart was in my stomach. Every fibre in my body was burning hot from his touch.

"I don't think you are going anywhere." His hot breath washed over me, his voice barely audible in my ear.

Fuck.

"I have dreamed of this moment for so long Michelle, dreamed of touching this beautiful skin." He ran his thumb from my neck down my arm.

"I have dreamed of having you so close to me, smelling your scent." He took a deep breath behind my ear. My body was full on shaking now.

"I have not waited this long for you to open that door and walk away. You will not walk away from me again Michelle." His hand tightened on top of where mine was resting clutching the handle, pulling it loose. He turned me around to face him.

Pushing me back against the door.

"Tell me why you are really here. And don't you dare lie to me again. I know you better than you know yourself." His lips were almost on mine now. Just waiting for a signal.

My mind was rushing, I could feel my blood boiling inside of me. I wanted to run, but I also wanted to fall into him. I had never felt at war with myself as I did in this very moment.

Truth. That I all I could do now.

"Its you, I came to see you. I knew you would be here." My voice so shaky I almost didn't recognize it.

"I dream of you too. My body calls for you. I don't want it to. I love my husband Jax, but you plague me. I came to tell you to stop." My eyes never leaving his lips.

He licked them slowly and I found myself mirroring him. His smiled curled at his lips at my words.

"Now why would I stop Michelle." He slowly pulled my arms together over my head, locking them in place with one hand.

"Now tell me how to stop touching you." His free hand started running over my body, strong and firm like he was proving a point.

Fuck.

I was drowning. It was like an out of body experience. Watching myself swim away. My mind was slowly going quiet. All I could hear was his voice. All I could see was his eyes.

Hs hand firmly gripping my ass.

Fuck.

"Tell me when I start tasting you how I stop." His tongue ran over my lips. I could taste his breath.

"Tell me when I feel you to stop." His hand went under my pulled-up dress, and he slid a finger between my lips, taunting me, teasing me.

My eyes closed and I was lost. Complete gone from myself.

A moan escaped my mouth giving him his signal that he had won and suddenly he was on me. His kiss so hard in my mouth like a hunger that needed to be fed.

His fingers slid inside me so easily. Warm and wanting.

"Look how wet you are for me baby. Now tell me you want me. Or tell me to stop."

He was everywhere, all over me. I was completely consumed.

"Tell me to stop and Ill push you away and you will never see me again. Or let me hear you say the truth. Tell me now!" He commanded.

I knew the answer before he asked.

"Don't stop, No, please don't stop. Please I want you now!" I almost screamed it at him.

"FUCK!" His statement rang in my ears as he picked me up straddling him. He kissed me hard, carrying me to the bed room.

He laid me down never getting off of me.

He tore at my dress and took a second to drink me in.

"I have fuckin prayed for this day. I want your eyes on me." I didn't even see him remove his clothing but suddenly he was on top of me. All over me. Eating at my flesh.

I could feel him bite at my skin. His hands were everywhere. His mouth followed. He was lost too; we were drowning together.

There was no thought running trough my head, only pleasure surging in my blood.

His head dipped between my thighs, and he drank me in once more. Taking a long deep lick.

"jesus Michelle, you are fucking delicious." He ate me as if he hadn't had a meal in years. I could feel myself soaking the bed. It was heaven.

He came up biting and gnawing at me all the way to my mouth.

"Its been a while baby, I hope you can still take me. You are so tight down there." He smiled at me.

"Please, I need you inside me now. Please." With my plea he dove into me.

Thankfully I was so wet it didn't hurt too much but I still let out a sharp breath with the pain. It was fucking glorious.

"Fuck, yes" His words echoing my thoughts.

I was fuller than I had been in years. I could feel him everywhere inside of me and everywhere outside of me. I was completely consumed by him.

He fucked me hard and fast. My pleasure building. I was close. He could feel it.

"No baby, not yet." He kissed me harder. Pulling my arms above my head.

He went slower now, and deeper with every thrust. He kept changing as I got closer, first faster and harder. Then slower and shallow.

It felt like I was floating outside my body yet every nerve ending directed at one place yet everywhere.

He was moving agonizingly slow, it was sensational.

I couldn't breathe, It was too much. My body now begging for release.

"Please, Im begging you" I almost cried.

He started ramming me harder and faster. Deeper and deeper. He was my undoing.

"Jax! Fuck" I clawed at him, Pulling him so close into me.

He exploded deep into my belly at the same time. Screaming his own "Fuck"

He continued to move slowly in me, soothing my slowing orgasm. Watching me.

We kissed hard and long. I drank all of him in. Holding his body close to mine.

I knew this was no mistake. I had no regrets and I felt like surely as the afterglow fades, I should come back to earth and never see him again. I didn't want to let him go. I wanted this pleasure for the rest of my life.

Could I have this? Could there be some life where I get to have my cake and eat it too. Would this surely not be the perfect solution. In this moment I had everything I ever wanted. I was completely happy.

A husband I loved and adored. An ex who completely consumes me. Passion and ecstasy from both. Why do we need to live in a world with all these rules?

I awoke with my alarm ringing in my ear for work.

NO! NO! NOOOO!

Again, He was this close, again it was all a dream! I screamed into my pillow.

Frustrated and empty. He haunts me once more.

Only a fucking dream!

Come find me in my dreams Jax.