Disclaimer: All character engaging in sexual activity in this work of fiction are 18 years of age or older.
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My fears had just been made real; I'd done it to Ella. She'd never be the same around me. I kneeled on the bed, staggering under the notion that, through my carelessness, I might have eroded the personality of the woman I had cared about so deeply for all these years.
Then again, maybe I was overreacting to this. It certainly didn't seem like my other women were mindless husks.
But what if that was the Fae talking? He was part of me now. Had he corrupted me somehow when I'd absorbed him?
No, that was just paranoid thinking. Taking stock mentally, my morals didn't seem to have changed; rape was wrong, everyone deserved free will, and so on.
It was unsettling, but there was still a larger issue to deal with: the woman lying between my legs, at this moment staring into my eyes with the kind of devotion I'd only seen in my other bonded.
Then again, did I know that for sure? As before, I could see her avatar, but for some reason, still couldn't decode it. It was almost as if it were encased in some kind of barrier. It convoluted her pattern to such an extent that what was left didn't make any sense. All I could get out of it was that she was female.
But what if it wasn't my power that had put her in such a state? Maybe I'd just hit that 'sexy good guy' sweet spot. Wasn't that what women wanted anyway? Passion and unpredictability tempered by warmth and security.
No, that was impossible. With as much power as she'd been exposed to through the course of the night, there was just no way she wasn't bonded.
"Feeling better?" I asked.
She nodded. "Much, thank you."
Ella tucked a stubborn tendril of hair that lay across her face behind an ear. Her eyes flitted from place to place, never finding a comfortable place to rest.
The silence that followed was pregnant with expectation. Her hopeful stare bored into my soul.
"That's good." I gave her a brittle smile. I panicked. This had all gone so wrong. I needed to get out of here and think.
"Well, it's getting pretty late. I should go."
She looked down in disappointment.
Ella said little as I got off the bed. She simply nodded politely at my call to leave before pulling on her sweatshirt. The literal and figurative barrier re-asserting itself between us.
Men's laughter and the warm light from the patio spilled into the still darkness of the hallway as I made for the door, Ella conspicuously distant behind me.
A chorus of crickets singing their late summer song greeted me as I opened the front door. Turning at the doorstep, I caught her hovering several feet away, seemingly unable to pierce the bubble of social distance between us.
"Well, have a good night, Ella."
Not Ells. Not right now. Our familiarity from earlier felt distant.
"You too!"
As I pulled the door shut behind me, I heard her follow with, "and thanks...for helping with my back."
It almost sounded timid. Confused. Not at all what I expected.
Whatever. Right now I needed distance. This was a big decision, and I couldn't make it in the spur of the moment. Maybe I should head over to Ia's...
Reaching for the car door handle, I heard, "Adam, wait!"
I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard her open the door behind me.
Ella's Amazonian form jogged over to the car, arresting me with eyes that shone with the warm light of the street lamps.
Saying nothing, I stood frozen, right arm resting on the roof of the car.
"Please, can we talk?" She asked tentatively.
Oh, shit, it was Sandy all over again. This was even more painful than I thought it would be. I didn't want to see her like this...
Should I do it now? Sever our connection and erase the fact that she had ever known me? The 'how' was easy now, with the knowledge I'd gained. But it would be like ripping a part of my soul out. Could I do it?
Her eyes pleaded with me as thoughts about the two of us rampaged through my head. Thinking about each little memory that would have to live on through me alone.
It was probably the worst bit of acting I'd ever done, but I feigned ignorance, "Sure, what did you want to talk about?"
"Adam." She sighed. "You didn't feel something tonight? I thought we had..."
The glimmer of hope in her eyes hurt worse than anything that had come before, but the thought of her looking at me as a stranger when we saw each other in school on Monday was anathema.
"Sorry, never mind." She put on her mask, "I had a lot of fun tonight. Thanks for coming, Adam. It was a lot of fun catching up. G'night!"
Turning, she walked back toward the house.
It only took me a second to realize I was being an insensitive asshole. I'd let that girl walk away embarrassed because of my self-pity and indecisiveness. I reminded myself that the Adam that used to act that way was
history
.
Running to the door, I caught up with Ella just as she was stepping onto the porch, grabbing for her hand.
"Ella, wait."
She turned, hazel eyes dim in the porch light.
Jerking my head in the direction of my Civic, I tugged on her hand. "Take a ride with me."
"What, now?"
"Yeah, now. Why not? It's Friday night. Why, are you busy?" I deadpanned.
She rewarded my humor with the tiniest of smiles, but something else bloomed in her eyes. Hope?
"Well, ok, but I should probably tell-"
"-Oh, c'mon!" I urged, "You know damned well no one in that house is going to miss you for the next couple of hours. They're probably on their fourth round by now, and you know my Dad doesn't even get rolling until his third buy-in."
She exhaled, "I guess..."
Turning, we started to make our way to the car.
"But, where are we going?" she asked.
It occurred to me that I'd never heard Ella this timid before. At least, not since that time after those little bitches in the seventh grade made fun of how much she had grown over the summer. I felt like I could strangle every single one of them for what they had done to her self-esteem.
"Doesn't matter; anywhere or nowhere, I'm good with either."
"Well, okay... Feels weird to just drive around aimlessly though. Why don't we go get a milkshake? I could go for one of those."
"Perfect," I confirmed, opening the passenger door for her and sliding her seat back. Trying to lighten the mood, I acted like a goofball as I gestured for her to enter.
Ella gave me an obligatory titter as she settled into the seat.
"Ooo, what a gentleman. Kinda feels like a date, you opening the door for me and all."
The first thing I noticed was the lack of any real objection in that statement, but I decided to set the record straight nevertheless.
"Hey, can't a guy just be polite without it becoming a romantic gesture?"
I was unsurprised when she acted a little disappointed.
I hopped into the driver's seat and set off, heading in the general direction of the ice cream shop as my mind raced.
The tension had slipped back into the air between us, but I was too focused on the choice before me to worry about it.
Eventually, I recognized that I was being stupid again. The solution was right there the whole time: I just needed to come clean on everything. After all, what did I have to lose? She was bound to me at this point, so there were only two courses before me: preserve that bond or sever it. If I kept things as they were, she'd no doubt gladly accept any truth I decided to share. On the other hand, if I cut it off, my admission of binding her with my incubus powers would be erased along with everything else.
It was a win-win scenario. Or at the very least, win-not lose. And besides, deep down I'd wanted to tell her the truth anyway. We used to tell each other everything -- even the embarrassing stuff.
