Copyright Oggbashan December 2002 The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.
*****
"Well, Pearl? Are you still going to the non-smoking sessions?"
My elder sister Ruby was staying that Saturday night on the way down to London for a Management course. She still treated me as her little sister even though I'd been married to Neil for five years. She was an ex-smoker and had been working on me and Neil to give up as well. We had tried various ways but Ruby's disapproval had not helped. She could not give up interfering. Even so, she was my sister and smoking was the only thing about us that she disapproved of. I wasn't her "little" sister except in age. Neither of us could be called "little". I was just slightly taller than her but we were both significantly taller than our husbands even in our bare feet.
I could talk to Ruby as I could to no one else. We shared secrets that we wouldn't even tell our husbands. Nothing major. There were no skeletons to hide but we would talk about their performance, or lack of it, in bed. I had tried some of Ruby's ideas. She had tried some of mine. Sometimes our ideas startled our husbands but most of them were fun to experiment with.
"Yes, Ruby, but the classes were closed for the summer holidays. They start again next week and then I have a real problem."
"Come on, Sis. Tell!"
Ruby had guessed that I was embarrassed.
"The main idea of the sessions is to practise self-hypnosis whenever we feel we want a cigarette."
"Yes?"
"I can do it. Neil can't."
"So?"
"I can do it to him." I stopped. I didn't want to say the next bit.
"And he doesn't like it?" Ruby was always quick to notice what I didn't say.
"Yes and No. He isn't sure that he likes my ability to hypnotise him yet it has stopped him smoking as well as me. The problem is ..." I stopped again. Even talking to Ruby this was going to be difficult.
"It seems to me that we need to have a real sisterly talk. Why don't we make a cup of tea?"
"OK Ruby." We walked through to the kitchen. My calf length skirt brushed my legs as I moved, reminding me why I was wearing it. Ruby noticed.
"Pearl, you didn't used to wear skirts around the house."
"I know. That's part of it. Not till we have made the tea. I'll come clean, I promise. I need your advice but please wait a few minutes more."
"OK, but you look better in a skirt than the track suits you used to wear."
We made the tea. Back in the living room I sat next to Ruby on the settee unconsciously arranging my skirt as I did.
"You did that as if you are used to it." Ruby said.
"Did what?"
"Arranged your skirt."
"Did I? I didn't notice."
"Yes, you did. It looks as if you have been wearing skirts, and large ones, for some time. You managed that skirt as if you always wear one."
"I do. I never wear jeans, trousers or slacks, always a skirt. It is part of what I need to talk about."
"Come on, Pearl, talk. You know you can talk to me about anything."
"You are probably the only one I can talk to about this."
"Now you have me really interested, Pearl."
I took a deep breath and started.
"It started at the non-smoking sessions. One of the ideas is to think of a situation in which you can't or wouldn't smoke. Then whenever you feel like lighting a cigarette you imagine that you are in that situation. Once the urge is passed you can revert to normal."
"Yes, I can follow that, Pearl. What is difficult?"
"Most of the others had simple scenarios such as being in Church, at the office and so on. Neil and I don't go to Church often enough for it to be realistic. We are self-employed and working from home so we can't use the office "rules" and so on. We couldn't think of a common situation that would prevent us smoking. I'm sure we could have if we had given it some more effort but I had what I thought was a brilliant idea for me at least."
"And it wasn't?"
"At first I thought it was, but now I have real problems with it."
"Out with it, Pearl. What is your scenario that is so embarrassing?"
I paused. Then I blurted it out.
"I imagine that I'm pregnant and that I can't smoke because of the baby."
Ruby burst out laughing. At first I was annoyed then I could see that there was a funny side to it. I started laughing as well.
Ruby wiped the tears from her face.
"I can see that there are real drawbacks to that scenario, Pearl. Do you get morning sickness and all the other symptoms?"
"Not morning sickness. I'd imagined myself at eight and a half months."
"Whoa! That is a big jump to take in your imagination."
"It works too well. My belly actually swells before my eyes, I feel heavy and unbalanced, I can feel the baby moving - the whole thing."
"Your belly swells?"
"Yes. Not much but it is noticeable. I suppose my stomach muscles relax and sag. When I'm naked I can see it happen. My breasts grow as well and my nipples stand out."
"Pearl, you are carrying self-hypnosis just too far."
"I know. It has stopped me smoking but whenever I feel the need for a cigarette I become heavily pregnant. Some of my friends think I need to see a doctor because I suddenly slow down and move with difficulty. I can't tell them that it is all in my mind. I haven't even told the others at the non-smoking sessions. I'm dreading the next one. We are supposed to report back on our progress. I haven't smoked but they will want to know how I did it. I don't think I can tell them."
"Can you show me now?"
"Yes. I can do it anytime, anywhere." I stood up and concentrated. Ruby put her hands to my stomach.
"I felt you swell!" she seemed astonished.
"I told you I did."
"But I didn't expect to feel it so strongly," Ruby said "and your breasts grew a size at least."
"That part I like. So does Neil."
"I'll bet he does. Instant breast enlargement without surgery is a neat trick." Ruby looked closely at me.
"There's something else, isn't there Pearl? This is mildly embarrassing but you could make a joke of it and pass it off to the other members of the class, couldn't you?"
"You know me too well, Ruby. Yes. There is something else."
"And it concerns Neil?"
"Yes."
"Out with it. You said that he can't use self-hypnosis but you can do it to him. What do you do?" She stopped. "You don't make him think that he is pregnant as well, do you?"
"No. It would be easier if I did."
"Easier to make your husband pregnant? You must be kidding."
"I'm not. Even if I had managed to persuade Neil that he is pregnant I don't think that would necessarily have stopped him smoking. He doesn't have the same feelings as a woman. That scenario might not have worked for him. I thought of one that does work and makes it impossible for him to smoke but ..."
"Come on, Pearl, you have been dodging this ever since I came. You can tell your sister."