To every gentleman in need of female companionship and affection...your dream doctor. Literally.
*The Hypnothe-Rapist*
STARR SCORES III: "Return Of The 'Jed' Guy"
***
April 30th, 10:27 a.m.
"Hi babe! How's she lookin'?" Angela casually asked Paula, the "she" in question being the daily docket of patients.
"Pretty good, Starr," Paula answered. "Full schedule; you've got one every two hours today. 'S see, you've got...a new visitor, Mr. Ray Reynolds in three minutes, he just got here, and then...oh, here's a name I haven't seen in a while: Jed Parsons. His third session, 12:30 today. First two were a year and a half ago."
Angela paused for a minute. Paula heard the sound of the keystrokes as Angela looked him up in her laptop's database.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah. I remember him now," Angela said, having brought up his digital dossier. "September 12th and October 3rd, both year before last." Jed Michael Parsons, 29, relationship difficulties, she read to herself.
Hm
, she thought briefly.
"Well all righty then, Miss Paula, be a doll and send in Mr. Reynolds, s'il vous plaît."
***
April 30th, 12:23 p.m.
"Is everything all right, Mr. Parsons?" asked Paula.
Jed Michael Parsons was very anxious. He was pacing counter-clockwise around the waiting room in a pattern which was basically a cross between a circle and a square. He was breathing shakily, fidgeting and rubbing his eyes with his left hand. He did a couple more rounds before Paula asked him this question.
He looked up. "Is it 12:30 yet, Paula?"
Paula consulted her computer's built-in clock. "You still have about six minutes to go," she said, in response to which Jed uneasily sighed. He was particularly
very
much in a hurry to talk to the doctor today.
Paula could see how antsy he was. She said, "You know, Mr. Parsons, sir, it may not be my place to make suggestions, but when I feel anxious or wound-up, I find that it helps to make myself take a really big, deep breath, and hold it as long as I can, and then let it out nice and slow."
Jed tried. It lasted about six seconds.
"Well...if the appointment in front of me's done before 12:30, can I go right back?" he asked.
"Just please give me a moment to let her know that you're here and ready to see her, and once she confirms she's ready, yes." He nodded, trying to distract himself from the things on his mind by cracking his knuckles, shaking out his body, blinking repeatedly, anything he could think of.
All right, man, come on
, he told himself.
It's only six more minutes...even less now.
Still, it felt like forever. He tried watching the TV, but a program with a bunch of cute British people drinking a lot of tea somehow didn't help ease his anxiety. He looked at the selection of magazines. Life, GQ, Maxim, Sports Illustrated, Men's Health, Highlights, Esquire...Jed did a double take.
Highlights??
The reading material wasn't inspiring a great deal of confidence either.
Finally, three more interminable minutes later, a very refreshed and content Mr. Ray Reynolds emerged from down the hall and stopped by Paula's window.
"Oh, hi, Mr. Reynolds!" she smiled. "Did things go well?"
"Wow! Oh man, I gotta tell you," he said. "I don't know what she did in there when I fell asleep, but she's a
genius!
"
"Oh, good!" said Paula. "Did you want to set up another appointment?"
Come on, come ON
, Jed thought impatiently. They proceeded to do so, and Mr. Reynolds departed. Jed reapproached Paula as she pressed the intercom button.
"Mr. Parsons is here," she said. "And it's pretty urgent; he would like to come see you immediately."
"By all means! Jed Parsons, come on down!" Angela agreed dynamically through the phone, just like a TV hostess. As soon as she said the words, Paula pointed her thumb behind her in verification and he started down the hall. He got to her office and went in.
Angela today had on a plaid set of cotton pajamas and a pair of slippers a friend crocheted just for her, and her hair was back in a large faded blue hair bow. The hair bow made her look a little like Belle from Beauty And The Beast dressed in Angela Starr's pajamas. She started to get up from her chair to greet him. "Hi—" she said, but Jed simply threw up a quick wave of the palm, went straight to the sofa without a moment's hesitation, quickly kicked off his shoes and collapsed on it on his back. He covered his face, rubbing his forehead in anguish.
Ohhh, dear
, thought Angela with concern. It clearly did not take a doctorate to see that something was deeply bothering him. She normally waited until the Starr Treatment* was underway to do this, but right now she picked up the "Session in progress, please do not disturb" slate and slid it into its wedge in the door, shut it and locked it. She sat back down, rolled the chair over towards him, close enough to rub his shoulder. When he uncovered his face, she smiled at him. "Dr. Angie's in," she encouraged. "Lay it on me."
Jed slowly sat up. At about the same speed, Angela rolled backwards to her desk, slipped on the glasses, picked up the pad and pen, crossed the right leg over, and listened.
The year and a half before, when Jed had made his first two visits to see her, he had been involved with a woman named Viv. They'd been going together for a few months and were starting to get pretty serious, but while Viv wanted to be 100% exclusive—and Jed thought he did as well—he nonetheless felt these urges he couldn't understand. He wasn't a half bad-looking guy, and tended to get smiles and winks and small flirtations from other girls. Though he knew it wasn't advisable, he didn't have sufficient self-control to disallow himself to return the flirtations, which understandably sat not too well with Viv. She said she wanted him to stop flirting, or she wouldn't see him anymore. So on September 12th, he came to see Angela for the first time.
He ended up only paying half price for the first appointment, because he was just a
little
too uncomfortable to undergo the actual hypnosis just yet. He said he needed to see a therapist, but the hypno-part was just...a little on the "weird" side for him, which was fine with Angela, as she never tried to steer patients in ways they didn't wish to go. So after their interview, the two of them just continued talking. Angela gave him some advice, that his problem was mind over matter, he needed to resist and control the urges to reciprocate other women's advances. And he tried. He really did. He
really
wanted to succeed at this...but, unfortunately he just did not try hard enough.
Things were almost starting to look up for them when out of the blue, in the midst of those three weeks, he kissed another woman. When Viv found out, she stuck to her word, and they broke up, resulting in appointment number two for Jed. When he dropped in to see Angela the second time, he told her he sincerely wished he'd tried the hypnosis the first time, as maybe things would have been different. He felt so terrible and angry at himself for succumbing to these unwelcome temptations of other women which assaulted him like dive bombers, he declared he would try anything at this point to gain more self-control, and so as was her way, Angela coddled him away from his negative feelings about himself, back towards a point at which to start over, and under the hypnosis he indeed went. So Angela probed him, strengthened his will through his subconscious, and having verified that he was in fact now completely single and unattached (and clean), proceeded to magnificently bestow upon him the secret Starr Treatment*. And poof, post-session two, Jed Michael Parsons did not have such difficulty resisting other women anymore. The Starr was a magician.
Over the next year and a half, he started taking matters into his own hands. He decided he needed to straighten up, and focused on his personal flaws and improving himself. He gathered the courage to write a letter to Viv sincerely apologizing for his actions, and for the way things turned out. He said that although his contrition was very genuine, he understood that an apology did not make up for kissing another woman, and that he didn't at all expect her to give him another chance, that he just wanted her to be able to move on and find happiness for herself wherever it might be. He didn't hear back from her, but that was okay with him. Once he let several months pass to analyze where he was at this point in his life, he started dating again.
Beginning around last year's Christmas, over a year after he and Viv had split up, he met a girl a year or so younger than he was, named Rhonda. She was beautiful, smart, gifted, sexy, everything he thought he wanted. In this new state of self-restraint and willpower, Jed felt confident and happy in this new relationship. He found
him
self now wanting to be exclusive with
her
. He was seeing a real future in this. And then, on April 24th, before his eyes...he saw Rhonda, with another man.
The emotions were indescribable. The immediate feelings he experienced were, in this order, hurt, heartache, betrayal, anger at Rhonda, and then a realization...anger at himself. The tables had turned, he realized. The proverbial shoe was on the other proverbial foot.
So this
... he'd thought, ...
must have been like how Viv felt
. Once he learned how painful it was to be on the other end, he decided that maybe he'd take a little break from dating for the moment. And a little break from listening to The Beach Boys. Then two days later, he remembered Angela.