BACKGROUND
I used to be one lazy SOB. A little overweight, not very motivated, and well, slovenly. All of that changed when one afternoon when I was plopped on the sofa and the TV remote quit working. If you knew me then, you would know how much this pissed me off. I got up and changed the batteries, but the damn thing still didn't work. SO I took off the cover and started messing with the insides. (I am a plumber by trade, so I had no idea what the hell I was doing in there.)
Well I messed around with it for a few minutes, using some of my plumbing tools, then got pissed off and threw it. "Piece of shit!!" I yelled. I went over and picked it up and put the cover back on it. As I was stupidly pointing it at the TV and pushing the useless buttons, my girlfriend Kimberly walked in.
She was short, plump, and not all that pretty, but she usually put up with my shit, and didn't yell when we argued, so I kept her around. She said, "What are you bitching at now?"
"The goddamn remote is busted! Look!!" I pushed one of the buttons.
She got a faraway look in her eyes and said, "What do you want me to do?"
I was pissed. "Fuck you!" I said. "You can suck my dick, you bitch!"
No one was more shocked than I was when she walked over, pulled down my sweatpants and started sucking my cock.
I later discovered that the remote only works on women.
Chapter 5 - Moving Day pt 1
I went to bed early and alone because I knew it was going to be a long day. It still seemed like too little sleep when Brenda rang my phone at 5:30am. "Good Morning, sexy!" she said far too cheerfully, "Are you ready for the big day?"
I wasn't. It had been three weeks since my house had sold. Now all my shit was packed in boxes to be moved. I didn't know where a damned thing was. I had been busy the last few weeks laying the groundwork for my mayoral campaign by zapping women with my remote and planting a suggestion that they would vote for me in the special election - now only 4 weeks away. Mayor Thompson had already announced her retirement, and the city council had moved quickly to schedule the special election to replace her.
Today I had to attend both closing, and supervise the move. The retiring mayor had already moved out of my new house, but I had to get my stuff out quickly so that Tom and Carrie could start moving in. I put Brenda in charge of the logistics of the move, and she had done a fine job. For the last few days, a pair of very careful and efficient Hispanic ladies had been packing up my every belonging - I think they even bubble-wrapped my toothbrush.
I dragged my tired ass out of bed and too a quick shower. The movers were set to begin packing the moving truck at 6am, and the closings were set for 8am and 930am. Now, I had no doubt that the transactions would all go smoothly, but I was very nervous about my stuff getting damaged, and I wasn't going to be happy until I was in my new place.
I had just finished dressing and was cursing the efficient Hispanic ladies for packing up the coffee maker when the doorbell rang. The moving truck was parked in the street, and there were two muscular young men waiting to start moving stuff. I gave them a quick tour of the place, and pointed out things that were especially fragile or valuable. They got right to work carrying furniture and boxes into the moving van.
Brenda came to pick me up at about 730 to take me to the first closing. I was grumpy, but she didn't care. She drove to the meeting, trying valiantly to make conversation all the way, but I was too surly to participate. At the first meeting, Tom and Carrie were there before us, and Tom greeted Brenda with a hug, and Carrie kissed me on the cheek. We all signed the papers, and they left in a hurry to finish packing so they could move in as soon as my stuff was all out.
Brenda led me to her office toward the back of the building, to relax for a few minutes while we were waiting for the second meeting. Her secretary, Jill, came into the small office and asked if I wanted any coffee or anything while I waited.
Jill was around 5-foot-5, maybe 25 years old, and quite striking. She had straight dark hair past her shoulders, a darker complexion, with piercing brown eyes and full lips. Her lithe body had all the right curves, with very nice round breasts and a voluptuous swell in her hips. Her dark-blue business suit was tailored to show off all of her curves. As attractive as she was with her clothes on, I knew she would look twice as good naked. I zapped her with the remote without thinking twice.
I gave her instructions that she would volunteer to help me move after the second closing meeting, and I quickly hit OFF. She looked a little disoriented for a moment, and I said, "Sure, I would love some coffee. The damn movers packed up my coffee maker and I haven't had even one cup yet today."
She smiled and said, "I'll be right back. Cream or sugar?"
"Nope." I said, "Give it to me straight and strong."