Hell Hath No Fury 5

Synopsis: Ms. Claus has had enough of Santa's philandering. It's payback time.

January 5th, 2006

The long black hair hung along the collar accusingly like a lump of jet black coal against a background of brilliant white fur. Ms. Claus snorted, "Probably Mexican coal at that..."

She tossed Santa's coat into the laundry with a glower. The soiled garment reeked of tobacco and alcohol which, combined with the dark hair, fleshed out the mental image of what Santa had been doing over the past week and a half. Deep down the woman knew this had been going on...for centuries, if not longer. But something snapped on that cold day on the North Pole. Ms. Katerina Claus had finally gone over the edge. She knew what she needed to do and her blue eyes glimmered with a steely resolve.

In the bedroom, Jolly Saint Nick snored away a hangover, blissfully unaware of the repercussions of his latest holiday adventure.

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December 24th, 2006

Katerina clutched a warm cocoa to her breast as she waved to the departing sleigh with a smile. Turning away from the dark night, blowing snow and whistling wind, she retreated into the house to her bedroom. Swapping the traditional cocoa for some wine, the woman slipped off her red flannel robe, and took out a slender vibe. She was going to enjoy this to the hilt.

There were a lot of things that normal people didn't know about life on the North Pole. The folklore and branding image folks left out a lot of details about how things really were; after all, they were writing for five-year olds as their primary audience. And little kids certainly didn't need to know that Ms. Claus was a statuesque blonde bombshell who preferred lesbian porn and bondage to baking sugar cookies. Sure, Katerina Claus was a young bisexual tart. But Santa Claus liked her like this, and you wouldn't believe some of the things that elf magic can do to keep a girl young. Look at it this way, how else, besides magic, could that fat old man get it up anyway?

Katerina was many things, but one of the things that she wasn't was unfaithful. The last time she got a sniff of pussy was back in her home village in Germania when she first met Nicholas. She, Nick, and a luscious raven-haired girl named Renate had a lovely threesome on St. Stephen's Day. Looking back on things, that liaison was perhaps a bad omen for the marriage, but the fact remained that Katerina had gone well over a millennium without a good woman to lay.

One of the other things that people never heard about was Santa's week off. There was one stint during the year when Santa wasn't watching to see who was naughty and nice. Santa's sleigh flew out of the North Pole on Christmas Eve, but wouldn't be back until after Twelfth Night.

Katerina didn't begrudge the old man his time away from the office. After all, the rest of the year was spent with endless board meetings at all the major toy companies, overseeing the outsourced manufacturing operations in China, and dealing with the licensing elves. What got Katerina's lace panties in a twist was the way in which Jolly Saint Nick spent his holidays.

Boozing.

Cock-fighting.

Whoring.

More often than not, the old elf spent the twelve days of Christmas in a tequila induced haze, banging the best prostitutes that Tijuana had to offer. Thailand was another favorite as well, but Mexico was old reliable. Hell, the year before last the reindeer had to bust Santa out of a Mexican prison after he busted a pool cue over the head of a biker in a massive bar brawl. Rudolf really was the most wonderful reindeer of all after that night. He was still missed.

"I saw Momma kissing Santa Claus" indeed... The lecherous old man was not only a mean drunk, he was rough in the sack as well. Dozens of lifetimes of being the moral arbiter for children the world over gave him some control issues. Lately, he's taken it upon himself to treat naughty girls like shit.

Things had to change. Being faithful was one thing, but Katerina had reached her limit. Tonight would be the start of a new world.

It took eleven months to execute, but the plan was easy for Katerina really. All she needed to do was co-opt the elves. And considering the fact that Santa neglected to bring any lady elves with the fellas when he opened up the first shop, it was pretty easy for Ms. Claus to seduce the staff.

She didn't even need to fuck the little guys, they settled for handjobs. Errr...well finger jobs at any rate.

Katerina started in R&D, and finger-fucked her way onto Distribution and Logistics. Things had changed quite a bit at the North Pole since the dawn of the electronic age. Ever since Hermey went off the deep end and became a dentist in 1983 after trying to build an Atari 800, manufacturing had been quietly outsourced to Asia. It was an easy business decision, woodworking tools didn't go well with circuit boards. So handcrafted dollies were out and the gang focused on learning new skills to avoid being downsized. Mastering the art of chip design was one of the talents of Santa's reorganized onsite workforce.

Once Ms. Claus had R&D wrapped around her fingers (or vice versa as the case may be), she pitched them the idea for two chips to be added to every toy that little boys and girls would be getting. Little girls would be getting the 'quim-chim-er-ree' model which would slowly introduce them to the wonders of feminine love as the years and exposure built up. Little boys would be getting the 'himbo-pa-looza' which should make them nice and docile for the next generation of women.

With some time and effort, Ms. Claus was even able to get the data analysis department to abolish the naughty and nice categories. Girls would now be classed into either Dominant or Submissive and given the appropriate chip. The girls also got a second pass to make them Lesbian or Bi. Unfortunately, all the bisexual girls were also coded as dominant, but they got the benefit of being able to choose whether to top a submissive woman or man as their whims dictated. 'The world must be peopled', as the Bard once wrote.

As for the boys...well as the himbo chip might indicate, they just got dumped into the submissive bucket. Boys were sweet little dears when they're young, but Katerina really couldn't abide them turning into beasts like Santa on a tequila bender.

The chips were built into every toy designed by Santa Labs. Every dolly, action figure, teddy bear, death ray laser rifle, tea set, and video game was outfitted with the extra part. The beauty of the whole operation was that Santa was so focused on management and distribution, that he wouldn't notice the design tweaks. Electronics were a little over his head, so he focused on getting Santa-designed product into every toy store and house around the world. His own midnight ride was mostly symbolic - parents did a lot of the heavy-lifting in getting toys under the trees in the twenty-first century.

After a year of work, the bottom line was Santa had no idea what he was delivering to the boys and girls of the world that night. He also had no idea that he'd be delivering these chips every year from now on.

Patrimony was on the way out, and as these kids grew up, Santa wouldn't be able to find a whore willing to touch him. Unless of course, the jolly elf had Katerina's permission to take it from his local strap-on-wearing Dominatrix. Katerina would be working on that too just to make sure that Nicholas acted like a good boy all year long. The idea of jolly old sub-nicholas had its appeal as long as he was easily controlled.

Sure the whole process would take a generation or two to play out, but what's twenty or fifty years in the face of elf magic?

In time, she'd even start to work with the branding folks to put Santa Claus out to pasture. Mistress Claus had a much better ring to it. The old man was going to be an anachronism in the sexually-charged matriarchy that Katerina was creating. Besides, she was much cuter that Santa anyway. She'd be resplendent in her red velvet corset and fur trimmed garters.

Mistress Claus laughed at the vision of that going onto Christmas cards. Experimentally, she tried a sexy ho-ho-ho to see if she could make her breasts jiggle like a bowl full of jelly. She could. Yep, she thought, every was coming up roses.

Katerina smiled and pinched a full nipple as she sipped her merlot. Soon enough, she sank her toy into her dewy blonde folds and got down to the business of bringing herself some Christmas joy. As she began to moan and writhe, she whispered under her breath, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."