Me and my girlfriend always look for ways to spice up our relationship. We've tried roleplay, domination, hell, we even tried bondage once. I got a tip from a friend of mine about this fantastic new "sex board game" (???) he played with his wife. He said it rocked his world, and took sex and their relationship to a whole new level. I was hesitant, but I figured why not.
It was called "Head Ahead!" and featured a very, uh, promiscuous box art. I ordered it through a throwaway credit card and a new amazon account so I could inspect it privately before me and my wife played. It arrived and I snuck it up to my office to inspect it.
First thing I saw when I cut open the box was a bright pink and black box with images of sex positions all over it. All varieties, girl silhouette giving man silhouette a blowjob, 69, girl with a collar giving head- wait.
In every single pose, the guy's dick was always in the girl's mouth.
Uh oh.
I tried to ask my girlfriend for head once, and got a pretty resounding no. It was a HUGE turn on for me, but I could understand why she wouldn't want to do it. I get it can be gross, but honestly there's something so hot about a girl kneeling in front of you, wrapping her lips around your cock, and looking up at you. Just the thought of it makes me hard.
I opened the box and saw a pocket watch on a chain, emblazoned with a pink heart. Numerous sealed envelopes, and some instructions. I began flipping through them when Laura walked in the room.
Shit.
I stood up, stuffing the instructions into my back pocket, and quickly kicked the box cover under some curtains. As I panicked, picked up the main box and tried to stuff it into a cabinet, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Whatcha got there babe?"
I made a sound somewhat like an apathetic neanderthal.
"A game? Hmm. Let's see."
She took the box from my hands and sat down criss cross, glancing over the components. I blushed a fervent color.
"Oh hoh, a naughty game?"
She gave me a wicked smirk, and a kiss on the cheek.
"I need to finish dinner, how about you read the rules and we'll play tonight. Kay?" I nodded.
As soon as she left, I read the manual. Apparently every game starts with a "hypnotism" of your partner. Swing the "magic watch" for 30 seconds, and have her press the heart button directly with her nose. Huh. Then, open an envelope, and read her tonight's rules. That's it? Some game.
I went and helped Laura with dinner. As we ate, and talked about coworkers and asked ourselves deep philosophical questions, (like whether or not a cannibalist can eat a vegetarian and honestly tell his friends he's eating vegetarian) the back of my mind raced about what'd happen later. It was either going to be my first blowjob, or I was going to be sleeping on the couch. I unfortunately bet on the latter.
As we cleaned up the dishes, Laura asks "what kind of game is it?" I gave her ass a squeeze and replied with a vague "You'll find out soon." She smiles.
We sat down on the bed.
"Alright, so I think I'm going to be a hypnotist, and you're going to be my sexy patient."
She giggled. "Kay."
I picked up the watch, and swung it in front of her, counting thirty seconds. She looked bemused. I then told her to press the button with her nose. She gave me a slightly confused look, before leaning in and pushing the button with her nose. I can't help but glance at her cleavage as she leaned forward. As she pressed the button, mist came out from the watch. She sniffed it, and smiled up at me.
"Smells like perfume."
"That's weird. Anyway now I read the rules for tonight."
I opened one of the envelopes labelled beginner.
"True love is a fabled virtue, one that transcends time and space, unfolding the inner desires of humanity. Without love, man is lost, and unable to enjoy life to the fullest. The purpose of a partner in this grand scheme, is to bring joy to the other. This bond of selfless devotion, blossoms confidence, loyalty, and promotes infallible respect."
I glanced up at her.
She's holding back a giggle.
This is clearly romantic mumbojumbo.