Joe was just that. An ordinary Joe who just got on with stuff. An office manager for a car firm, mid thirties and currently single after his wife died of Covid. As did his grandmother who left him the house.
Joe was troubled these days by just one thing. Hannah of the H.O.A. He hadn't met her, was unaware of what she looked like, but she was a pain in the neck.
Joe's grand folks had the sense to keep out of the H.O.A. When it started and kept them at bay right up until grandma died. Joe arrived during one of the lock down let ups, to find paper work to be signed appertaining to membership of the H.O.A. With a time limit to avoid a fine. He mailed it back with the heading, NO!
A few days later he had a letter saying he was fined for late submission and with it a new set of paper work. His response this time was to send it all back with a letter pointing out the house was never part of the H.O.A. And that it never would be, so back off or lawyers would be involved. By January 2022 layers had got involved and thing quieted down. For a while.
January 2023 brought a fine for his bins being in view overnight. February brought a fine for his grass being 2cm too long, under the three inches of snow. Followed by his garage door being the wrong colour.
His appearance at the next H.O.A. Meeting was legendary. He arrived ten minutes after it started, got told off for being late, walked up to the table where the President and her team sat and slammed down the letters fining him and more copies from the judge stating his not being a member. He then spoke very loudly;
"I cannot be late as I am not a member, nor can I be fined as I am not a member. The next time this joke H.O.A. Tries to annoy me I will paint the whole house bright pink with purple spots and plant an oak tree in the front lawn. BECAUSE I AM NOT A MEMBER!"
He then strolled out leaving several members trying not to laugh and point at Hannah, the president.
On his walk home Joe gave thought to Hannah. He had seen her around often, probably checking the local area for rule breaking. Now he knew she was the pain in his neck, but he still thought she was hot.
At forty seven Hannah was still in good shape. Not perfect, a little extra here and there but good for the age and always in a smart business suit, minus jacket in hot weather. Rather sexy, but looked down on most people. Like Joe.
Hannah had spoken to Joe before, but in a condescending way at best. A simple good morning would elicit a "Hmm" or "Oh, hello" if he was lucky. Not many people liked Hannah, but quite a few males in the area would happily give her a good seeing too given half a chance.
Joe was surprised to spot Hannah in the front row of the audience at the centre, a pop choir and hypnotist didn't seem her thing really.
When the audience was asked by the hypnotist to clasp their hands on top of their heads, they were then told when they woke up they would be unable to unclasp. Of course many were perfectly able, and it was from the rest that the 'victims' were chosen. Including Hannah.
Hannah had been coerced by her husband, an airline pilot, to attend against her better judgement, it would put her in a better light he told her, more human to the locals. She rarely bothered but this was one of those times when hubby won.
Joe had turned down his hearing aid to begin with, to help make sure he watched the human chickens rather than became one. As a child Joe had learned to lip read, later treatment had improved his hearing and he could be selective with the use of his hearing aid.
As the show went on, the usual barking, clucking and speaking in tongues stuff, Joe managed to lip read the command words given to Hannah, Bambi blows big bubbles.
It was when Hannah was told that she had an elephant to lead round that she was dropped, she just wasn't able to follow that one. A man and another woman went further, with the most effected male the last one up. He believed he we was an astronaut and gave a short lecture on his last flight.
Joe paid little attention, he was wondering if the command words would work for him, he thought the voice was the key but, well it was worth thinking about.
Three days later Joe saw Hannah as he got home. The usual tight pencil skirt, heels, tight white blouse, pressed and enough buttons undone to show some of her ample cleavage, but not too much, with her bob cut light brown hair only a little out of place due to the breeze. And a clipboard and pen.
"Hi Hannah, lovely day." Joe called politely. "Scraping up some more money for your cronies then?"
Hannah had to walk past him but otherwise paid him as little note as possible.
"Oh Hannah," Joe said seriously, getting her attention. "Bambi blows big bubbles."
Oh the joy. The simple joy of seeing Hannah stop, drop her chin and stand still.
"Hannah, when I count down from three and click my fingers, you will wake and realise that you find me rather attractive sexually, and want to dress sexily to attract my and other men's attention. You will find it exciting to do so. You will forget this meeting except for the instructions."
Joe down counted and clicked and walked straight to his door, not seeing the slight confusion on Hannah's face as she woke up. Nor the confused look she gave his butt as he entered his house.
Joe sweated. As he shut the door he leaned back on it, The moment he gave the command he had worried it would all go wrong somehow, she may hear him and know what he was doing. In his panic he forgot the rehearsed phrasing and just did his best.
Two days later and Joe passed Hannah as he drove home. When she sped up her pace he thought she may be trying to catch him as he got home, so he bent over to reach back into the car when he got out, pretending to sort something.
Hannah saw that butt and gave a shudder. Why had she taken so long to realise he was a cutie, sexy? Still, her shorter skirt and emerald green camisole top would make him notice her. She was always eyeing the men, being a little frustrated at her husband being away so much gave her a few mild fantasies. Joe stood up and looked at her. He gulped and took a breath.
"Hello Hannah, come to fine me for not being in bed with you? The H.O.A. That is."
"Um no," she stalled, "I er, thought maybe we should talk, you know, um?" The bed comment put her off balance.
