Girl Intergraded

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Straight to voicemail, eh? You sure know how to make a guy feel welcome. Jury's out on if that's even applicable to me according to my dickhead friends, though. To be fair I no doubt have more skirts in my closet right now than you've got skeletons. Or skirts, for that matter. Anyway... was kinda hoping for a less one sided chat but I guess this'll do. I told you about Abby walking out on me, yeah? It's pretty surreal, I don't think she's coming back but like... all her shit's still in my place and I can't get in touch with her at all. I was talking about her skirts if it wasn't obvious... just so you know. Tried her sister too, a real 'In case of emergency break glass' effort and it still amounted to jack. Isn't that weird? I'm like the least threating person ever so I'm really not sure what this is all about.

Shit, Maggs, you know I'm dumb as a bag of bricks so if I did something this bad to upset her I'll never figure it out. Just needed someone to talk to I guess, but the phone's a good a listener as any. Remember when we last had you over for dinner? She was all over me then, I even considered surprising her with a ring one of these days even I know she'd hate it! Y'know, I keep thinking about all her shit just sitting here and... that's not normal right? Some of these are like, highly sentimental possessions and others are way too valuable to ditch. If she hadn't left me a voicemail I'd assume she was kidnapped, for Christ's sake.

But then, you can threaten people into saying they're fine over the phone right? I mean the craziest shit me and Abbs got up to was buying a little pot from time to time, so I can't imagine how she'd get wrapped up in something that serious but... yeah. I dunno. Sound like some crackpot conspiracy theorist when I'm probably just a bit heartbroken, haha. If Anna ain't picking up either then Abigail's probably staying with her, right? She's always been a bit rash, I'm sure she'll calm down soon enough and at least get in touch to pick up her stuff. Shoved it all in the spare room so it's out of sight and out of mind. Still working on that last part, I guess. Talk to you later, if you don't pick up again I'll drive all the way over and pull your hair like I did when we were snot-nosed kids. The second I get a driving license, anyway. Connor out.

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Well if I wasn't already paranoid I sure as shit am now. Is it really so hard to pick up the phone for your dear baby 'to be decided'? Listen, I've had a weird week. Understatement of the fucking century, I've had a week that makes Dali look mundane. Maybe this is an invasion of privacy but after another week of radio silence I may have started snooping. Abby took her laptop with her but she's still signed into her emails on my computer and uhhh... you've gotta read this shit, Maggie. I can't tell if the shit she wrote about is real or if she's been cheating on me in some elaborate, fetishistic roleplay. These are more in line with my kinks than hers, though.

You know, my friends were real weird about me letting Abbs book a hotel in another city but I trusted her enough. Even when she extended her stay, I wasn't suspicious. I really am a clueless idiot. Maybe dangerously so if this isn't just cheating. Look I'm not so stupid I'd buy into such unrealistic, insane crap... but I followed up some of the stuff she wrote about. Turns out she really did get in touch with the cops, multiple times, so I don't know what to make of this now.

Oh right I'm getting ahead of myself, haven't even said what was in the damn emails... talk of brainwashing, sex cults, some bitch named Angel who seduced or charmed her or whatever, has her convinced of all sorts of fantastical things. It's not that I believe it all, but I'm convinced that Abby does and that worries me. She was sending these to an old friend of hers and the last one well, it reads like a lure... and sure enough, I can't get in contact with this Samantha woman either!

Starting to think that Abigail's wrapped up in something unhealthy, even roleplay can go too far when it upends your life like this. She never officially broke up so if I go after her I'm not just the clingy ex sticking their nose into other people's business, right?

Stay safe out there Maggs, lock your doors and all that shit. Speak soon.

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I called Mom earlier to see if you're alright since you won't pick up the damn phone. You're living back home, eh? Guess I don't have to worry about you starving or being on the streets or anything but uh... she said you're holed up in your room? What's with that? Just makes me want to pester you more if I'm honest, if you're not ready to talk then at least listen. I hope you're listening cause I sure as shit can't talk to mom or any of my old friends about all of this.

Did I just say 'old friends'? Guess that's a slip, but whatever. Between poor taste jokes about Abigail and the comments on my increasingly experimental wardrobe that veer into places I don't much like, I guess I just don't feel like hanging with them these days. Maybe all that shit you used to say about guys is right on point after all. God, I said that as if wasn't one of 'em... haha. Anyway, I didn't just call to pry into your personal affairs though you can absolutely colour me interested, I hope you're okay. If some guy hurt you or something, well... I dunno if I can do much but just take your time and be safe, okay?

Now that the boring sibling talk is out of the way... I'm ashamed to admit that I'm buying into this conspiracy stuff more than I probably should, but if that's the case I'd be a dumbass to trace the exact same steps that Abigail took and end up getting sucked in the same way she did. Her mistake was investigating this at all, or well, being so obvious about it at least. I can't just let it lie, can I? I've decided not to stick out my neck like Abby did, I'm gonna hire a private investigator instead. Get a real professional involved, one who can be discrete and compile enough evidence for me to actually do... something. I'd love to discover that Abigail's just exploring new kinks, even if it meant she's gone about it in the cruellest way possible.

Maybe it's good you're not leaving your room, even if you're nearly 30, there's some weird shit going on out in the world right now. Heh, maybe that's not a very responsible thing to say. Call me anytime, if not I'll leave more annoying voicemails to pester you with okay? Bye for now.

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Guess who? Mom told me she heard you listening to my last voicemail so I thought I'd send another since you love them so much. If you were on the other end of the line right now you'd probably call her creepy for pressing her ear to the door like that but hey, at least she cares. If I were home I'd probably kick your door down even if you still need space, so perhaps it's for the best that I'm too preoccupied to visit right now. You'll tell us what's going on eventually, right?

Blehh... sorry to labour the point. Got some news of my own at least, I actually went and hired a PI like I said I would. Took a few days to find the right one, never done anything like this before and I didn't really get how it all worked. Also I'm not exactly loaded with cash right now, so I had to lowball a little... or a lottle... Ashamed to say this but when I saw the newest one on the site I was using was a heavily discounted service 'cause they're new on there and that they specialise in cult investigation, I bit the bullet and got in touch.

Expected most private investigators to be greying dudes with incomprehensible backgrounds, but I'm meeting this woman tomorrow and she said to look out for black hair and dark shades. Feel like I'm in a fucking spy movie, it's kind of exciting, or it would be if the reality of all of this didn't just hit me. She gave me references though, so this gal ain't just a first time amateur looking to make a quick buck off of me, the sucker I am. I was looking up what to do and guess I'll ask to see her license too, just to make sure I'm not being scammed. Cheap as this is, I wouldn't even be that upset. I'd love to do right by Abby but these fucking bills, man. I forgot how tough it is to live by yourself, girl was working her ass off for us too...

Well I'll let you know how it goes cause why the fuck not, right? Feeling pretty lonely lately, feel free to grace me with your voice whenever. Till then, peace.

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Hey Maggs, it's just me. Met the PI chick in a local cafe and she's legit, not just in her identification but her results too. Before we even met to confirm I was hiring her and discuss payment, she'd made a fancy ass dossier. There wasn't a ton of info but what there was impressed a bum like me who hadn't gotten anywhere in weeks. She'd already acquired the address of where Abby's been staying, apparently Anna's there too just her emails said. I know I haven't gone into too much detail on what she wrote and well... I wish I could say her being with her sister comforted me instead of the opposite.

Rachel, the PI, told me not to go to the place myself which... yeah, fair enough. She's going to dig up the homeowner's name and if it's this Angel woman, hopefully she'll get enough dirt on her that the pigs have no choice but to take us seriously. I was feeling pretty good, sitting there sipping at my sickeningly sweet coffee, when this Rachel asked for my pronouns. Caught me a little off guard, I'm used to mixing in progressive circles online but most of my experience out in the city with regular folks has been fairly right of centre. So I was surprised at the question. I actually froze up, not sure what to say. Usually these days I avoid the question, defaulting to what I was born with when pressed but also feeling a bit weird about it. You know how I am, I remember how much it pissed you off when we were younger how I'd always 'copy your hobbies'. So when I was asked so directly I think I just sorta hesitated, there was this look in her eyes like she'd picked up on something I'm still catching up to. I just said 'any' in the end, which is a first. Fuck it, they're just words right?

Maybe while I wait to see what Rachel finds, I should do some discovering of my own, haha... I'll catch you up soon, can't believe you won't phone me back.

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Sorry for the long silence, been an odd couple of weeks. There's a lot of that recently, strangeness. Hey you said you always wanted a sister right? I remember you saying that if you had to put up with me acting like one anyway I might as well be the real thing. Maybe those words made more of an impression than I thought, maybe not. It would have been nice to be your younger sister I think, I'd have gotten all the clothes you outgrew and given the alternative with Mom's crappy income that'd have been fine by me. I was talking to Rachel about it at lunch today and when she asked me what aspects of being a guy I enjoyed, felt good about, I... I couldn't think of a single one. I jokingly said I was more in touch with my feminine side, maybe not the best thing to say, but she was quick on the response. "I can tell." She said, smiling like it was so casual. While I'd like it to be true, maybe, there's not much feminine about me. Not like, typically at least. I'd say I'm more like Abby in that regard but there I go again, comparing myself to the women in my life. Don't have to ask my old buddies to know most men don't do that.

I should backtrack a little, huh? Went to dinner with Rachel to go over her findings, it wasn't like a date... but it wasn't not one either. I guess I brushed over how flirty our conversation had been in the cafe when we first met in person, I mean I felt guilty about Abby. I still do, but nobody's ever seen me like Rachel does you know? She treats me differently and lonely as I am, I think I'm hooked on that feeling. Like I can be myself. It's tough cause I'm still paying for her services, but it's not like there's any power dynamic at play right? It was a fancy fucking restaurant, her choice not mine to be clear. Sorta made the discount I got on her seem moot, but I don't really regret it just yet. It was nice, normal. Or weird in a good way... not weird, different. Gosh I'm rambling... When I complimented her dress she said I'd look good in it, when I mentioned wanting to grow my hair out more she was enthusiastic in a way that made me genuinely smile. Then she said I had a pretty smile. A pretty smile? I'm still red.

Still going by Connor at the moment, Abby called me Connie sometimes but it seems a little cheesy to just flip my birth name. Th-that's if I want to do anything like that, I'm just sort of experimenting. I want to ask Rachel if we can still see each other once her work's done but I've never felt so fucking shy and... I don't know where me and Abby'll be by that point. Guess it's over if I'm having these thoughts, I don't want to be an asshole boy-- partner, y'know?

Speaking of Rachel's work, we did actually discuss that too, I wasn't just there to let a beautiful woman make me question my identity with a side order of shrimp. She got the records for the property and confirmed it's under Angel's name, so I'm convinced the place is some sort of commune or whatever. I got some photos too, almost thought I saw Abby in one of them but I can just barely tell the twins apart, don't ask me how. Never seen Anna in the nude before, almost choked on my salad when my lovely dining partner sprung such a shot on me in the middle of a crowded area. The bleach blonde Annabelle Porter just standing there without a thread protecting her modesty, it was so perfect the way she presented herself through the glass doors of the balcony that it almost looked staged, like some naughty photoshoot. Made me wonder how long Rachel must have been out there waiting, she's really dedicated.

Only managed to get the back of Angel's head so I still don't know what she looks like. Abby wrote about hypnotising herself with just that sight but as I held the photograph in my hand I couldn't really see it. There was no spiral, no swinging watch, just a regular looking blonde. Guess I'm not taken in the way she was, not primed to frame everything related to this Angel woman as the work of real angels or what have you. We can agree that she's no regular person at least, but I just think she's some power hungry freak who needs to stop messing with people's lives. Guess that's pretty self-righteous, but hey I'm doing the right thing aren't I? Rachel seems to think so... said she's really impressed that I'm stepping up like this, going so far to protect the people I love. I wonder what you make of it all, Maggie, you'd usually have such a mountain of words for me by now I'd be suffocated in a verbal avalanche.

Keep eating all of Mom's shitty meals and keep your strength up. Love you lots, speak soon okay?

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Hic! Ahaha...

Oh fuck, ignore that... uhm, where to start...

ahaha

, sorry Maggs my heads a mess right now. Thought I'd call you instead of getting shit done, your booming silence should sober me up some or at least let me procrastinate a little longer. I think I fucked up big time, I barely drink at all but even so... this is getting messed up... Yesterday afternoon, closer to evening really, Rachel told me she'd discovered something huge. It wasn't very professional of her not to just wait until the morning, the excitement in her voice was so refreshing though. I forgot what it was like to have a voice on the other end of the phone, Maggs. I'm not sure how the conversation led there but she asked if I wanted to come see her so she could show me what she'd uncovered. I was a little shocked when I realised she didn't mean a bar or anything and was instead just inviting me over to her place. Of course I was nervous and a little tongue-tied, not sure if I was reading too much into things. What a strange way to meet someone, right? Imagine telling that story to your kids... they'd think terribly of you, no doubt.

Even so, I went. Guess I was high off of all the good ideas I've been having lately that I figured I could afford a bad one. I even took a condom just in case this wasn't really about work. I think I've gotten a little lost in her. Rachel, that is. She was smothered in thick perfume when she answered the door and it made me feel a little high, but also jealous of how effortlessly feminine she is. I sobered up a little when she led me into her office and not her bedroom, my excitement over seeing her replaced with anticipation over what she discovered that simply couldn't wait. Watched her sit down at her desk and throw one leg over the other, beckoning me closer onto a stool that had me so much lower. I think she made a joke about that. I think. She was too distracting, like just her presence. I wondered if I'd fucked up in not hiring one of those greying old dudes I mentioned before. I started to feel like how Abby described she did around that Angel woman, which made my skin crawl even if I didn't really fight it.

Rachel told me everything I could possibly want to hear and like a true sucker I ate it up, if she offered peanuts on her palm I'd have probably sucked them up too and licked every speck of salt from her skin. That's how enamoured I was, a few well placed comments where I was most vulnerable and a little romantic flirting and I'd fallen for my PI like some dumb horny boy that thinks with his dick. I think I'm in deep here, Maggs. She told me she had compiled a full dossier on this Angel woman that she was sure would be actionable in court, presented the file to me... it was thick and sure I flicked through it but when she asked if I wanted to read through it closely... she was already cracking a celebratory bottle open and I closed it. Said I trusted her better than myself when it came to those things anyway, took a glass and threw it back.

It's the last concrete memory I have of last night. Complete blackout. I woke up at my own place, no sultry investigator snuggling up for warmth or anything like that. I was mortified, having no idea what happened and only able to imagine the most embarrassing outcomes. This is where things go from bad to worse, though. Rachel's not responding to me at all, calls or texts. Even a well worded email might as well have gone into her spam folder. God I was so pissed off, she had some breakthrough evidence and now it was out of reach. More than that, I just wanted to see her and apologise for whatever I did that made such a bad impression.

Then...

ahaha...

fuck. Then the giggles came. Whenever I paused for thought, or just sort of stayed idle for too long, I'd let out one just like that. All high pitched and humiliating. Got me real paranoid and then it hit me... there's no way I'd have blacked out drinking. Rachel carefully dropped my guard and finally lured me into a place where she could take her time messing with my head into the early hours of the night. Ah...

ahahaha...

I'm not completely stupid, Maggie, you think I don't know what this means?

You tipped her off didn't you? Angel, that is. I told you I was going to hire a PI and the perfect candidate's there and waiting for me, too tempting to ignore. So what, did she get to you first? Is that related to why you're holed up at home? I'm considering barricading my apartment too but...

ahahaha...

fat lot of good that's done you, right? You're still too loyal to resist helping her lay claim on your own flesh and blood when push comes to shove, when you think you might be able to impress her, earn favour. I'm right aren't I? Guess you and Abby were close, did you stick your neck out too?