The bellman must have seen the look on my face; he reaches out a hand to steady me. I lift my gaze to look into his eyes. My emotions must show in my eyes as I see the pupils of his dilate. I break the glance and step away from the bellman, looking for the elevator as I cross the lobby. Finding the elevator, I press the button and wait for the elevator to arrive. Glancing at the key I realize I do not know the room number that I am to go to. I look inside the envelope again and discover the note you have included with the key.
Welcome pet. I look forward to our meeting. May I compliment you on your promptness? How do I know this, the bellman was instructed to only give you this message if you arrived before 2pm. Please come to room 1231.
Just as I finish reading the message, the elevator bell chimes and the doors open. I enter the elevator and I reach to press the button for the 12th floor and notice my hand shaking, I wonder to myself if it is from fear or anticipation. My thoughts drift to how badly I had lost time on the way to the hotel, and I remember how we talked about driving as being its own type of hypnotized state at times. I am amazed at how much I had let my mind take me away, yet I continued to function. I glance up at the numbers as the elevator climbs its way from floor to floor, 4,5,6,7…..
As the doors part, I exit the elevator, the fear in my stomach solidifies. I check the numbers and head toward the room that is indicated in the envelope. My heart is pounding and my mind is racing, my breath coming in short shallow gasps as I near my destination.
When I find the door I stop myself, and take a moment to breath. I begin to have a feeling of dejavous as my mind begins to spin, I have been so in and out of trance for the past few hours, and I can no longer define the line between reality and fantasy. I am both fearful and extremely excited. The swirling in my mind makes it difficult to stand, and even this feeling reminds me of my fantasy. I am, for a second time, standing at a hotel door and fighting the pulling of my mind, wanting to surrender to the feelings of dark delight.
Taking control of myself I knock on the door, I don’t really expect an answer but I feel strange just entering the room. I open the door, slowly, my mind searching for the candlelight I had seen in my fantasy. My eyes are greeted with a sunny hotel room. The shades are pulled back and bright sunlight streams into the room. I blink at the glaring affront to my fantasy and walk into the room looking to see if you are there.
The room is empty much as I expected. You love mystery and I know you like to use it to get into my mind and take control. On the small table by the window sits a note propped up with my name on it. Next to the note is a gift box wrapped in silver paper with a white ribbon. Because I know you, as an act of defiance, I open the box first, leaving the note until after I discover the contents of the box.
In the box are another note, a blindfold, and two wrist restraints. I open the note in the box with a distinct feeling of dread, I know somehow you have anticipated my actions; I should have behaved and opened the letter on the table first.
Oh pet, you have disappointed me, for that you must be punished. Put the wrist restraints on and then go to the closet. I want you to take the cd player and head phones from the closet and the disc that is blue. Go to the bed and lie down, put the blindfold on and then the headphones. Make sure you note which button is play on the cd player so you can hit play once your laying down. Now be a good girl and don’t disappoint me again pet.
I follow your instructions and lay down on the bed. My heart is racing, now more from fear than excitement. Not the same fear as earlier, this time its fear of having displeased you. I am ashamed by my behavior and much as a child would be fearful of a parent’s disappointment, I am afraid of yours. My shaking hand presses play on the player, and I hear the whir of the cd spinning up, then all of my fear melts away as I hear your voice say, “delicious pet”. Some part of my mind recognizes the words and I slowly slip down into oblivion as your voice begins to count the passing sign posts on the river I am floating on in my mind. I struggle to concentrate and follow you as you begin to skip numbers and I feel my “self” slipping deeper as the numbers get higher and higher, your speed of counting becoming more intense with each passing moment, and then I feel the darkness envelope me as I give up trying to follow your words and I slip into oblivion.
I regain some semblance of awareness as you bring me from my dark delight, still holding me deeply in trance, I realize that it is no longer a tape I am listening to, but I am unable to open my eyes, and then I realize it wouldn’t matter if I could, I can still vaguely feel the blindfold on my face. As you talk you bring my attention to your hands, which are on my ankles. You are spreading them apart on the bed. You tell me how wonderful I look, lying entranced on the bed, with my leg spread. You ask me if I was a good girl and wore only that which you told me to. My voice is heavy and thick and I reply, “Yes.”
