"I'm going to do it. I'm just going to do it," I repeated as much for myself as for Wally. I paced the small dorm room, nervously watching my phone. The feeling of the plush rug between my toes soothed my nerves a little.
"Are you sure Annie, what if he says no?" Wally answered. Well I answered for him in a squeaky voice. Wally can't speak for himself, being a stuffed koala and all. But when you live alone and moved away from your friends and family, you need company somehow. Especially since Caitlyn was studying abroad in Spain this semester. She was my only close college friend, and with her gone I was hurting for conversation. Enter Wally.
"I know Wally. But we have to take the risk. It's my senior year and I'm running out of time to ask him. I went to school so far from home to have adventures. And so far my only 'adventure' has been joining the crochet club. I mean sure I'm acing my classes. But I don't wanna look back on college and just see four years of homework and test scores. Besides I may never get another chance like this," I said, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice.
"You're so brave Annie. Surely he'll be impressed by your courage."
"Thanks Wally. You always know just what to say. Ok no more procrastinating. I'm going in!" I puffed up my chest and marched across the room to where the phone lay on my pink sheets. I took it in my hands and read the message again.
Caleb: Hey Annie, I just wanted to thank you for crushing this group project. You may have saved my degree. I really owe you one.
I read it one more time. I still couldn't believe I had Caleb's number. I knew it was just for Professor Douglas's psychology class. But still I had a boy's phone number. And not just any boy, but Caleb!
He was always so confident and outgoing. It was like he was everyone's friend. He just had a way of putting people at ease. He was nothing like me. Meeting new people didn't scare him at all, a true prince. I had a moment of doubt. What would someone like him want with someone like me, so naive and sheltered? I was kidding myself, thinking he'd want me. The phone started to slip from my grasp.
As the black box nearly tumbled to the bed, I caught it. No! My online therapist said to stop overthinking and live in the moment. My thumbs went to work before the mirage of my bravery could evaporate again.
Annie: You're welcome! I was happy to do it. Honestly it was just nice to be around you. You make me feel so sure of myself, like you don't judge me at all. I've had a crush on you for forever now. Your dark, wavy hair is so cute. And your band is so cool. And you're so nice to me. But it seems like you always had a girlfriend. I couldn't keep track of them all. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was excited when I heard you broke up with Mimi because it meant maybe, just maybe I had the tinniest chance. And just that itsy-bitsy hope made my heart flutter. So I wanted to ask if you'd go out with me? It would be the best day of my life if you say yes.
I reread the message before sending. Too much, way too much. I shouldn't just pour my heart out like that, but once I started writing it just all spilled out. I frantically started deleting and tried again.
Annie: You're welcome! I was happy to do it. Honestly, I had fun hanging out with you in the library. I'd love to hang out again sometime, not for a class.
Yeah. Yeah. That felt better. Play it cool. Just be cool, Annie. I could be cool. Totally. I hit send.
Instantly my head filled with dark fantasies. I imagined Caleb showing my message to all his friends and laughing, making fun of me. The socially anxious, flat-chested girl who talks to her stuffed animals thinking she could date the cutest guy in her class. What a joke. My heart sank at just the thought of it.
Then I saw them, dots, three of them, flashing on the screen. "Wally he's responding, right now! So soon!" I sat on the bed and clutched Wally to my chest. I held him between me and the phone, like a shield against the brewing rejection. Then the message burst into existence.
Caleb: I had fun with you too. I'd be down to hang out sometime.
I squealed with joy. "Wally, he said yes! He said yes!" I leapt off the bed and started twirling Wally around my tiny dorm.
"That's wonderful. I always knew he would. You're the sweetest girl in all the land," Wally responded.
"Aww Wally, you're just saying that," I laughed, still spinning him around the room.
"Shouldn't you respond to the young prince instead of dancing with me?" Wally said.
"Yes, You're right!"
I ran back to the phone and started typing.
Annie: Awesome! Im so happy you said yes. I was terrified you might turn me down. Being home schooled before college and all I haven't talked to boys much. So I had no idea what to say or if I was being too forward or too pushy or too anything. I hadn't thought as far ahead as what to do if you said yes. Is there anything you want to do?
I knew as soon as I read it that I had poured my heart out again. Thank goodness for editing. I went to start deleting and retyping but my stupid finger brushed the send button. The blue bubble formed, immortalizing my outpouring in the digital equivalent of a stone tablet. I gasped and dropped the phone.
So stupid. I had been doing so well, playing it so cool. There was no way he'd go out with me after that. He would realize I'm just an awkward girl with no real friends who doesn't know how to talk to people. My moment in the sun was over. Then the response came. I braced myself.
Caleb: No worries at all. You weren't being too forward. I have to admit I was a little surprised. I kind of thought you just stayed in and studied all the time. But I'd have never known you were interested if you hadn't said anything. Do you have plans tonight? I was gonna go to The Comet to watch my buddy's band play. You're welcome to come with.
I gasped. He still didn't shoot me down after that mess of a message. I was so happy I could cry. Then I realized, "Wait he wants to do something tonight! I thought I'd have more time to get ready, maybe buy a new dress or straighten my hair. And I've never even been to The Comet. What should I wear?" I looked down at Wally, panicking.
"It's ok Annie. He's probably not expecting you to do all those things. It just matters that you go," he said, his button eyes as calm and unblinking as ever.
I looked up at the nest of frizzy, red curls on my head. "You're right, Wally. You're right. I have to get ready," I said, darting to the small bathroom. I pulled my makeup kit out from under the sink and got halfway through applying my eye liner before I realized I hadn't responded. I quickly turned to my phone, careful to write something cool the first time.
Annie: Cool, Cool. Totally. I'm down to go. What time?
There, not a trace of oversharing to be found. Send. The response came right away.
