Finding Your Importance

The ceiling was familiar, bare and made of steel, one I had seen over and over again in one place. Not exactly the one I had been under before, but the style and material was the same one.

I was in one of Iconoclast's room in her base, somewhere or another. My eyes looked around, despite there being no need for it--no one else was here. I didn't get my usual nearly extradimensional sense of understanding where everyone was, what I needed to do to get out of everyone's attack, or the best way to attack them back. Made me feel deaf and blind, despite the fact I was safe. Or as safe as I could be, considering I wasn't back in my own lair.

Iconoclast had her own reasons to bring me here, though, for sure. And the best way to find that out would be to go to her room and asked her straight on. So with that plan in mind, I started to stand up--and found myself nearly planting my face right into the floors. Everything spun, the moment I stood up.

I had no choice but to stay there on the floor, feeling the coolness against the thinness of the generic outfit the boss had given to me for... modesty, I was pretty sure. There didn't seem any other pair of clothing in the room, so I shouldn't have taken the wrong conclusion, not really.

Took me a while, and I was fiercely glad that the floor was clean, before I could stand back up. Nausea still nipped me in the back of my mind, reminding me that I was still dizzy and not in the best of condition. But this time I managed to move without much issue, walking around to do my morning's daily habit.

Bathroom to clean my chalky feeling mouth, get a few drinks off the bottle to quench the thirst--I ended up drinking all of it, then picking out an outfit. I went to my own wardrobe, eyes sliding away from my usual, preferred clothes. I always loved casual, especially those smooth t-shirt that still looked a little glossy from afar, making it look fancier than it should be. My eyes instead were pulled to something else, one that made me frown for a moment, as I touched the fabric.

White frills with black base, even the apron at the front was purely white. My frown deepens as I touched it, feeling the softness against my skin. There was something about it that called to me, even though I didn't think I ever get interest in it.

I didn't know why, but I still picked the uniform up and put it on. A maid uniform, so, so different from what I usually wore as Lacuna. So open and breezy, against tight and full of armors. I preferred to go right into the action, fighting with all my senses open and ready against what they would do.

"This feels... different." I murmured, settling on the not-really-right word, and yet close enough to the warm feelings blooming inside my body. There was only one more part to this ensemble, but there was a war of revulsion and

want

as I looked at the headband in the closet.

I ended up closing it, the opposite feeling making me both torn and--wrong. That there was something I was missing and I didn't get it. That, whatever it was, was a hole in my brain that I didn't manage to grasp even if I tried to do so.

What had happened yesterday? Why did I end up in the base instead of on my bed in my own place? And yet my brain didn't seem to wish to cooperate, giving me a dull throb instead as I left the room, intent to go find Iconoclast and demanded a few answers out of her.

The corridor felt so different now, with me wearing this. The skirt made things incredibly swishy and breezy, and--the sensation somehow felt nice. Sent me positive feelings that made me wonder why did I never wear them before. I always thought that they felt uncomfortable, that kicking and moving would be harder with a skirt... But this didn't make it that way.

I tried to not focus on it, just looking at my environment instead. Feeling the way the various guards in the base wasn't actually doing their proper job and instead turning, looking towards me. I shivered, hands wringing my skirt. To call it uncomfortable would be too much, but the way they were looking, keeping watch of me sent a thrill, a heat through my core.

Biting my bottom lip, I gripped my skirt a bit tighter, just trying to give myself another sensation to focus on. But I couldn't. My power continued to feed me the sensation, reminding me who they were focusing on--it was useful during a fight. But in a situation like this, it was just too much.

My footsteps quickened, desperate to get out of the sterile, made of steel corridor and away from the eyes.

The attention followed me throughout my walk.

Even when I finally arrived in front of the boss's room, the two guards weren't hiding the way they were watching me. And not just in a calculating way, but something else. A desirous intention I couldn't hide away from. Goosebumps rose from my skin, a crawling feeling as if a bug just skittered across my arms. I hid the uncomfortableness the best I could, putting on my social mask as I straightened my spine--which incidentally made me push my chest slightly forward.

Flush colored my cheeks a little bit, but despite everything, I still gave the two of them a scowl. "Are you going to keep me outside, as a form of powerplay against me, or let me open the door?"

The cool tone was what snap them out of it, a jerk on their body that made me know that they were one of the few mercenaries Iconoclast had allowed me to beat up. I smirked at them, rolling my shoulders in a way that reminded me of the fight, letting myself pump my heart up.

They gulped, immediately shuffling away to let me have easy access to the room. A little disappointing, but they didn't really matter.

I knocked before opening the door, blinking at the fact Iconoclast and Neural were sitting on the table together. They didn't tend to be close friend like this. Iconoclast was both Neural's, and I's boss, but she didn't like to be close--in fact, I would say she tended to find it easier to tell me to ask Neural to do something, especially if it was complicated.

It was a moment, but it was still a bit before Iconoclast seemingly noticed me, a smirk spreading on her face before she finally gave me a permission. "You can walk in now, Lacuna."

Oh. That was why I hadn't walked in, like I usually would. I could feel the vague prickling of the two mercenaries' stare, watching, judging of what I was doing. I finally followed the order, closing the door behind me and letting those feelings vanish to the ether--and focusing elsewhere instead. Towards my boss and best friend, who didn't seem to look back at me the moment I was inside the room.

And yet, the most important feelings I got the moment I was inside was--how the two of them were my enemies. No, they were important to me. Neural was the most important of course, as she was my friend. My

best friend

, even, while Iconoclast was just my boss. And yet I couldn't shake off the thought that they were the enemy right now, and I should do something.

My hand went down, towards my skirt, trying to find my usual baton, and yet there was nothing. I didn't bring it with me, I didn't even look towards them, when I wore this maid uniform. Why did I pick this one up? There was--

"Lacuna--well, I suppose it's better to call you Lynn, for now." Iconoclast spoke, and anything I was trying to think fell off by the wayside. My attention completely narrowed down to her, with a part of me taking note of Neural. She was merely taking notes, her eyes completely focused on what was happening between the two of us. Usually she wouldn't care, but why now? "Come closer to us."

Iconoclast motioned where I could put myself, and I just walked close, not even doing my usual ribbing. Even when I opened my mouth, somehow the words wouldn't come to me. So all I could do was walk closer and stood next to Iconoclast, as she started to caress my cheek, gently touching my body as I jerked slightly in place.

Neural herself was narrowing her eyes at the sight, but I couldn't really focus on that, no. All I could do was stay silent as Iconoclast seemingly checked me all over, touching everywhere without regards, whether I liked it or not. But saying no didn't seem to be in my repertoire.

What I had was a pleasant feeling suffusing all over my body, especially as I submitted to the touches. It wasn't too much, more akin to getting into a warm bath after physical exertion. Soothing, but not so much so I would drown within them.

"You did an excellent work, Neural. She's so much more pliant now, and I couldn't see any... issues." There was a flicker of uncertainty there in the end, but she easily smothered it down.

I was the one who was reeling on the information that was just dropped upon me, but despite all the question bubbling at the back of my head--none managed to come out of my mouth. No, all I could do was standing like that, letting the pleasant feeling somehow rubbing away everything else. The uncomfortableness, the questioning ones didn't seem to stay, no matter how hard I tried to grip it with my own hands.

Especially not as Neural herself nodded and motioned for me to come next to her. I didn't fight it, even though I knew I should. My body didn't seem to take note of what I was feeling, making everything into a whiplash as I continued being calm--even good. Especially as Neural pulled me close, halfway into her lap, and allow me to feel the warmth of her body to spread all over me.

Distracting.

Especially since I needed to still wonder about what was happening, at how everything felt off, and yet I couldn't seem to find

any

.

"Hush, you are thinking so, so much, Lynn." Neural's hand gently rubbed my head, and it feels as if she sent wonders down my nerves, right from where her fingers were touching. I groaned softly, head rubbing back against her touch, trying to get more pleasure to drip into me. "You don't need to think, or even listen to our talk. You'll just focus on my touches and feel all the pleasure you surely want, alright?"

I wanted to shake my head, and yet Neural just scratched my scalp just right afterward. I moaned against her touches, pressing my body against hers as my eyes closed in pleasure. Everything felt so, so good now, even when Neural's other hand slipped under my skirt, playing around on my thighs. Not anywhere close to my most intimate places--and wasn't that a thought, that she would touch me there, but it still sent so much pleasure through my body.

The two of them continued talking, and I was certain that I was constantly being called and referenced to--and yet I wasn't able to focus back to the present. All I could do was moan and gasp, unable to grasp what was wrong with this scene.

--

Neural--no, it was Malory, when she wasn't wearing her mask. I was now staying in her house, she hadn't allowed me to go back to my place yet, and I had said yes, when it came down to it. We ended up sleeping in the same bed, and everyday felt wonderful.

It was, somehow, easy to forget about the future. About the situation between Malory and I, as well as Iconoclast when I was here. Whenever my eyes landed on Malory? I just couldn't think of anything else except for her, unable to ignore the call of my power that both called her a trusted ally and enemy, and yet only able to follow her wishes.

Something sounded wrong, when I listed it that way, but I couldn't see it. Right now I was finally elsewhere, though, what with Malory being busy in her own laboratory--experimenting and building something else for Iconoclast. She needed to build something new and useful for the gang, and there wasn't really any sort of deadline, not really. But she said that she had gained some ideas and wished to be left alone for a moment.

And that was why I was now in the bedroom, and having a crisis. Because I--I could have lived like this, before I woke up and felt very off in the base. But right now, this didn't feel a natural way our relationship would have become, not unless something had happened. I preferred to stay on my own, as despite however much I enjoy being with Malory--It didn't mean I wanted to be with her all the time.

And despite everything, I could recognize the way my brain never fought Malory, the way I didn't even seem to realize what was wrong the whole time I was with her. My power was outright screaming at me, and yet--I couldn't do anything about it. It didn't seem

important

, when Malory was smiling and touching me.

I tried to hold onto the feeling. Or maybe I should even go. Leave this place, and try to be the underling of another boss. I didn't think I could. No part of me seemingly wished to leave, and the thought of never seeing Malory again--it hurt me. Made my chest twist and pressure forming there, of tears forming at the edges of my eyes. This all still happened, despite the fact I knew she was part of whatever had happened to myself.

Iconoclast and Neural were both the key, and I knew there was no way I could do anything about my boss, not really. Not even if I was giving her everything I had. She was just better in manipulation than I did, with more resources to boot. So I should focus on Neural, on Malory who was supposed to be my friend, right?

Doubts entered my mind now, an insidious whisper that considering she didn't try to explain to me what had happened. She

took advantage

of me, turning my brain to putty everytime I even thought to try asking. Or maybe--she was just trying to do her best for me? My mind seemed convinced it was the latter, that I was the happiest I had ever been.

"Lynn?" Her voice was so sudden, I didn't even realize the door was opened. My power didn't give me a warning, with the suddenly opened enclosed space--it only chugged on now, reminding me again and again that she was both the enemy and my friend. Of someone who I thought wouldn't do anything to me, or at least, ones that I didn't approve of beforehand.

I jumped, tense and yet--with every step that made her closer to me, it also made me realize how much I trusted her. Malory was my friend, and I believed in her, right? And yet... "Why do I keep thinking of you as an enemy, Malory?" I couldn't help but ask her, a desperation to find out what was wrong. That I didn't think of her wrongly at all. "Can you tell me, please?"

My heart broke, as I looked the way Malory tensed, the way the wave of regret passed through her face, her body. She knew, and she didn't tell me at all. That seemed to hurt me more than anything else, beyond the way she had treated me, back in that room.

But her face solidified soon after, all before I could have recovered on my own. Feelings bubbled up within me, twisting and making everything so uncomfortable even though I should be

happy

with her.

She walked closer, and a soft buzz seemingly formed at the back of my mind. A whisper, one that told me that she was safe, and I didn't have to worry. It would be so, so easy to just nod and accept. I still tried to fight, to shake my head--but Malory was now in front of me. Her hand gently caressed my cheek, before slowly slipping down my neck and body. Touching me in the most possessive of way.

All to remind me that I was

hers

, somehow. That was wrong, no one

owned

me. The closest would be Iconoclast, and even then... No, I didn't think I could accept her as one. She was merely my boss, one I could leave from, even. And yet, my brain seemed to insist right now, that Malory was my most important and my Mistress and Owner.

"Ssh, you are making it harder for yourself." Malory was talking, telling me to just let myself sink into the buzzing at the back of my brain. It was the simpler move, to just close my eyes and follow the flow of the river. "Listen to me, to my voice."

Malory continued talking, and my eyes slowly slipped close. Her voice was smooth, so easy to pull me into its flow, until all I could think of was her, and only her. The worry beforehand, the fact I knew something was wrong--none of it seemed to matter anymore.

"Good girl." She whispered, and I shivered under her touch. Warmth easily pooled at the bottom of my stomach, my mouth drying upon the feeling, the realization of how much affection she held for me. Because her hand was gentle, despite the possessiveness. "I really don't want to meddle in your brain too much, but you are just too smart for me, sometimes."

There was a wry note, and I wanted to hold Malory, telling her that everything would be alright. Even though I knew what she wished to do was to break me further. That fact didn't seem too important.

Malory felt more important than myself.

"Let's go down." She whispered, her other hand jerking my hand downward--and I knew only oblivion afterward, my mind moving easily into trance.

--

I hummed, a half-remembered tune to a song I didn't even know. My movement was deft and quick as I wiped the window, looking at the outside world I haven't gone for quite a while already. It had been... weeks. My memories were far more slippery recently, and it made it hard to really hold onto anything concrete regarding time.

Far simpler to just let myself sink into the monotony of cleaning. Sweeping, mopping, dusting--even wiping the windows and the various crannies formed thanks to the furniture and decorations. Doing those were nice and simple, my thoughts easily growing fuzzy with every movement. Further and further down into trance, where everything Malory had told me, and then made me forget, would float up and sink down again.

Nothing was free from her touch. I couldn't even remember what exactly she told me--only that there were a lot of orders, ones I would only remember at the moment before it would sink again. The effects were clear, but I could never know which one would be it.

Was it the fact I wore the maid uniform? This one seemed the most off, the most obvious, so I dismissed it at the same time. I enjoyed cleaning up Malory's house too, after all, so wearing this had to be just an extension of that--especially considering the low-key excitement that constantly brewed in my stomach whenever I wore it. A thrill I never expected to have, and yet had right now, at this moment.

Maybe it was the fact I cleaned? That sounded wrong too. Cleanliness was just so important, and there was the issue of me, living in Malory's house. I didn't want to be a bad

guest

, not even able to do any basic chores to help the host of the house.

Nothing was wrong, and yet parts of my brain, my thoughts, insisted on it. That I needed to find Malory, that perhaps she would see what was wrong. Maybe she could make everything felt right again. I just wanted this to stop, for everything to made sense once more.

Going to Malory's laboratory was simple, the locks opening with a scan to my eyes, confirming who I was. She should be here right now, working on another one of her projects, ignoring and leaving me outside--it was nice for making me think, admittedly, but right now, I wanted her reassurance once more.

Malory was so good, never becoming angry no matter how many times I came to her about the same thing over and over again. Always ensuring I understood what was happening, and never pressured me to anything. Merely told me the truth, one I would easily etch into my thoughts. That, of course, naturally led to me giving her what she wanted, a reward for all the goodness she had done for me.

"Mistress..." Her name, her title easily slipped out of my mouth. She preferred that, instead of her name. I felt like I never called her anything like this before, but it didn't seem worth trying to fight her on this. Besides, I felt a thrill running inside my stomach whenever I said it, an excitement that seemingly built everytime I said it. "I need your help, please."

I tried to stay away from where she was working, of course. She was clear of where I could, and couldn't step on--as well as where I could disturb her. She sections in this room, where it would always be okay to disturb her on. Where I could never disturb her. I stayed within the confines of her rule, the desire to be a good guest continuing to curl up in my head without any sort of resistance.