This is my story and is also published elsewhere.
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"So what I'm saying is, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a bother on you the other day, and I certainly didn't intend to cause as much havoc as I did...I just...I'm sorry I don't even know your name so this is awkward. Sir, I would be honored if you would allow me the pleasure of being your loveslave or...live in maid...living furniture...I just need to be near you and show you my love. I...recognize this is rather sudden but since you broke up that little spat that Berserker and I were having the other day I realized that you're my heart and soul...and that my greatest joy could be found in serving you."
I stared mouth agape at the stunningly beautiful young woman before me. A short, lithe figure dressed and styled in goth apparel, with shining purple eyes and jet black hair. Her dress could be loosely described as clothing but more closely resembled a black lace lingerie bodysuit with strategically placed strips of fabric, wrapped in a leather corset that accentuated her spectacular curves. I knew whom she was, at least, from the news. They called her Madame Demonica. I'd met her before, only once, a couple days prior outside of a liquor store in Miami. I'd found her and another woman unconscious in an alley surrounded by broken glass from what looked like a whiskey bottle. Both of them had been bleeding from the ears and nose, and I'd taken them to medical care as quickly as I could as I knew an ambulance could take some time. I briefly considered it odd that she'd been released considering she likely had warrants out for her arrest, before remembering she likely hadn't been released at all.
"Sir...uhm...my beloved...master...I'm sorry can I ask your name? It would make this much less awkward. I'll be sure to observe honorifics if you wish but it would fill me with joy to know my beloved's name...if that would please you sir". She pleaded nervously, tripping over her own words. None of the confidently sexually powerful witch who blasted heros out of the sky and swayed men to war with the cleft of her breast and a lingering word, she behaved more like a nervous teen talking to her crush.
"Ty...my name is Ty. Uhm...could you explain to me...how you came to this conclusion? That you wanted to...serve me?" I asked nervously, running my hand through my hair and down the back of my neck. I honestly had no idea what was going on, let alone how to deal with it. I'm a sales rep for a liquor brand, not anyone who deals in superheroes or villains.At my acknowledgement of her words, her eyes lit up, I suspect either my name or the fact I wasn't outright rejecting her logic. She leaned forward, giving me a cheeky smile, and I suspect an intentionally tantalizing look at her exposed cleavage.
"Oh see that's simple, you see I'd stolen an item called the Dowry of Inanna from a rich collector's yacht, it was a gem created by one of the seven gods of creation to...well the technical term would be marry but it was more of a soul binding than marriage, basically to force the goddess Inanna to marry him. It's reality level magic, creation energy from the start of the universe, designed to enslave a god. An artifact like that could power my magic and keep me young and beautiful for...well I don't know exactly when the sun will burn out but sometime after that. Berserker, that ginger do-gooder bitch, saw me flying across the city and threw a bottle of whiskey at me. Seriously, who does that?" She paused to make sure that I was on her side in this matter, so I gave a sympathetic nod.
"Anyway, I can deflect things like that if I see them coming, but I wasn't expecting it and it hit me out of nowhere. I'm guessing I blacked out for a minute because next thing I know I'm falling towards the ground too fast to weave spellwork. Well the dumb bitch tried to catch me, like, falling me. Not that I'm not grateful, the pavement would've been much less soft. But essentially I landed in her arms, the dowry activated and blew us both apart, I was wed to the next person I saw, who happened to be the man who picked me up off the pavement and loaded me into his truck and took me to the hospital. Oh my god I never said thank you for that did I?!" She jumped from her chair looking as though she'd committed the worst crime imaginable. "I apologize Ty my love please feel free to punish me in any way you see fit...or allow me to make it up to you with my love and my devotion!" She begged, throwing herself at my feet. I jumped back slightly, causing her to wince as if struck by cold water.
"No no no you're okay. I'm sorry, I just...this is all very sudden. I went out last night to get white wine to make a sick friend chicken soup and now the world's most powerful criminal sorcerer is proclaiming her love to me from my couch. You have to understand that it's...jarring" I chuckled nervously. Looking at the flawless woman before me I felt every single flaw in my own body. Don't get me wrong I'm not ugly, just, not perfect. I'd like a better jawline, my hair though long got frizzy in the dry summer air. My teeth weren't perfectly white or perfectly straight. And lastly although I was tall and pretty muscular I much more resembled the term Dad Bod that Adonis. I was taller than average at 6β²4 but it mostly just made my already big form look even bigger. All of these things usually rested far from the forefront of my mind, but staring down at a woman who looks like she was sculpted out of clay to tempt god himself, well, a mirror is more unkind the longer you stare.