I only wanted to sleep. For the longest time, I could not muster the energy to move or get up. People texted me but I was too tired to respond.
[Ophie, you need to get out there again, plenty of fish in the sea, lmk if you wanna go clubbing. I got free bottle service ;)]
[He's an idiot for not appreciating you. I appreciate you. Call me]
[Hey girl, you okay? Haven't heard from you all week.]
[Ophelia, hope you're enjoying your requested the week off. A reminder I need you to cover the Saturday shift.]
Then I stumbled upon an app: Embrace your Eldritch Nature. It looked like a nice pastel tracing game of drawing rune symbols on my phone with a cute tentacle background image wiggling about. I downloaded it and played for a while till I was tired of that too. The thing with depression was, even the most interesting couldn't keep my attention for long, before I just wanted to crawl back into bed and nap again.
In my dreams, the tentacles came, a soft slick pulsing mass that moved across my back and shoulders, rubbing my muscles. I didn't even know I was sore. I thought I dreamt it.
When I woke up hours later, I felt a lot better. The first time I got up and showered in three days.
Hair still dripping but feeling much better, I opened the app again. The symbols were soothing, and with every completed pattern, I relaxed, tracing the lines as the colors changed and shifted. Each stoke sent a pleasant tingling sensation down my body.
Sitting on the couch, I kept staring at the app and moved my hand across the screen, letting the tingle extend through my arms, then neck, soothing me. I think I fell asleep again, dreaming of the same long ropes seeping from the cushion cracks between the couch, reaching for me, touching me with gentle rubs like how a mother would soothe a baby. It was nice to be embraced.
By the time I woke the next morning, I felt well enough to get dressed and seek food. My fridge was woefully empty. Slipping on my dress, I frowned, realizing the fit was different. I'd been a nice curvy 8, but the waist hung loose on my jeans and the chest was tight on my t-shirt. Strange. But my black hair looked good over my bronze skin and I chalked it up to the break-up diet of sleeping for four days.
Keys, wallet, check. I headed out the door to the grocery. Mrs. Muff next door grinned at me when I ran into her at the stairs.
She smiled, then added conspiratorially, "Good for you for getting back out there and getting a new boyfriend. I always thought you were too good for that last bastard, anyway."
"Sorry what?"
"Just keep it down at night. The walls are thin." She winked before going on her way and I gaped at her, confused. But then again, old people were often odd.
Practically skipping down the steps, the grocery store was a blur. I kept on opening the app, tracing my finger over the good feelings that came with each threaded line. The sparkle upon a symbol's completion seemed to make my toes tingle, and it felt so good.
Fruit, oatmeal, bread, cheese, deli meat. I was half paying attention to my shopping and half wanted to go home and play my game in peace. It was odd to play the game outdoors. Eyes seemed to watch my every move, making my skin hot.
At the checkout, I bounced on my heels, waiting for my turn.
"You'd think they'd open up another line." A man said next to me.
I smirked a sympathetic, "Yeah."
"But I guess it isn't too bad if I get a moment to chat with you." He flashed a row of pearly whites.
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I'm doing a bad job of hitting on a hot girl." He blushed, dipping his head, and I did the same. Days ago I would've killed for someone like him to notice me: friendly smile, well dressed, nice shoes and an expensive-looking watch on his wrist but...
"Ah sorry, I, umm, I have plans." And I don't know why I said that, nor the next sentence out of my mouth. "But if you pay for my groceries, I'll give you my number." There's no way.
"Sure, I'd be honored." Fell out of his mouth and it took me a minute for me to reconcile what happened. We made small talk for the next few minutes and by the time he 'checked me out' he looked smitten and I felt strangely confident.
The tingle in my hand told me I should get home to my App. I snuck a few more patterns on my way home, each movement making my heart jitter like a shot of coffee, and my thighs ached with pressure.
Finally, back in my uncomfortably warm apartment. I dumped my groceries on the counter, shed my clothes, grabbed my phone, and headed right for the bedroom.
My fingers moved, tracing the triangle shape on the phone, making warm heat spread from my core. A line up and down stroked my muscles like a gentle hand was moving up and down my arm. A circle, oh the circles were the best, tangling my nerves. I leaned back into my pillow, wanting more pressure as the gentle rumble traced across my body, a buzz that extended from the back of my spine down across my shoulders, arms and back.
Another symbol completed, and the sensations subsided. Disappointed, I looked at the screen, seeking the next prompt, but it didn't pop up like it normally would. The screen flashed, turning darker.
