Edwina, the Magic Dwarf
Summary:
A man encounters an allegedly magic dwarf in the forest
The last thing you expect, when you are walking in the woods with your dog, is to meet a dwarf. And yet that is exactly what happened to Sean while he was walking his dog in the woods. Not a mythical dwarf mind you, but a little person, someone with actual dwarfism, though don't say 'midget', that's like the n-word for them.
It was so out-of-the-blue, to see someone in the distance, whom you think at first might be a child walking their tiny dog, but then when you get close, you realize it's actually a dwarf. And a lady dwarf at that. Sean had never seen a dwarf in person. He stopped in his tracks, and felt he had to say something. I mean it's not everyday you see a dwarf, but then he realized she must see regular-sized people all the time, so this isn't weird for her at all, it's weird for him. He should have just said, "hello" and kept on walking, but he was so utterly and completely shocked that he just stood there.
"You know," she said, "when you meet a dwarf for the first time, you are supposed to bow majestically and offer them a token amount of money so they don't steal your baby."
Sean snapped back into reality.
"What?" He suddenly realized. "Oh my God, I am so sorry, I mean, hello." And he started to bow over-dramatically "I don't have my wallet on me though..."
She giggled. "Well, do you have a baby I can steal, or can I just take this big ball of fur home with me?"
She strode up confidently to Sean's St. Bernard. They were almost eye level. Her little miniature greyhound sniffed curiously around Sean's dog.
"Does your dog have a name?" she asked.
"Uh, her name is Victoria." Sean stammered out.
"Hello Victoria," she cooed, " And she gave her great scratches under the neck, which Victoria enjoyed immensely. Edwina (that was her name) started working the neck and under the jaw with two hands now which made Victoria even happier.
"I don't suppose you'd let me ride her?" Edwina asked.
"What?" Sean was still trying to make sense of all this.
"I'm just kidding," Edwina said. "So...do you have a name?"
"Uh yes,"Sean stammered. "It's Sean." He held out his hand to her. "What's your name?"
Edwina shook his hand firmly. "I'm Edwina!" she said proudly. "Edwina the magic dwarf!"
"What?" Sean asked. "I thought you said you weren't magical!"
"I never said that!" Edwina rebutted. "I just said you were supposed to bow and offer me money or your children! Plus, if I wasn't magical...then how could I do this!"
Edwina produced a playing card, out of thin air apparently
"Whoa!" Sean said. "So you're a magician?!"
"Magician, mystic, and mistress of the dark hypnotic arts!" And Edwina bowed majestically "Edwina the Magic Dwarf at your service, good sir! Shall we walk?"
Sean was awfully amused by this display. "Only if you do a nothing trick for me!"
"Illusions Sean! Illusions! Tricks are for whores!" And with that she made the card disappear again.
Sean applauded. "Bravo."
And so Sean, Edwina, Victoria and Matteo (that was Edwina's dog's name) went for a stroll in the woods together on a lovely fall afternoon.
Sean begrudgingly told Edwina about his boring life. IT stuff. Boring And soon he began peppering Edwina with questions about her life, which sounded a hundred times more interesting.
The basic facts were thus: She was staying on Vashon with friends for she was doing a show in Seattle. She'd been doing magic, mysticism and hypnosis for as long as she could remember. Her parents were both circus folks and little like her. She grew up around the circus and enjoyed the showbiz life. She worked a lot in Nevada at the casinos, did a lot of state fairs, and very often she would take special bookings, for private shows that catered to the whims of the hosts.
Sean looked at her sideways. "What kind of private shows?" he asked.
She looked back at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Have you ever heard of a 'court dwarf'?" she asked, knowing the answer she would get.
"Ummm...is that dwarf involved in jurisprudence?" He responded. Okay, she wasn't expecting that answer.
"No...you idiot!" she joked. "In yore times, dwarves were often revered by royalty and the wealthy, though not always. They were thought to bring good luck, raise the stature of their 'owners' and quite possibly have magical powers, as so many fairy tales have described. Sometimes they were seen as desirable sex partners. There is a graveyard of dwarves in China that is called, "The Graveyard of the Desirous Sex Monsters. I'm going to be that on my gravestone for sure."
She continued.
"At some of these private parties, I am hired as, more-or-less as a court dwarf."
"That sounds a little....demeaning." he said.
"On the contrary," she countered. "It's when I am held in the highest esteem. People bow and scrape at me, beg me to give them good fortune, and witness my magical powers."
"So you do tricks...I'm sorry 'illusions' for them?" Sean asked.
"Some but not card tricks...here I'll bring out the big guns, fire and danger." She stopped walking and turned to face him. "But the big draw is when I start enchanting people and make them do the bidding of the host. That's the real magic."
"For real?" Sean asked.
"Absolutely," said Edwina. "I mean picture this...picture me, dressed up like a cross between a queen and a sorceress..and everyone hangs on my every word....I mean...I can just command a room...Some people are hypnotized by just the sight of me. The shock of seeing someone like me and dressed and made up the way I am...I just have to gesture at them dramatically and command them: "SLEEP!" And they go right down. Sometimes I'll get up on a table and just walk down the line putting people under one by one as I pass by them."
Edwina climbed up on a fallen log and stared demonstrating her mass hypnosis. As she walked the length of it she turned to each invisible member of the party and issued the command to sleep with a wave of her hand.
"That's...that's incredible." said Sean. "Why does it work?"
"Power of suggestion," replied Edwina. "Once I'm able to entrance a few people, there becomes this social expectation to fall in trance and generally everyone succumbs eventually."
"What about the people who don't? Do you just leave them be?"
Finally, the question Edwina was waiting for.
"Oh for them I have to work a little harder. Here let me demonstrate."
Sean took a few steps backwards.
"Oh, hey," he said. "I don't know if I want to be hypnotized."
"Oh don't be such a baby," Edwina said. "You asked what I do and now I am honor bound by the dwarvin code of mystics to show you."
"You just made that up!" Sean protested.
"Maybe." said Edwina, "But we are deep in the woods, do you want me to summon the other spirits of the forest to do my bidding, the elves, the pixies, the dryads...wait is that right? What are tree spirits called?"
"Dryads is right I think." Sean added helpfully.
"The Dryads!" Edwina continued. "They will all come to my aid and subdue you mortal, for once you fall under my hypnotic spell, you will be mine forever! Mine to command! My helpless puppet!"
Okay, now Sean was laughing.
"Fine, fine," he said. "i'll let you show me. But don't get mad if it doesn't work."
"I won't," said Edwina, "But promise you won't get mad if it does work and I make you sexy magician's assistant for the evening!"