"Seriously, can we just go? I can tell everyone I have to work tomorrow," I said.
"No," my wife, Karen, replied, "that's a lie, I'm having fun, you OWE me this, Louis."
If we weren't surrounded by her friends in the living room of someone else's house I'd have given her a piece of my mind. I took her by the arm and was about to lead her towards the door when Jill, her obnoxious best friend, tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, don't run off so soon, Lou, we have a bet. Remember?"
"What, seriously?" I said, not amused. Jill was one of those experts on all manner of spiritual pseudosciences, and when I made the mistake of mentioning I wanted to quit smoking she insisted she could hypnotize me and make me quit. "I don't remember anything about a bet, and we were just leaving, so..."
"OK, let's pretend it's not obvious you're bullying your wife because for once in the last couple years you're doing something SHE wants instead of what you two usually do, which is watch movies about gay sailors or something..."
"British naval history is NOT about..."
"Yeah yeah yeah OK, here's the bet: I take five minutes to try and put you under, you give me five minutes of cooperation. If I don't make any headway, then you reveal me as a fraud and you can go home victorious. If I do get you under, then, well...hmmm..."
"OK, let's do this," I said, making my way to the couch and sitting down. Five minutes was a small price to pay for shutting Jill up about something for once. Karen made to object but Jill whispered something in her ear, which made Karen smile and giggle a little. I don't know what she had to laugh about but it was about to be over quick.
Jill pulled up a chair and sat across from me. "Close your eyes," she said, "and start counting down from 100. Doesn't have to be out loud, just to yourself. I'm going to keep talking while you do. Don't try too hard to listen, just let whatever I'm saying be white noise while you count." I did what she said and started counting down to myself. I considered only pretending to cooperate only to reveal myself when she thought she had me under, but I wanted to prove her wrong legitimately. Besides, I had to admit I liked the way she sounded when she was using her 'trance' voice. Softer, deeper, not nearly as irritating as usual.
"..two, one, zero." I finished counting and opened my eyes since she wasn't talking anymore. I realized I couldn't remember when she stopped talking, or even what she had said when she was. Unsurprising, I said to myself, since tuning out people I don't like is kind of a specialty of mine. I looked around and saw we had an audience of partygoers looking at Jill and I expectantly. Damn, I thought: most of the guests were Jill's friends, silly women like her and their hippie boyfriends. If I knew there was going to be this much attention I wouldn't have done it. Oh well, I thought, at least I have an audience to properly shame my 'hypnotist.' "So, now what? You slip me a 20 so I agree to pretend that worked?"
"I can't afford $20 for that, Louis, my crystal and incense budget for the month is spent already." I chuckled at that, I'll admit. "So, I'm just going to have to hope this worked. So, um, are you hypnotized?"
"No."
"Just a little?"
"Sorry, no."
"Hmm..." she said. "Well, I notice you're not standing up, are you? In fact, you are quite stuck to your..." I immediately got to my feet. "And, ladies," Jill said, "that is how you make a man do what you want. Just make it seem like it's HIS idea." Everyone laughed at that one. I got annoyed at being the butt of a not very clever joke, but smiled anyways.
"OK, good one. But you obviously did NOT put me under, so I think I win this game. Karen, we're leaving. Jill, where did you put our coats?"