I called an Uber and we waited, both of us a bit nervous. The way we were dressed, small talk was out of the question.
When the car got there, a full-size Tahoe I was happy to see, we climbed into the back seat and I gave the address, nothing more.
She held my hand as we rode.
She giggled a little and whispered, "not even a hint."
I patted her knee and said, "hush wench."
I paid the tab, added a generous tip since I was feeling jazzed up, and we went in.
As I had been, she was obviously overwhelmed by the sheer redness of the place.
She looked around, her lips parted.
"Ummmmmmmmm," she said, "what is this place."
I held out my hand and we went to the hostess station. This time it was manned, well, womanned, by an immensely fat woman, her breasts, heavily tattooed with nipple rings, exposed.
"Reservation for Morgan," I said.
She checked her list and did something on her desk.
"One second," she said in a delightfully musical voice.
The redhead who came to lead us was dressed in nothing but a leather harness. I tried to picture how long it took her to get that all on, about a dozen straps were all it was, with a small leather patch barely covering her obviously shaved pussy and two straps lifting her small breasts.
"Right this way," she said.
Ridiculously high stiletto heels enhanced her walk and I couldn't help enjoying her ass as she walked.
Arlene grabbed my arm and leaned close and whispered, "eyes back in your head honey."
I chuckled and said, "your ass is much better."
She giggled at that.
The redhead led us through the short hallway and parted the curtains into the main room.
I couldn't help but stop and just look, taking it all in.
I looked at Arlene and her eyes were shiny as she slowly looked around the room.
It was pure sex on display.
At that table a man who had to be in his 70s was casually popping bites of food into the mouth of a hugely fat girl, I say girl advisedly. I assumed she was legal, who knelt at his side dressed in nothing but a collar.
At that table, a woman, perfectly normal-looking, matronly, in her 40s or maybe 50s, talked casually across the table to another woman, this one about 20 and striking, while a man whose face said he was in his 30s but whose small cock and undescended scrotum suggested he had never achieved puberty, rubbed her back. The 20-year-old had a man, possibly in his 50s, with his head buried between her legs. I wondered if they hadn't traded.
It was like that all across the room. In virtually every case one half of the couple was in some stage of undress.
"Happy to see you, Mr. Morgan," she said and I jumped a little.
When I turned Madame Victoria was standing there, smiling up at me. She was really a small woman although her, well, her "presence" suggested someone much bigger.
I smiled.
"All I can say right now is 'wow," I said.
She smiled and said, "aren't you going to introduce me?"
I chuckled and said, "sorry, I forgot my manners."
I turned and took Arlene's hand, pulling her forward a little.
"Arlene," I said, "this is Madame Victoria, the proprietor of this establishment. Madame Victoria, may I present Arlene, my wife."
Victoria looked her up and down and turned to me.
"David," she said, "we do have some standards here and she is really terribly overdressed."
I grinned and said, "It's our first time here, please forgive our ignorance."
"Oh," she said, "no forgiveness necessary, just please correct your error."
Arlene had been watching this exchange and her eyes got big when I crooked my finger, beckoning her.
She came.
I reached down and unbuttoned the skirt and pulled it off of her.
"I'll take that," Victoria said, holding out her hand.
I handed her the skirt.
"You'll find it at the coatroom dear, just mention your name," she said.
She looked Arlene up and down.
"And might I say, dear," she said, speaking to Arlene for the first time, "that you look stunning. I hope you enjoy yourself."
And with that, she turned and was gone.
Arlene was standing kind of slump-shouldered.
"Stop it," I said, "head up and look proud. I don't want to be seen with some shrinking violet."
She took a deep breath, straightened her back, and head high said, "as you wish."
I grinned.
The redhead said, "come with me please."
I won't deny that I enjoyed the looks Arlene drew as we made our way to our table.
I was the gentleman, holding her chair to seat her and then sitting across the table from her.
Her eyes were shiny and her lips were parted a little, a thin thread of saliva connecting them.
She was flushed.
I watched her watching the room. It was interesting to see where she would focus.
About three tables away an old man, I guessed easily in his 70s, was being tended to a skinny girl. She was so thin her breasts were just small buds, but, again, I remembered the things I had read. The Club's write-up blurb had said, in all caps and boldface - ID IS CHECKED IF YOU ARE UNDER 50! Regardless, she had the tiniest buds on display since all she wore was a tiny thong barely covering her pussy.
She was constantly feeding him and wiping his mouth gently with a napkin.
On the other side of the table, a young man, I guessed him in his 20s, was being similarly tended by a woman who had to be 80, one of those women who had obviously lost every fat cell after menopause, dressed as the young girl in only a thong. Her breasts, barely flaps of skin with long dark nipples that actually sagged from their own weight, were on display as were her ribs. The biggest thing on her legs were her knees and on her arms were her elbows.
All in all, the tableau made me wonder about a family relationship.
"Close your mouth," I said to Arlene.
She giggled and blushed.
"So," I said, leaning across the table and touching her hand, "how do you like my new favorite restaurant."
She smiled and said, "well, I'm kind of overwhelmed."
And it was overwhelming.
The music, playing softly, wasn't elevator muzak but, rather, a pleasant blend of what I think of as "torch songs," played at a level to allow conversation.
Peggy Lee did her incomparable version of "Fever" followed by Julie London's "Cry Me A River."
A waitress came in due course, introducing herself as "Bambi." She was a vision in red, red hair, a tightly trimmed red bush, and red leather lifting heavy breasts and an ass that almost rivaled Arlene's.
I ordered drinks, beer for me, and a screwdriver for Arlene and said we would order dinner later.
There were a few couples on the dance floor and I couldn't resist.
I stood and offered my hand.
She looked up at me with a bit of that deer-in-the-headlights look but then stood, threw her shoulders back, lifted her head high and said, "Okay Man of the House, show me off."
As we walked to the dance floor I thought I detected a bit of extra sway in her hips.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I asked, taking her into my arms and stepping off into a nice box step to Elvis Presley doing "I Can't Help Falling In Love."
She leaned in, cheek to cheek, and whispered, "it's exciting, yes."
I nuzzled her neck and patted her ass and said, simply, "good."
We finished the dance and headed back to our table.
Bambi was back and we ordered, a petit filet for her and the sirloin and crab legs surf-n-turf for me.
We continued people watching as we ate our salads and then dinner which was excellent.
I was surprised by the number of clearly dominant women who had their men in collars. This went against what I had been learning about a woman's naturally submissive nature.
So I asked Arlene what she thought.
It was interesting watching that serious little thought line form between her eyebrows, making a wonderful contrast to her breasts which were trying to escape.
"Welllllllllllll," she said, drawing out the consonant, and I could see that for a moment at least she had forgotten her state of dress (or undress), "we might just ask someone."
"Hmmmmmmmm," I replied, "and who did you have in mind."
She grinned and nodded at another table.
The woman at the table was striking with her white hair done in a short cut, almost a simple boy's cut. She was dressed in a form-fitting classic little black dress, long and tight, showing that she was a small-breasted woman who probably did pilates or some sort of martial arts several times a week. All that was on display were her hands and her face. She had the look of fitness to her.
Across from her sat a man, I assumed he was her husband, naked except for the collar, what I later learned was a posture collar, a wide black thing with a small, very sharp spike the fit under his chin forcing him to retain a head-back posture or stab himself. He was a big man run to fat.
I watched, fascinated, as she would take a bite from her salad and then offer him a forkful of pie from the full cream pie that sat before him.
His hands, I realized as I looked closer, were shackled in bright chrome handcuffs to the cage that held his cock to a small bump.
I guess I was being obvious because she looked over, caught my eye, and made a brief toast motion with her glass and I returned it.
Our eyes met and she smiled. It was a very nice smile.
She gestured with her glass to one of the empty chairs at her four top and I held up my finger in a "one minute gesture."
She smiled again and nodded and forked another bite of the pie into the man's mouth.
I turned my attention back to Arlene and said, "I think we're about to find out."
"God, David," she said, "he looks so happy. Is that my future?"
I chuckled and said, "well, women ARE supposed to be soft and round."
She giggled at that and said, "no more dieting for me then?"
I grinned and said, "I hadn't thought about it, but that is a benefit of this lifestyle."
She smiled wanly and said, "God, you know if I don't watch it I can become a blimp in no time."
"Then you and he," I said, nodding my head at the table we had been talking about, "will make an interesting couple while the ice queen there and I watch."