I called an Uber and we waited, both of us a bit nervous. The way we were dressed, small talk was out of the question.
When the car got there, a full-size Tahoe I was happy to see, we climbed into the back seat and I gave the address, nothing more.
She held my hand as we rode.
She giggled a little and whispered, "not even a hint."
I patted her knee and said, "hush wench."
I paid the tab, added a generous tip since I was feeling jazzed up, and we went in.
As I had been, she was obviously overwhelmed by the sheer redness of the place.
She looked around, her lips parted.
"Ummmmmmmmm," she said, "what is this place."
I held out my hand and we went to the hostess station. This time it was manned, well, womanned, by an immensely fat woman, her breasts, heavily tattooed with nipple rings, exposed.
"Reservation for Morgan," I said.
She checked her list and did something on her desk.
"One second," she said in a delightfully musical voice.
The redhead who came to lead us was dressed in nothing but a leather harness. I tried to picture how long it took her to get that all on, about a dozen straps were all it was, with a small leather patch barely covering her obviously shaved pussy and two straps lifting her small breasts.
"Right this way," she said.
Ridiculously high stiletto heels enhanced her walk and I couldn't help enjoying her ass as she walked.
Arlene grabbed my arm and leaned close and whispered, "eyes back in your head honey."
I chuckled and said, "your ass is much better."
She giggled at that.
The redhead led us through the short hallway and parted the curtains into the main room.
I couldn't help but stop and just look, taking it all in.
I looked at Arlene and her eyes were shiny as she slowly looked around the room.
It was pure sex on display.
At that table a man who had to be in his 70s was casually popping bites of food into the mouth of a hugely fat girl, I say girl advisedly. I assumed she was legal, who knelt at his side dressed in nothing but a collar.
At that table, a woman, perfectly normal-looking, matronly, in her 40s or maybe 50s, talked casually across the table to another woman, this one about 20 and striking, while a man whose face said he was in his 30s but whose small cock and undescended scrotum suggested he had never achieved puberty, rubbed her back. The 20-year-old had a man, possibly in his 50s, with his head buried between her legs. I wondered if they hadn't traded.
It was like that all across the room. In virtually every case one half of the couple was in some stage of undress.
"Happy to see you, Mr. Morgan," she said and I jumped a little.
When I turned Madame Victoria was standing there, smiling up at me. She was really a small woman although her, well, her "presence" suggested someone much bigger.
I smiled.
"All I can say right now is 'wow," I said.
She smiled and said, "aren't you going to introduce me?"
I chuckled and said, "sorry, I forgot my manners."
I turned and took Arlene's hand, pulling her forward a little.
"Arlene," I said, "this is Madame Victoria, the proprietor of this establishment. Madame Victoria, may I present Arlene, my wife."
Victoria looked her up and down and turned to me.
"David," she said, "we do have some standards here and she is really terribly overdressed."
I grinned and said, "It's our first time here, please forgive our ignorance."
"Oh," she said, "no forgiveness necessary, just please correct your error."
Arlene had been watching this exchange and her eyes got big when I crooked my finger, beckoning her.
She came.
I reached down and unbuttoned the skirt and pulled it off of her.
"I'll take that," Victoria said, holding out her hand.
I handed her the skirt.
"You'll find it at the coatroom dear, just mention your name," she said.
She looked Arlene up and down.
"And might I say, dear," she said, speaking to Arlene for the first time, "that you look stunning. I hope you enjoy yourself."
And with that, she turned and was gone.
Arlene was standing kind of slump-shouldered.
"Stop it," I said, "head up and look proud. I don't want to be seen with some shrinking violet."
She took a deep breath, straightened her back, and head high said, "as you wish."
I grinned.
The redhead said, "come with me please."
I won't deny that I enjoyed the looks Arlene drew as we made our way to our table.
I was the gentleman, holding her chair to seat her and then sitting across the table from her.
Her eyes were shiny and her lips were parted a little, a thin thread of saliva connecting them.
She was flushed.
I watched her watching the room. It was interesting to see where she would focus.
About three tables away an old man, I guessed easily in his 70s, was being tended to a skinny girl. She was so thin her breasts were just small buds, but, again, I remembered the things I had read. The Club's write-up blurb had said, in all caps and boldface - ID IS CHECKED IF YOU ARE UNDER 50! Regardless, she had the tiniest buds on display since all she wore was a tiny thong barely covering her pussy.
She was constantly feeding him and wiping his mouth gently with a napkin.
On the other side of the table, a young man, I guessed him in his 20s, was being similarly tended by a woman who had to be 80, one of those women who had obviously lost every fat cell after menopause, dressed as the young girl in only a thong. Her breasts, barely flaps of skin with long dark nipples that actually sagged from their own weight, were on display as were her ribs. The biggest thing on her legs were her knees and on her arms were her elbows.
All in all, the tableau made me wonder about a family relationship.
"Close your mouth," I said to Arlene.
She giggled and blushed.
"So," I said, leaning across the table and touching her hand, "how do you like my new favorite restaurant."
She smiled and said, "well, I'm kind of overwhelmed."
And it was overwhelming.
The music, playing softly, wasn't elevator muzak but, rather, a pleasant blend of what I think of as "torch songs," played at a level to allow conversation.