Diaries of a Dar Princess

16

th

Day of Moonfall, Year 879 of the Age of Shadow,

Dear Diary,

Things have been- there has been- I-

I have achieved a great victory, diary. A

great victory!

An explanation is best required. After making my grand realisation I decided to share it with my most trusted servant. I lay cuddled up against my warm, nimble-tongued minion as I explained my plan to her.

It was not met with what I felt to be the

appropriate

degree of enthusiasm.

"Do you really think it's a good idea?" she asked, idly flicking my nipple.

"Dear Shadra, you have opened my eyes up to the wonders of pleasure..."

"Thank you, oh Mistress. It is something I've wanted-"

"And also to its

strategic possibilities

. Why, look at me now! Cuddling up to a mere minion, my mind full of fuzzy warm

feelings

the like of which I've never experienced!"

"I feel the same-"

"Obviously we must weaponize this- immediately! I have been thwarted for too long by that brutish backwater bumpkin of a hero. There is only one way to win his heart and mind and that is to conquer it- through his genitals!!"

"Is...is that why you're doing it?"

"Obviously that is the only reason! It is a cold and efficient calculation- nothing more. W-what other reason would I have for submitting myself to his- his crude carnal attentions?"

"Really." Her insolent tone was accompanied by a claw trailing across my flank, which distracted me sufficiently that I decided to let the issue pass-

(See? See? Such a hopelessly hysterical hypocrite, my little kitten!)

She continued, "Mistress, Samuel has bedded so very many ladies. So many, and each of them he left satisfied," she licked her lips, eyes distant, "beyond any mortal understanding..."

"Oh, so you've been listening in on the stories he tells me?"

"W- yes," she said, looking away. "That's it. The stories."

"Well," I said. "Be not afraid, my fearful little kitten! Even if the stories he tells are true- and let us be honest, there must be only a tiny teeny kernel of truth buried under his pointless peasant posing- it is important to remember that his conquests are almost entirely the low folk."

"Low folk," Shadra said uncertainly.

"Oh, you know. Peasants. Farmer's daughters. Innkeeper's wives. Bandit strumpets posing as princesses. That sort of thing." I lay back, smile certain. "Whereas

I

am an Imperial Princess. Singular of will and composed utterly in my purpose. No, give me but a few days and I shall enslave him to my whims and turn him into my instrument. Do not fret, Shadra. Do not worry your pretty little head. I shall make it all well."

Shadra was silent for a while. Then at last she said, "I think you should do it then."

"Really?"

"Oh yes. I think it would be good for you. If fact I would very much like to watch."

I lay my head against her small, firm breasts and smiled. Ah! Dear Shadra! Always so loyal! I was so lucky to have her as my lov- fri- servant!

***

I slept a dreamless sleep and woke to find myself pleasantly entangled in Shadra's embrace. I rose and set about contemplating the best way to gain the oversexed oaf's attention. I supposed it would be an easy enough task, what with his tendencies to rut anything that so much as twitched, but the real challenge would be to make sure that he was unaware of any ulterior motive. Yes, he was simple (to understate matters horribly) but even

he

might become suspicious at any sudden change of heart on my part. No, the only way to be

really

sure would be to make him believe that he had somehow managed to seduce me; that it was he, not I, that was in control.

It would be difficult, but I believed that I could persuade him.

Ah! I sounded so sure of myself with my grand and clever plans but the truth was... I ached with a strange uncertainty. I had only to close my eyes and concentrate to see it once more- that purely perfect phallus that haunted my dreams ever since I dared him to reveal it! The- the

relief

that Shadra had brought me was a sweet and glorious thing but its effects were already fading, replaced by that strange hunger that had already began to infect my otherwise clear and concise thoughts. Well, damn the subtle spell that his tauntingly perfect todger had woven over me and damn him! I would prove to be his superior- at strategy, at cunning, and at erotic play!

It was this vow that I walked through the halls of the place to see the triumph- yes triumph- of my (so called) younger half sister. It had been a close-run thing in the end- Prince Strengen apparently attempted some sort of rescue mission involving a griffin he had managed to tame in the space of an hour and a sword he found in some grey-skulled castle, cutting through a dozen of our elite guards before being tossed to his death-

(Almost certain death)

(Probable death)

(Maybe)

(eh, no-one believes it for a second)

Needless to say capturing the pretty and precious princess had been something of a boon to my sister's reputation, as had thwarting her bullish brother's efforts to release her from our grasp. And so she strode in at the head of the column, wearing a dark red and black gown that clung to her body with a slinky confidence. Her blonde hair was wound around her head in the unmistakable echo of a crown. She was surrounded by a nimbus of dark power that seemed to throb with smug, self-righteous satisfaction. Behind her came her surviving cadre of dread imperial dark knights, men and beastmen in two armoured columns bristling with weapons. And in between them, bound in chains, was the Princess of Light.

She was so much shorter than I pictured.

Shorter than myself; shorter than Terra; shorter even than Shadra. She as slender as well, so that the end effect was to make her seem almost child-like- fragile and innocent. There was nothing childlike in her posture, however; her cheeks were dry and her back was stiff as she was led before Daddy. The strange blend of fragility and strength intrigued me and I briefly wondered how she would look kneeling, her eyes brimming with hopeless despair, her slim body naked before me-

(No, I'm not sure why I've been having these weird intrusive thoughts lately. I blame Samuel. And Shadra. This is definitely a result of their bad influence, rather than any sort of predisposition towards lewdity on my part.)

At any rate, the captured princess was brought before Daddy. Terra practically floated as she spoke. "Oh Dark Emperor! I am pleased to announce the Princess Hopestra!" She clasped her hands together. "As promised."

"Excellent," Daddy rumbled atop his throne. "You have done well, my daughter. A worthy start to our invasion and the subjugation of the cursed alliance."

"Monsters!" Hipestra retorted, her eyes flashing with defiance. "You will never prevail against your forces! Why, even now my brother seeks to free me!"

"Your bother has already fallen to his doom!" cackled Tara. "His death was a sweet thing to watch."

I gave as happy sigh as Princess Hopestra proudly proclaimed how her brother must have survived, he would never abandon her, etc. etc. etc.. Dealing with Samuel was- well, it could be oddly refreshing at times. But there really wasn't any sort of replacement for good old-fashioned banter with a

professional

.

"Silence," Daddy intoned. "Your pathetic rantings are of no consequence. Soon, our grant corrupting ritual will corrupt your so-called 'sacred light' and use your very power to doom your people! Bwaha-"

And that's when it all went wrong.

Little Miss Sunshine suddenly

glowed

, her hair flowing out around her like a halo as a pulse of light surged from her body. I was lucky enough to be looking away as the blinding, searing radiance lashed out at our gathering. Our beastmen elite knights dropped to their knees, howling in agony. Terra shrieked and cowered. And Daddy-

Daddy crumpled into his throne, an awful wheeze escaping his lips. His head lolled and for a heartbeat a terrible fear filled my heart as he shivered in his ebon armour-

My hands were already moving, the words of the spell already on my tongue. The shining girl suddenly dimmed, stumbling and collapsing to the floor. She looked at me in horror.

It just goes to show, diary. All that study on the corrupting ritual turned out to be handy after all.

After that there was nothing else to do but strut forward, my hips swaying as I approached the stricken girl. She stared up at me in horror. "How- why?"

I laughed, my voice ringing through the halls. "Why hello, my dear Princess! My name is Feera, and it is a pleasure," I was delighted at the way she shivered at my name, "to see you. I do hope that we can be such good friends!"

She stared up at me, her robes all a flutter, hope dying in her eyes.

Yes. Yes, it was a rather good look, actually. Very...pleasing. Which is what caused me to say what I said next. "I would very much like to be involved- responsible, actually- for the breaking of this pretty little thing before the great ritual. You don't mind, do you, oh Father?"

I turned back to see Daddy already sitting astride his throne as though nothing untoward had happened. There was only the slightest tremble in his voice as he said, "Do with her as you will."

Oh, Daddy. Thank you so much for your very generous, very

precise

words there.

I turned and walked slowly over to Terra. She was still struggling to her feet, her pale skin an angry shade of red and her breaths coming out in pained pants. I reached down with one hand. "Can I help you, dear sister?"

She looked up at me and the shock of angry humiliation in her eyes was- was-

Well, now that I think about it, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as one might think. There was a- a stab of something in my gut at the exact moment I met her pained eyes; some strange reaction that I cannot fathom. As I helped her to her feet she hissed, "Do you really think that you have taken my prize from me?"

"I think that Family Should Share," I said. "And don't think for a moment that this detracts from your great victory."

Her eyes boiled with rage even as she winced. "I will find a way to make you pay for this treachery, you two-faced hag!"

For all that I was entirely used to her empty curses- she had been threatening me since she could talk- I suffered a shocking jolt to my heart and my mind flashed to that idiot peasant grinning in his cell. I managed to keep my face composed as I shrugged and turned away, bowing. "Princess Hopestra should be contained, oh Great and Powerful Emperor," I said. "So there is no longer any need for me. If you need me I shall be studying."

And with that I walked out of the room.

***

I reached Samuel's cell door to find Shadra waiting for me. For once she looked- well, she looked presentable. Smart. Her eyes though... they seemed to gleam with a naughty sort of warmth that made my stomach clench with nervous anticipation. I asked, "And how is the prisoner?"

"I have brought him his meal and little else," she replied. "I wanted him to be ready for you. Are you sure you don't need my help?"

I shook my head. "If he is too distracted by other girls- even a plain girl such as yourself- then this scheme might all go awry. No, the burden of this plan falls upon me and me alone."

She paused. "I- I will be outside if you need my help. Just- just scream and I will come running."

"Please stop fretting, my little worrisome kitten! When all is said and done, he is the prisoner- not we." And with that I turned and moved to open the door.

And stopped.

"Are you sure-"

"I am perfectly alright!" I snapped. "I- I am merely considering my best strategy! I am not simply going to walk in there and leap on him, you know! I must subtly persuade him to think that I am interested in him, while maintaining the equally important fiction that he must strive to seduce me! It is a delicate matter! D- delicate!"

"Alright."

"I am not afraid of him!"

"I never said-"

"Oh, shush!" I took a deep breath and opened the door and stepped through...

Well at least he was wearing his shirt.

"Well hello Miss Feera! I was just thinking about you!" He rose from his seat and I took an involuntary step back- why had I given him such a tiny cell? He filled it up with his muscles and his smile and his musky odour until it seemed certain that to step forward would be to fall into him. I looked at the stool on which I typically sat. I could surely sit on a stool! Dark Princesses often conquer stools without fear of heroic entanglements!

I claimed the stool, thus achieving my first victory. I studied him again. How the hell had he managed to stay so hearty and tanned and muscular in the depths of the deepest cell in all of the Dark Empire? What was Shadra feeding him? He just smiled like he hadn't spent the last nine days awaiting his doom. "That there is a rather pretty dress, if you don't mind me saying so!"

"Oh, this?" I laughed, "Oh, this is just a little thing that I threw on. Did you like it?"

You will be shocked to learn, diary, that it wasn't something I'd just thrown on. No, this dark red gown that started at a point well below my collarbone, that displayed my naked shoulders and plunging pale cleavage to great effect, that poured down my slim stomach and round hips like a bloody waterfall, silken and thin against my skin...

You see? All part of my cunning plan!

"And you smell.. well, I'll be right honest, Miss. You always smell nice but right now you smell... nicer-like."

"Oh? Well, I suppose I had decided to wear a new perfume. Not something I usually do, but..." I smiled in a way that was hop- prob- that was most definitely seductive. "I felt like a change."

"Shall we talk some more about my adventures?"

Alright, I thought to myself. Time to apply the charm. "Oh yes." Good. "That sounds nice." Good... "I love to hear you talk about yourself." Okay that was probably far too big a lie to be believed.

"Well, ain't that nice! I suppose we can talk a bit more. You see..."

***

THE STORY ABOUT THE SEXY AND INTERESTING PEASANT HERO AND THE WEDDING, as told by the sexy and interesting peasant hero who's stories aren't dull at all.

Well, I was walking through the woods and then I come out to see farmland. And off in the distance was this pretty town, all big towers and fancy walls and the like! And I said to myself, Samuel, let's go get some of that big city living that Tammy back home was always talking about.

Now as I got closer I could see that there were a lot of tents around that city, with big wooden walls and lots of men outside. I says to myself, I know what this is- it must be a circus! I've never seen a circus, on account that our village is too small, but Rand the Biggun had been to Whitewater once and they had a circus there and well- you wouldn't believe the stories, Miss Feera! Clowns and oliphants and jugglers! So you can imagine that I had a spring in my step and a song in my heart as I set off.

I walked down the road and noticed that there were a lot of people heading the other way. I asked them what the name of the city was and they said it was called Underseige, which I guess was one of those fancy dwarf names. They said that I probably shouldn't go there but I explained that I was off to see the circus, and they just looked at me weird before heading away. I suppose they'd already seen it.

So as I got closer to the tents I could see that it was a very strange circus indeed! Lots of men and women all dressed up in armour with weapons. They were all beastmen, big and scary like Miss Shadra- well I mean, she's not very scary. She's very pretty instead, especially when-

Well, I think you're very pretty too. Prettier than Miss Shadra? Well, I wouldn't want to- I suppose you're both very pretty in different ways, Miss Feera. I wouldn't want to- well yes, you do have a 'more rounded figure,' I had noticed that. But like my Mum says, Women Shouldn't be Jealous, Especially About a Man.

Anyway, I walk up to the circus and found my way barred by a big bunch of beastmen, all dressed up like soldiers. So I said to them, can I come in? And they explained that this was a guarded camp and that I wasn't allowed in until they got into the city. It was run by a man named Kallen the Red-

Well blow me! You two know each other! Well, that's a coincidence and a half, ain't it!

What do you mean, he went traitor? I didn't see nothing like that when I was there, I can promise you Miss Feera!

Anyway, they said that they were all sitting around, waiting for all the talking to stop and when it did they'd all be Given the Order, and then they'd all go into the city. I ask if it was really important that they get into the city and they said it was a matter of Pride. Well, I says to myself, I can understand that. I mean, Miss Shadra's been telling me about how her people have been all Oppressed and Mistreated by mean humans, which don't sound all that pleasant. So I tell them that I'm a big fancy Hero of Prophecy and I'd like to help them get into the city!

Well, it took a bit of convincing them, Miss Feera but in the end the one in charge said, 'Take him to the warleader, I reckon he'd get a laugh out of this.' And so I was led through the circus- except I wasn't sure it was an actual circus at that point, on the account that there were no clowns- and ended up in a big round tent that was full of people-

Well no, Miss Feera. I hadn't noticed how hot it is.

Anyway, it wasn't a happy tent, I can tell you that! There were lots and lots of people yelling inside! There was a big beastman in red armour- all tall and tusky and strong-looking- and he was arguing with a pretty girl in a fancy dress. She was saying about how her father was going to show up and how he'd be Sorry, and he was yelling at her about how he wasn't leaving, cause of Ancestral Pride or Ancient Greives or something. And they were so angry with each other that they weren't even paying attention to me! Now I thought about announcing myself, on account of me being the hero, but I decided not to bother on account of trying to be humble-

Well thank you Miss Feera. You don't be giving me a big head now!

Well, back and forth they snarled at each other, all angry like- and I found meself wondering what they would have done to get so upset. And then it struck me! This reminded me of when Longshirt Janus and Maid Marsha got married! That was a proper dust-up, that was! This wasn't a circus- this was a

wedding

, with all the guests wanting to get into the city for the ceremony! Well, I felt so bad about this happy day going so awful that I decided to do something about it. I stepped forward and said-

Now are you alright there, Miss Feera? You fell over and your boobs near popped out of that dress! Well, I guess the stool is a little unstable. You want to sit next to me on the cot? I guess there's plenty room- no, I don't mind one bit!

Anyway, I stepped forward and I said to Mister Kallen, "Sorry to interrupt, but I'm a hero of prophecy and I thought I might help!' Now they all seemed very impressed because they both stood there and stared at me like they were shocked! And I said, 'Now I understand how people can get too drunk at weddings, and Uncles can say Things That Must Not Be Said and it can all go bad. But like my Mum says, 'Kissin's Always Better than Punching.'

Now the pretty girl- no, not as pretty as you, Miss Feera, I saw that question coming a mile away, I did! - said that she wasn't going to marry Mister Kallen- except she used a lot nastier words than that! But then Mister Kallen said, all slow and quiet like, "Actually... a marriage alliance would be an acceptable way to end this strife." And then the girl said that she would never lie with a Beastman, which was sweet because she wanted to be honest, except she still sounded upset. So I pointed out my mum's wisdom about It's not How He Looks, It's What He Can Give You, which she was always saying about the men that came and visited her. I guess I must have said something right because she got all quiet and started to look at him with new eyes, she did. And they said that they needed to have a Talk in Private.