"Stop it", I muttered to myself. No one will know but me. Comforted in my rationalization, my hand slid downwards.
Rolling out of bed in the morning, I realized that I was already running behind. I hadn't slept well, tossing and turning into the wee hours. Why I decided to read that story was beyond me. How could something so simplistic and quickly jotted down have such a hold on me. Without thinking, I pulled on a pair of pink panties. Pink, maybe that was the color in the envelope. Yes, I decided, it must be pink. He thinks of me as all vulnerable and soft and girly. Fantasizing about me being held wide open, his hands under my knees, his head between my legs kissing the inside of my thighs, going higher, ever higher until.
Damn, I'm going to be late and this is a new client. With all the stress of tax season, new clients and that damn story floating around in my brain, it's a wonder I can even think, let alone think straight.
Why I took that envelope with me to work I'll never understand. I clutched it like a drowning man clutches a life preserver. I don't want to lose this damn thing, and then he'll think I opened it and I was his to do with as he wanted. No, THAT will never happen.
Throughout the day, I was frazzled, I transposed numbers, was snippy with my secretary, almost yelled at a stupid client that was telling me he could deduct his bar tab at the country club. Breathing a sigh of relief that it was finally over, I retreated to my house to lick my wounds and restore some measure of sanity to my life.
All day, those crazy thoughts of his eyes looking at me, and knowing, just knowing that he was picturing me in those vile and disgusting poses. Wait a minute, vile and disgusting? What was I thinking; I was acting like a scared little virgin. God knows I wasn't that. Not that I was promiscuous, far from it. Selective, yes, selective, that was the right term. And I selected not to do anything with him. I mean, he could be my father, for that matter, my grandfather. Grandma was a little wild, I chuckled to myself. What was he, 60 maybe. How gross to think that he could have the privilege of touching this body and kissing it all over and playing with my most intimate parts all the while reveling in the little cries and moans I made as he played me like a violin; carefully, expertly, thinking only of my satisfaction. Not like some horny divorced guy with the goal of how many notches he could have on his bedpost. Grandma did say that older men make the best lovers. No, I didn't want that, I thought rather unconvincingly.
Mindlessly flipping through the channels, my eyes kept being drawn to that envelope sitting on the table. Red, Yellow, Pink, White. Which one? White, yeah it was white, I thought. Innocent, a schoolgirl. THAT'S why he wanted me shaved. He probably thought of himself as my teacher as he scolded me for some minor infraction. Grabbing my wrist and pulling me over his lap as he hoisted my sundress over my panty encased bottom. I thought of my bottom turning red as he delivered spank after spank as I bounced and squirmed on his lap, my sundress bunched around my waist. Sundress, where the hell did that come from? I grabbed the story again and noticed to my horror that I had overlooked the line about wearing a little sundress to meet him. This was taking things waaaaay too far. Only twentysomethings wore them. Them, and girls who wanted to lift up their dresses and show their panties.
OK, I'm done. He's taken it one step over the edge. I was put out by his telling me what color panties he wanted, the thought of him fantasizing about me, even the shaving of my private parts; but this, this was too much. I thought of myself standing there in front of him, wearing a little pair of bikini panties, shaved bare between my legs, feeling a Santa Anna breeze rippling under my light cotton sundress, making eye contact and him knowing, just knowing I was so aroused that I could hardly breathe.
I couldn't wait until the next time I saw him, I would take his envelope and with a smug grin tell him that his writing wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, it left a lot to be desired. I was thinking of what other witty comment I could throw at him as I stopped off to do some shopping. I was at Walmart just browsing through the clothes when my heart skipped a beat. There, hanging right at eyelevel was a cotton sundress, just like in the story. No, I couldn't, I wouldn't.
But I did. It's like I was in a trance. I shuffled to the register and was sure all eyes were on me. I was blushing furiously as I slid the dress to the young checker. She looked at it and held it up right in front of everyone saying, "Oh is this for your daughter? It's so cute; I've got one just like it". My face must have turned a dozen shades of red. I quickly paid and left the store. What was I thinking? Shaving was one thing, but this, this was something entirely different. I couldn't wear something like this. I'd just blown 25 dollars on something that I was never going to wear. Damn that stupid, stupid story.
All the next day, I kept looking at the envelope. Which color was in there? Red? White? Pink? Yellow? What about peach, ivory, all the other colors? I groaned; not another story. My mind was working overtime as I got ready for my appointment. I would finally have a chance to throw the envelope on his desk and laugh at his feeble efforts to seduce me.
All these thoughts were going through my head as I stood at the flower shop, leaning into the cooler, feeling the chill air wafting up under my cute little sundress, reaching for that special rose, there it was, just the right shade of.