Story contains TF elements, mind alteration, bodily function jokes, really really bad jokes, and just all around crude humor.
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So I was just walking through the county fair like hundreds of other normal people, and it seems to just be me who was affected by this stupid curse. It slowly spreads to other people. It started about two weeks ago when I was walking by the dunking booth and that butthole clown gave me the crazy eyes. I find it absolutely hilarious, but it's actually quite terrifying.
"I have no idea where to start or how to explain, but let's just say I now own a clown nose and I find almost everything funny now. Consciously, I realize how fudged up the whole situation is. It's mortifying to think about, but my brain doesn't seem to process it in a normal way anymore. Hilarious right?"
Doctor Xander, as expected, doesn't seem amused at the least bit at my explanation, rolled his eyes a bit and said, "Mandy, this is a serious question. All we know about you is that your name is Mandy, which might also not be true. Please identify yourself for us please. The fingerprint database is coming up short, and it's quite frankly a matter of time before we find out who you are. Officer Martinez suspects you are just a user of methamphetamine, but I'm not seeing the symptoms line up, so I have to ask. The sheriffs need me to determine the cause of your erratic behaviour. What sort of pharmaceuticals were you in contact with recently? Did you say this started at the county fair last week, correct?"
Mandy replied, "Life has been one knee slapper after another since then! I'm serious. Sorry for laughing, but I find this conversation and everything about what's going on, hilarious."
"Mandy, you need to know it is not hilarious being handcuffed to a bench to prevent you from passing gas in people's personal spaces. That isn't nor-"
"BRRRRRTT-phlppp"
Mandy passes gas in a forceful manner.
"...normal to fart in people's faces."
He stands from his desk and walks back a little bit. Aghast and frustrated. Her drug tests were clean and she is obviously having fun at his expense. He's thinking Mandy doesn't need medical care. He's leaning towards immediate discharge and let the police handle her.
"Hahaha I'm sorry! I know it's messed up but I have this almost knee jerk reaction when I see the perfect comedic timing--I just can't help myself! I'm an addict now, but it's for laughs! I also find it very disturbing but i can't stop laughing! I mean, I know it's disturbing consciously, but subconsciously, I can't resist doing it!"
"Mandy, officer Martinez thought it was disturbing when you flashed him your breast and tried to spray your breast milk, of course you realize that is..."
Mandy is in a fit of laughter, as if she was trying to hold back a sneeze. "..ah-hah yes I know it's technically assault and I'm in big trouble but to be fair, my little titties are too small for that for now. They barely even squirt out a drop so far..."
"Yes Mandy, I understand, the police found all sorts of unusual things in your backpack. Nothing illegal, but seriously concerning. Why is it so important that you lactate? I see here.."
Doctor Xander is flipping through photographs of Mandy's belongings, pointing to things such as progesterone cream, Milk thistle, breast pumps, rainbow hair dye, several packs of whoopie cushions, fart powder... The list goes on.
Xander remarks, "Of course you know, nobody thinks whoopie cushions are funny anymore, it's all meta humor these days with the kids..."
Mandy, interrupting the conversation once again, holding back a sneeze of laughter at the mention of 'whoopie'. She said "Please don't disseminate my jokes, it takes all the humor out of them.. Anyways, sorry, whoopie is another word for sex, and that is one of my triggers." while making an obviously forced frown on her face to prevent all-out laugher.
"Alright, I've had enough of this. I can't help you, Mandy. I can't help you unless you want to be helped. I'm suggesting that..."
(A quiet muffled honk sound could be heard in the room)
"What was that, Mandy? Are you hiding something?"
"That was-" (a louder more pronounced honk) "-my secret weapon." Mandy flapped her butt on the bench she was handcuffed to. Which seemed to be the source of the honk sound.
Mandy has the biggest banana-shaped grin you ever saw someone wearing before. "I'm sorry, but you aren't funny, and i'm getting bored." Mandy says while flapping her butt on the bench a few more times.
"Mandy, please stop that! Give me whatever toy you're hiding in your pants, you can't have any contraband in here! Come here-" A small struggle to locate the 'toy' ensued.
His fingers found a toy clown nose stuffed between her legs and tried to grab it... then the doctor suddenly froze into place.
"Ha! You fell for my curse! Now you're under my control!"
"Wh.. what are you talking about? Mandy, what did you do? I can't move. I can't get my hand out of your pants!"
"Remember when I said I owned a clown nose? Well, I don't just own a clown nose, I have an actual clown nose instead of a clitoris! That's my special ability I was cursed with. I wasn't going to tell you about it because even I wouldn't believe me! Hahaha! Right? Weird isn't it?"
"What are you planning to do? I have no idea what is going on right now."
"Well, now that you're in a position where you HAVE to listen to me. You just touched my red clown nose! Now you think laughing is more important than anything! Hahaha"
Doctor Xander has no clue what she's talking about but knows exactly what position he's in.
He can't move, and his hand is firmly in her pants, fingers clutching her clown nose attached where her clitoris should be located.
"It doesn't feel like a normal clit, it just makes funny sounds when it's squeezed. It's just a normal foam clown nose with a rubber interior that fills with air and squeaks when squeezed. It's terrorizing to think about, but I can't stop thinking how fucking hilarious it is to have such a fate! Oops, sorry, I used a bad word, I am just all caught up with the situation, it's all really hilarious-- you not believing me, and then being stuck here with your perverted hand inside my pants! It's funny!"
Xander replied, sweat starting to form on his forehead "It's not funny to me, you need to stop th-"
"Oh, trust me, fudge is way funnier than the F-word, or Jack-butt instead of--" She trailed off.
"Anyways, using your other free hand, I want you.."
They stare each other down in such an ominous way, you can feel the tension in the room. You could slice it with a knife.
"...to pull my finger" Mandy slowly raised one of her handcuffed hand's index finger.
"What?" He replied, while subconsciously reaching his free left hand over to her hand.
"Wait!" She says.
Confused, angry, and frightened, Xander asks "Wait for what?"
"I want you to pull my pants down from the backside a little bit and expose my bootyhole as best as you can. Yeah, there you go." she awkwardly shifted her body to raise her butt in the air, towards Doctor Xander within her limits of being handcuffed. His hand was finally being released of her pants, but still unable to control his body.
