(apologies to Jane Austen)
By Kris Cherita
"You really think it'll work?" asked Josh. "I thought all that stuff about subliminals had been debunked."
"It's worth trying," said Emma. "It's not really mind control, it just... makes people more suggestible and exploits that. Cigarette companies had people working on it for decades, but they found that ordinary TV ads weren't long enough to be as effective as they wanted. They sold the results to the Discovery Institute, who sold it to the oil companies, who found it works much faster if people concentrate for a few minutes and believe that they're in control. The internet and elaborate video games proved to be a much more useful platform, especially when combined with a very simple artificial intelligence: I suspect that someone's using it to create anti-vaxers and climate change denialists and probably the QAnon cult, so I thought it was about time it was used ethically."
"I'm not sure that seducing a nineteen-year-old counts as ethical," said Matt dryly. He and Emma had an open marriage: he was completely straight, but Emma was bi, a Two on the Kinsey Scale. Though they both picked up women for casual sex on occasions, they only brought them home if they were interested in threesomes -- and that hadn't happened in over a year, months before they rented the spare room to Madison.
"Don't tell me you haven't been wondering what it would be like to suck those tits. Or put your dick between them."
"Okay, but..."
"You've seen how miserable she's been since her boyfriend dumped her," his wife continued. "And now that she's lost her job, too... I think this might make her happier. It doesn't take away her choice, it shouldn't make her less intelligent, it just... suggests a possibility that she's free to reject."
***
"Not going out tonight?" Emma asked, as she and Madison stacked the dishwasher.
"Can't really afford it," the student replied, glumly. It was a Friday night and it had been nearly three weeks since she'd split up with Tyler, and while he'd already found a new girlfriend, no-one had asked her out. She was undeniably attractive -- tall, busty, and raven-haired -- but most of her male classmates found her intelligence, looks and height intimidating.
"Would a hundred dollars help?"
"Sure, but..." She knew Emma was extremely well paid for her work as a software designer, and didn't need the modest rent she paid, but she didn't want to be a charity case.
"What would you have to do for it?"
"Yes."
"Not much. We've been working on some new census software. Some people complained after the last census that there were no questions about sexual preferences or being transgender -- nothing about being gay, or bi, or ace, no way to say that you had two mothers or two fathers, that sort of thing. So they've created a new survey, but it's only version one point zero, and we need..."
"Guinea pigs?"
Emma smiled. "We prefer to call them test subjects - ones who haven't been involved in writing it. Hence the money. If it all works, it shouldn't take more than half an hour, including writing your report. If you have to keep hitting reset or anything like that, it's twenty-five per hour, but the minimum pay is a hundred. Your answers won't be recorded anywhere, so you don't even have to tell the truth, just let us know if any of the answers cause it to crash. Are you interested?"
"I could use the money," Madison admitted. She'd lost her job a week before, and rightly suspected it was a to a girl who was sleeping with the boss, or at least blowing him regularly. "What do I have to do?"
***
The first few questions had been innocuous and unsurprising, and being asked whether she identified as male, female, intersex, non-binary or other, while not a question she remembered seeing in a previous census, struck Madison as an appropriate update to the 21st century. She clicked on FEMALE and waited for the next question.
DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA? YES/NO
She blinked, then shrugged. That, she supposed, also made sense when people identified as female but hadn't had surgery, like a few of her classmates. YES.
DO YOU HAVE BREASTS? YES/NO
"Getting a bit personal," she muttered. She had a sudden urge to lift her t-shirt and flash her E-cup boobs at the laptop camera, but resisted it. YES.
ARE THEY NATURAL? YES/NO
This time, the urge was even more difficult to resist, but she settled for clicking on YES. The screen flickered for an instant before the next question popped up. ARE YOUR NIPPLES SENSITIVE? VERY/SOMEWHAT/SLIGHTLY/NO
She automatically clicked VERY, then blinked. She wasn't sure why the bureau of statistics would need to know that, but maybe some doctor was looking for data on how implants affected nipple sensitivity --
