My heart wasn't in the code.
It might seem like a strange thing to think, for someone who doesn't know coding as well as I do. But software is just like art to the people who understand it. It requires creativity, a way to look at the problem and see a solution, an elegance in its efficiency and execution. Good code is, I would argue, as artistic as a painting or a famous old book.
Only today my art was crap.
I pushed back from the desk and rubbed my hand across my face. I was having a hard time working on the Morrison project. My mind was elsewhere.
The strangest thing about this morning had been how
not
strange it had been. Waking up next to McKenzie instead of Barbara felt normal, like this was how things were supposed to be. I'd risen before 6 o'clock, as was becoming the norm, and I listened to my BDE recording. I'd decided to try shifting my daily self-hypnosis to the beginning of the day instead of the end, and I had been rewarded with a surge of energy and rejuvenation that felt almost as good as a fresh cup of coffee. It vitalized me through my run, and I extended the distance today even though I hadn't intended to.
No word from Barbara.
McKenzie seemed to think that she would come around. She acted certain of it, in fact, but I couldn't help but have doubts. My wife was still hung up on the idea of her daughter and her husband being together. Hell, I
should
have been hung up on it.
As long as I'd been an adult, as long as I'd been aware of things like kinks and fetishes and taboos, "incest" had been a dirty word on the edge of my radar. Only now, it didn't seem so dirty. It seemed rational, a normal reaction to attraction between a father and his stepdaughter. When I tried to consider Barbara's perspective in a rational light, I ran into a mental block that couldn't take her seriously. Like how an atheist might think of God as an outdated fantasy. Or how a city slick would look at a rural farmer and think them quaint.
I am a Man. A Man does what he pleases. A Man takes who he wishes. A Man thinks for himself.
I shook my head and clicked away from my coding IDE. I'd come back to it in a moment, once I'd cleared my head.
I was going to go to my mini fridge and grab a sports drink β McKenzie had convinced me last week to swap out my standard-issue Redbulls for something less heavy on the caffeine and more heavy on the electrolytes β when I saw that I had a new email.
I didn't want to check, on the off chance it was Allison with another outrageous demand, but I gamely sighed and sat back down. Allison wouldn't bother emailing me, anyhow, I decided. If she wanted to retaliate for my outburst yesterday she would strut in here looking distractingly sexualized and do it in person.
I clicked the desktop app and pulled up my work email, scanning the New Mail column.
RE: A Curious Customer
.
I stopped short.
My eyes flickered to the door of the office and then back to the computer. It was BDE. They'd finally gotten back to me.
I was strangely nervous, and I pondered it as I slowly pushed back from the desk and fetched a Gatorade from my fridge. Unscrewing the top, I took a long draw of the bright red liquid.
It's nothing to worry about, John,
I told myself. But actually interacting with the company who had changed my life so radically... It felt daunting.
I considered the bolded subject line for several long seconds. Then, I quickly moved my mouse across the screen and clicked. There was no fanfare, no jump scare, no anything. Just the normal execution of an everyday function.
My eyes scanned down the email quickly.
RE: A Curious Customer
Dear John,
I am delighted to hear that you have been seeing results. Our products are designed to change lives, but even so they require hard work and dedication on behalf of our customers. It is always a pleasure to speak with someone who is willing to put in that effort. Your success motivates me to continue my work.
Any questions you have about side effects or changes you may be seeing, please send them my way. We spend much of our time and energy in research, development and testing. But there is always the chance that 'in the field' our products encounter circumstances which alter your individual experience.
Sincerest regards,
Oliver King
CEO and Founder, Brain Development Enterprises
Wait... I paused and reread the final byline.
CEO?
I blinked.
It couldn't be...
I kept scrolling down and there was a headshot at the end of the email. It was an image of a face I recognized. Mr. Silver Fox. In my surprise, I almost didn't notice the postscript at the very bottom of the letter.
P.S. I am always interested to hear the exploits of men who find our products life changing. Will you have time this week to hop on a video call to tell me your story? I am currently out of the country but will make myself available anytime.
I shook my head and sat back. "Damn..." I muttered softly, then scratched my jaw. "Wow..." I wondered what kind of company let their founder answer routine customer service emails. Was I just lucky? Or did the man truly care that much about his clients that he answered them personally?
I found the idea inspiring.
I rested my fingers on the keyboard, then pulled them back. Suddenly, nervousness swept over me again. I felt like I had just seen a celebrity walk into the restaurant where I was having dinner and was considering asking them for an autograph.
Did I have the courage to respond?
I am a Man. I am the Master of my emotions. I am the Master of my actions.
Of course I have the courage
, I told myself firmly. I clicked the backwards-swooping "Reply" arrow.