Garth sat dejectedly on the bed, staring down at the crumpled note in his hand. He had read it dozens of times already, knew it by heart even though he wished he could erase it from his mind.
Where had he gone wrong? What had he done? Part of him knew and cursed his own stupidity, while another part cursed Erica for being afraid. He quickly squashed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He would NOT blame her. He had messed up, plain and simple. The question now was what he could do to make it right. If he could.
Bringing the note back up, he stared at it without actually reading, instead reciting it from memory.
'Dear Garth,
This is incredibly difficult for me to write, and I am not going to insult you with tripe like, it's not you, it's me. Plain and simple, this is getting too serious for me, and I need to get some distance and think. When you said you loved me, my mind soared with pleasure at the same time as panic gripped my throat like a vice. I lay here watching you sleep for hours while my mind raced, and I could never settle on any one side.
I think I love you too, but I am terrified of the commitment that means. I desperately want to avoid getting hurt again, to be told you don't love me some day. That fear cripples my mind, and more than anything tells me I am not ready for another relationship. At least not yet.
I am going back home, to think and talk to Alyssa, she deserves to know, at least some of my thoughts. I hope you do not hate me and that we can talk about this someday, but for now I need space and time to think.
I can understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore, and believe me when I say that fear is almost as crippling as the fear of being hurt again, but know that part of me loves you too, perhaps even the biggest part. The problem is I simply don't know yet.
Please don't hate me.
Erica'
Garth stared at the note, not really seeing the letters and words, instead focusing on the many blotches where tears had dripped onto it, making the ink run a little.
He wanted to curse her and hate her, but he could not make himself do it. He understood. Not fully, but he understood enough. Enough to know she was hurting just as much as he was.
He curled up on the bed, recrimination and self-pity scouring his mind as he clutched the note and breathed in the scent of her from the bed. He never even noticed his tears as he drifted off into an exhausted sleep.
Hours later, he woke to the low sunlight of late afternoon. His stomach growled and cursed at him, forcing him to stagger into the kitchen to look for something to eat. His bare feet slapped the floor as he staggered out from the bedroom, his mind fuzzy from grief and sleep. He saw that all of Erica's things were gone from their room, but the thought only barely penetrated his mind. It just filed itself away in his sub-consciousness. Garth opened the fridge and stared at its lack of contents with disappointment. There was nothing to eat, not unless he counted the limp pile of salad leaves and two spring onions.
There was beer, though, and not seeing any reason not to, he opened one while he started looking for some halfway clean clothes to wear. Mostly by habit, he downed some capsules of herb with the second and third swallow, his mind relaxing a little as the familiarity of his sense of his surroundings blossomed. Aside from his awareness of everyone's emotions, he felt the slight buzz of drinking on an empty stomach. He knew, on some level, that it was probably not a good idea, but he was beyond caring.
By the time he left the rooms in search of food, three empty bottles stood around the apartment, his head spinning pleasantly, though not enough to cause problems. With his inhibitions suitably lowered, Garth had convinced himself that another few beers was indeed a very good idea. Probably more than a few at that.
An hour later, Garth walked a trifle unsteadily from the small burger place he had come across. The burger had been decent, though not something he would recommend to anyone anytime soon. It did do its job of stilling his hunger, however, and with some food in his stomach, the light buzz from another couple of beers dimmed somewhat. Walking aimlessly, he wandered toward the city center in search of somewhere he could drown his sorrows.
Without even being aware of it, Garth used his extra senses to keep track of everyone around him. Once or twice, he saw girls look at him, their Interest spiking a little. He was in no mood for it though, and quickly suppressed their emotions so they would leave him alone. After half an hour of aimless wandering, he saw a quiet pub across the street, a short flight of stairs down to a plain door with a small sign promising cold beer. Garth steadied himself on the rail and walked down, pushing the door open to a dimly lit bar that ran towards the back of the building. This early in the evening, the bar was nowhere near full, but there were enough people to create a hum of conversation and laughter that almost drowned out the low sound of rock music and a sports event or other on a screen somewhere inside. It was perfect.
Some of the patrons looked up as he walked across to the bar, but only mild Interest and Curiosity dotted their emotions, just another stranger at their local place, not really worth noticing. The bar was long, with ten or so stools covering the dark wood-paneled front, a slab of polished stone covering the top. Several taps and a well-stocked shelf behind the bar promised a wide variety of alcohol to help him reach his goal of oblivion. Despite himself, Garth smiled as he saw the expansive collection of aged whisky. A spike of Interest intermixed with a hint of Arousal penetrated his senses, and he focused on the bartender.
She was perhaps five years older than him, glossy black hair framing a sharply angled face that came just short of being beautiful, her looks not diminished in the least by a collection of piercings. Black leather suspenders that framed a pair of not too large tits held up her cut-off denim shorts. Her white tank top exposed her midriff, a small bejeweled ring twinkling in her bellybutton, and the studs piercing her nipples were obvious through the fabric. A spike of Amusement mingled with an increase in Arousal shook him from his observation. Garth's cheeks reddened a little as he realized he had been caught staring, but judging from her crooked smile he guessed she used her looks to secure a better tip and was not mad at all.
'Hi there, sweetie, what can I get 'ya?'
'Hi, uh,' Garth stammered, his blush deepening, 'I was just looking for a beer and a whisky.'
'I figured you were, with how you checked out the display of, bottles.' The slight pause made it obvious to Garth she had been about to say something else, and even through his hazy mind he could not help noticing how her nipples suddenly were poking through her top.
Garth was not exactly in the mood for flirting, but being nice was never wrong, he thought.
