Tags: MC, MF, GR, MD
Synopsis: A controller takes his revenge on his neighbor out on his wife.
Author's note: This is loosely based on an old Isaac Azimov tale of a small demon and his wish fulfillment tendencies from one specific story whose name escapes me, and the writing style of 'Dexter' author Jeff Lindsay. If you like it, thank you. If you don't, blame them! :) Also be aware that this is not a 'happily ever after, nice guys win' story like most of mine.
*****
Bad Neighbor
by Paladin
There are two things you need to know to appreciate this little tale.
First, I am a monster. Exactly what I mean by that will certainly be revealed as the story unfolds. For now you just need to know that I can 'Do Things'. Interesting things.
Second, my neighbor wronged me. The nature of his offense is not important to the tale. Hell, he is not even really aware of his offense or its magnitude in my mind.
How do I describe my neighbor? He is so ordinary it must hurt to live his life. He is not truly evil (and I would know, trust me), but fully consumed by those minor demons so many humans are subject to-sloth, greed, stupidity, short-sightedness, and so forth. He is also an unattractive man on top of that. Think Danny Devito but taller and probably older. Certainly, he has so-called 'redeeming characteristics' that society places such value on. He treats his dog well, mows his yard, pays his taxes, listens to acceptable music at acceptable volumes, and loves his wife.
And that was a key point. I spent some time contemplating exactly what shape my revenge would be. In times past, I might have sickened his milk cows or soured the soil under his crops, or cast him full of any of dozens of delightfully nasty ailments. Leprosy was always a good choice.
But Maxwell Canter loved his wife. Yes- Maxwell. Can you believe it? One could easily believe that his parents hated him from the start from this evidence alone, but he seemed proud of the ridiculous name.
Maxwell's wife was a reasonably pleasant woman... although not attractive by any standards I have ever heard of. Think Danny Devito's wife, Rhea Perlman, and drop a couple more notches while adding some years. Her name was Minnie. I always suspected her parents named her after the cartoon rodent, and Maxwell loved to introduce themselves as Max and Min. What wit. Minnie kept a lovely little garden, took care of Max and the house, held a part-time job as a telemarketer (she had a pleasant voice), and had actually dropped off home-made cookies to me in the past. If she only knew.
The perfect revenge came to me late at night. I need very little sleep so I was able to immediately put parts of the plan in place. I went to sleep with a smile on my face.
A couple of days later, a package was delivered to the clueless woman. I did not need to read her mind since I already knew what it was. She was the happy winner of a some salon-quality health and beauty products, starting with some shampoo and conditioner. She 'remembered' entering a web-based contest and the 'you are a winner' email. I had a little chuckle over some of her answers on the survey about her hair, skin, and so forth. It was amusing to see how self-deluded humans can be.
The next morning was a glorious day- the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everything was fresh and clean, but it was a great day nonetheless. By noon, Minnie was out in her garden hard at it. I Said hello across the fence and was pleased, but unsurprised, to notice a change already. Minnie usually wore her crinkly silver-shot hair in a kerchief, while today she was wearing it loose. It looked darker, shinier and healthier- as well it should considering what all I put in the bottles.
"Good morning, Mrs. Canter, isn't it a lovely morning?" Never let it be said that I could not fake the niceties well. "You are looking very nice today. Is that a new hairstyle?"
"Oh, hello. Uh, not so much a new style as a new shampoo. Isn't it amazing what the right shampoo can do for you? I've always used the cheap stuff, but I guess that you get what you pay for." She continued to prattle on good-naturedly for several minutes with no encouragement from me. Having nothing special to do I was perfectly happy listening to her prattle. Truth be told, it was more interesting than what was going through that junk heap she called a mind.
It was barely even a effort to eavesdrop on the couple that evening. Max was quite pleased with Min's new 'do', but managed to insinuate that she spent too much or got involved with a shady sales program or something. The nerve of him calling my integrity into question, even unknowingly like that. He gave her her goodnight kiss and the scent of her hair stirred him, but it was late and the flesh is weak... as per other subtle properties of the shampoo.