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* This chapter contains fewer erotic elements and focuses on creating a baseline for the remaining chapters.
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On Monday morning, after breakfast Amy said "Can you believe it's more or less the half of our two and a half months?"
I said "Yes, you're right. It passed quickly but a lot happened in this period."
She didn't say anything and sat like that.
I was waiting because she sounded like she was starting a conversation but she suddenly stopped talking. To hear the rest, I said "I thought you were going to say something?"
She looked at me and said "Yes, I'm not sure how to say it."
Not a single day without stress. It sounded like that.
"OK, I've been thinking since yesterday. If we go on like that, it worries me thinking about the end of this. I mean I don't know what will happen that day and I think we both are not prepared for one of the options."
"OK?"
"If this ends next month, we both don't know how it will affect us."
When she thought about stuff, I always ended up in an awkward or stressful situation. So, I nodded and avoided talking.
"That's why, I decided to go and visit my parents. I bought my ticket and I will leave tonight. I also arranged the vet hotel service, so you will not have to worry about the dog or my house."
This was stupid. Everything was fine and she was going to spend our precious days away.
"Why? Why did you do that?" I tried not to show that I was riled up, thinking that this was completely unnecessary.
"I thought we both should experience how we feel about being without each other. Maybe you'll see that you miss your wife more than me when you're alone. Or the opposite. Do you want to learn such a fact after you give a life changing decision?"
Life changing? She had to be sure that I was going to stay with her, otherwise why should she....
"Don't get my words wrong. Whatever your decision will be, it will change your life at that point."
I was positive that she could read my mind. And, she was right.
"I know, I get it." I hated this situation.
Suddenly I panicked and said "But what if both sides don't feel the same? What if you want to end this?" I could see how stupid this sentence was while I was hearing myself say it.
"Kismet..." she said, being the only grown-up person in the room.
"And how long are you planning to stay there?"
"Maybe till the weekend but I will decide there."
Fuck! My 'peaceful life' didn't seem that interesting to me at that moment. I didn't want to go and sit there alone. But I had no arguments to change that.
Suddenly I felt sick. What if she, again, thought that the last week brought us closer and she decided to step back? What if she was doing this to cool things off? If she managed that, I'd be the one who was going to suffer.
"When are we going?" I asked.
"Tonight, at 7 PM. And, we?"
"I want to drive you to the airport."
"I'll go myself; I already arranged a shuttle."
"Why can't I drive you?"
"Because we'll go to your place, I will put you there and you'll stay there, waiting for me. As if I'm leaving you for good." she put a kiss on my head and went to her room. She looked too calm for such a situation; this wasn't good.
In the afternoon, we went to my place and had coffee there.
Since I was feeling down, it was good that she didn't do some sexy tricks on me. We just talked.
"I am planning to avoid contact with you when I'm away as much as I can. Please remember that, we are doing this to be ready for the life after the end of our period. So, please use this time to let your emotions settle for each possible ending. Either of them means big changes." she said before kissing me softly.
And she left.
I was home and felt empty that night. I didn't feel anything. I called her at night but her phone was off. My friends were having a drink and chat meeting on zoom, I joined to that but didn't want to talk much.
Next morning, I woke up in my bed and thought about Amy and my wife Megan.
I wanted Megan to be in my life till the end but I wasn't yet able to say the same for Amy. Because she was presenting me a life that I had to control myself, without true peace and freedom. I always was alert around her but I felt relaxed with my wife. My wife meant peace. Amy meant love and lust, where my wife stopped offering me those. Or we both made it that way.
When I considered my life before Amy, I had a chance to make a more realistic comparison.
I was in peace, yes. I had no one to answer to or I didn't feel the need to keep myself 'attractive' or 'desirable' all the time. I wasn't that young anymore and I didn't find the energy to concentrate on such things every day. These were the good parts, when you look at them from the comfort perspective.
On the other hand, since I was living with Amy, I found the energy to concentrate on anything that might lead to any erotic action with her, I wanted her to find me attractive. I never looked for pursuing my peace yet. Both of these facts told me that she made me feel younger.
Not because she was young; this was about caring what your partner thought about you. Which was good, because after years, I lost weight, I wanted to look better and I managed to do that.
She made me answer to her and obey her, even if she didn't call it that. She called this our mutual, natural, collaborative positioning or something like that. But I was the one giving in or humoring her. Sometimes willingly, sometimes after losing a fight not to.
Normally, I was bored of endless responsibilities or reporting to hierarchical morons in my work life but with her, even these were hot. As I told before, she became a true leader in my life that I was feeling satisfied, horny and in love as I followed her. This wasn't something one could stumble into many times in his life. This was something that most people - including me - never even knew the existence of and never felt the need for.
