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Edited on 03/20/2022, including revisions and corrections, no changes about the story.
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On Sunday morning, when I woke up, she wasn't in the bed. I left the room to see that she was in the living room. She was sitting and probably was thinking of the latest events. I sat beside her and wanted to learn what happened and to clear some troubling parts on my mind. I said "What are you thinking?"
She looked at me but didn't answer.
"I am troubled about last night. Please tell me what the hell that was about."
She turned her head away and didn't answer.
"Amy, I need to know what's going on."
She said "Nothing that you need to worry about."
She wasn't there to decide what is qualified for me to worry about or not.
"There were things I cannot unsee, please do not keep me in the dark. I need to know even if it hurts me."
Silence.
I turned my head away from her, tried not to continue pushing but it wasn't possible.
"Amy, you can't decide what's important or not. Tell me everything." I insisted and she started talking.
"What do you want to know? I was drunk. That's all."
"Who is that Mike guy and what's going on?"
"Are you jealous?"
"When you go out with me, everything you do affects me."
"Are you jealous I said." She looked curious.
"Yes."
"How did you feel, tell me."
"I lost it last night, my brain melted when I saw you dancing like that."
"Why didn't you demote me to an 'ex' and leave?"
"You were drunk, I didn't want to leave you like that and end this before learning what that was. I even wasn't sure whether you were aware that it wasn't me or not."
"I was. I knew what was going on."
"Why did you do that? Are you trying to end this? Is this the way you could find?"
"I'm not trying to end this. It's complicated."
"Complicated? That brings us to the Mike subject then."
"Please let it go, I'm sorry about that."
I wanted to stay silent but it wasn't possible.
"Tell me everything, I'm not mad or anything, I want to learn."
"OK, I was with him, as a couple since last year, more than a year. We even got engaged six months ago."
My jaw dropped.
"But you broke up, right?"
"Yes. Kind of." she exhaled.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you really want to know? I never asked about you and your wife."
I said "Yes, I want to know and I didn't make you witness such things with my wife when you're around. Such scenes never could have happened because she's not even here."
"Our relationship was good for the first few months but then it started to get dull. I don't like those vanilla marriages where everyone acts their traditional part. I feel comfortable in certain setups in my relations with people, this is true for every social relationship, not only the romantic ones. I like being in control in the environment I am in and sometimes of the people in my life but I generally don't show that. Did you ever sense such a thing before our thing started?"
"No, never. I still cannot believe your difference between now and then."
"Anyway, the relationship started to be less important for me, I even considered ending it along the way. I was always thinking that he was too over his head giving me suggestions on things I knew better, acting as the leader of us and this made me want to hurt him time to time."
"This is natural, this doesn't require you being..." I couldn't find a right word because she didn't use such a word. Good thing she continued.
"I read books or articles about gender balance, not just on gender equality but also about the lack of the atonement, compensation of centuries of unfair conditions. Being equal does not look satisfactory to me. I'm telling that because this feeling may be one of the reasons of, I am who I am."
"Fair enough, I share your feelings on that."
"See, I don't feel like thanking you for your words. But you probably felt that you deserved a pat on the back, just stating the obvious. That's what the society made to us."
I smiled and felt somewhere in between respecting her and worrying about being in the presence of a mind locked to an idee fixe. But I didn't see anything to object.
"I also read a lot on different people's lifestyles; women establishing their desired respectful status in the relationship or their rule over their partners, partners adjusting to that naturally or in non-consent. Of course, I'm not talking about professional mistresses or products of your porn universe."
Mine? "Why my porn universe? Where did you see me watch one?"
She smirked "Your mind makes you live in a porn, you see legs, nylons, everything can turn you on. And don't tell me that you don't watch porn at home. Especially considering your..." she stopped.
"Considering my?" I kind of knew the general idea but this was an opportunity to hear something on what she thought of me or of my life and marriage.
"Depending on what you told me and other stuff I gathered, such as you trying not to cheat on your wife while your sex life almost wasn't there anymore, you were left with the only other option, I guess."
'Pathetic' was what she thought of me, apparently.
"I respected that struggle of yours in our first days. I could have cooled things down to make it easier for you not to get involved with me. On the other hand, she had to give what you needed, instead of letting you die inside. So, I decided to take what I want, which was available for me to take."
"Why are we talking about my marriage?" I wanted to change the subject, since it was a risky one.
She stood up and sat on the other couch. "As I was saying, I know something about such relationships and most of them seem artificially constructed to me. But probably there's no other way. In most cases, there is a submissive husband and a woman trying to fit in the role he expects her to, resulting in break up or a female lead relationship. The wife, sometimes enjoying or finding the queen in herself, sometimes playing along only to save her marriage."
I agreed, it made sense since mostly the fetish or the fantasy is about submitting men, depending on the porn statistics I could comprehend from the content in those sites.
"Rarely, the woman starts that kind of a relationship. Sometimes she despises or detests her husband or all males frequently in the relationship and she wants to humiliate the man or draw a line between their status. In some cases, she feeds on his agony. She amplifies her actions, when she sees him adjusting. At some point, she likes him as what he became or she completely sees him as an object. This does not seem like a healthy relationship to me. I don't see her happy or satisfied in such a picture. I don't care about him. I empathize the woman. I also can empathize on both sides in lesbian relationships. I cannot feel the submitting one's thrill though."
"And you..." I was more concerned about our relationship, otherwise the 'empathizing on lesbian relationships' was definitely a very hot topic.
"Wait, I'm not finished. Sometimes, the woman, along the way in her life, has a chance to see her power over men or other people; lets that feeling live and settle within herself. Time to time repressing that other self, due to her interest in her partners or her lack of trust to that power within her. In time, she cares less and tries more. From my point of view, that's the natural way. She doesn't force people; she offers them the chance to adjust to that fair setup or the male wants her to be like that. But this is hardly practical in real life, this requires matching individuals."
"And beautiful, tiny, petite feet." I thought before I interrupted her.
"So, are you saying that our relationship was a practice for you? To try what you learned?"
"First of all, I didn't learn. I felt it and found out that this was a thing. Besides, what I had in mind when we first started, changed in time. It evolved naturally. I'm young and I am still finding myself. I never read anything telling me the 'how to' and I didn't do anything artificial, which is not originated by me or what my heart desired. I didn't even have a target. As I said, it's like trying any new thing in life."
"I guess you excelled in your first try." I said without enthusiasm.
"See? I accept that I had a plot on my mind to slow this down but I did almost everything as I felt like, it was all genuine, both for you and me."
"The main subject, please."
She squinted her eyes and exhaled loudly. Even in the tension of that subject, her expressions were making me desire her.
"Ok, when our relationship with him got dull and when I started to get annoyed seeing his content behaviors even when he couldn't make me fancy him that much, I felt like there was nothing to lose. I knew that the natural way wasn't an option because he thought he owned me. It didn't seem possible for me to get what I wanted peacefully or gradually. There was one option left. I would try to reshape that relationship to be more bearable. If I succeeded, I'd decide then. If I was happy, there you go. If I wasn't, there's the door. If I didn't succeed, it would be over itself."
"I'm guessing you succeeded." I said.
"Not exactly. It was different than what you and I have. It needed to be planned. It started with serious arguments. In every argument, I occupied him bit by bit. I wasn't feeling very attracted to him at that period so I didn't want to use sex as a catalyst in that period, not much. But it didn't work as I wanted. He still thought this was a fantasy play or something. Most of the time he acted as before."
"So, you left him?"
"Not right then."
"I don't understand why you stayed when your interest was gone." I said, thinking that living in such a relationship had to be like prison.
"It's not ones and zeroes. It's not an overnight thing."