Amulet 4
I suggest you read parts 1, 2, and 3 before reading this fourth part of the series, otherwise you won't understand what's going on.
After I'd spent a fun filled hour or so with Suzie the hairdresser at her little village hairdresser's shop, I made my happy way back to the guesthouse where I was staying for the weekend.
I had another quick shower, this time to remove the evidence of my unexpected sexual liaison with Suzie. My memories of her would stay with me for a very long time, the odour of our intermingled body fluids weren't so welcome, especially if I struck lucky with the guesthouse owner, Jane, her daughter Emily, or the lovely bridesmaid, Tracy, at my cousin Jacki's wedding. None of them would appreciate smelling Suzie on my intimate bits.
There was still time to kill before the wedding which was taking place at 2.30pm, so I made my way to the hotel bar once more, where I ordered a bar lunch, that good old British standby, fish and chips. It was very tasty and since half of the other people in the bar were relatives of mine, down from Scotland for Jacki's wedding, I was in good company.
Eventually I made my way back to the Bed and Breakfast guesthouse where I was staying to get dressed in more formal attire for the wedding. In Scotland we don't usually dress in a tuxedo for such occasions, we have our own distinctive formal wear called, 'Full Highland Dress,' which consists of a kilt, usually in our family tartan, black highland jacket with silver buttons, white dress shirt with black bow tie, knee length, thick, off white woollen socks, and black highland brogues (cross laced). I mustn't forget the sporran, which is held in place by a leather belt at the waist, and hangs in front of the kilt. It's not just decorative, although it can be highly decorative, it has a pouch in the back to hold money, etc, because a kilt has no pockets.
I planned on being back at the hotel for the ceremony about 2pm, and just before that time I made my way downstairs to leave and ran into Jane the guesthouse owner. Her eyes opened wide when she saw me.
'Oh my god,' she said, smiling, 'you look great. Be careful you don't steal the attention away from the bride with that outfit.' I shook my head, and smiled at her.
'No chance, she's going to look stunningly beautiful. Every eye will be on her this afternoon, and besides, nearly all of the Scottish men will be dressed the same as me. I'll just be another guy with a kilt on,' I explained, but thanked her for her compliment.
'Well, whatever,' she said, 'but I've only got you to judge and you're looking great, very smart,' and then I could see her thinking and I knew what was coming. She was hesitant, and then, 'So, what
do
Scotsmen wear under the kilt?' I shook my head again.
'Sorry Jane, I can't tell you. All Scotsmen take a solemn vow at a special ceremony on their twelfth birthday never to reveal the secret. You'll just have imagine what could be there.'
'Aw, go on,' she persisted, but I just shook my head again, and she turned to the door of her private apartments and called through the door to her daughter Emily to come and see me before I left. Emily came out and looked at me, a surprised look on her face, but smiling just like her mother had done.
'Wow!,' she exclaimed. 'You look... you look... magnificent... that's the only word I can think of,' she said, half laughing as she said it. 'I've seen a man wearing a kilt in pictures, but never the real thing,' she continued walking around me to view my outfit from every angle.
'Yes, definitely looking good,' she concluded.
'Don't ask if there's anything under his kilt,' Jane interjected, warning her daughter. 'He won't tell you. He gave me some nonsensical story about all Scotsmen being sworn to secrecy from childhood,' and Emily laughed again.
'Are you sure you can't tell us? Just whisper it, and we won't tell anybody, will we mum?' she said, in that wheedling tone women sometimes use when they want to get their own way. By this time she had come really close, hanging onto my arm, looking into my eyes in a very intimate way.
'Well...' I said, sounding very reluctant to turn down their request. 'All I can say is this, when you were little girls at school and you wanted to ask the teacher a question, what did you do?'
'I put my hand up,' Jane answered immediately without really thinking, and Emily started laughing, and then Jane realised it was a joke and started laughing too. Just then a man came out of their private quarters, I presume to see what all the talk and hilarity was about.
'What's all the bloody noise about?' was his opening remark. Straight away, I knew this guy was trouble, simply because the smiles on Jane and Emily's faces vanished as soon as he opened his mouth. It was like someone threw a bucket of iced water on them. Jane introduced him, rather reluctantly I thought, as Frank, her husband. He was quite belligerent, very unpleasant.
'We were just admiring this gentleman's kilt,' Jane tried to explain, with a worried look on her face, but he was not listening. He looked me up and down, I gave him a hard look back.