I'm sitting in my car, nursing a super-size diet soda and eating carrot sticks when I see her walk out of the main entrance of the mall. She's in the dappled shadows of the fancy lattice portico for the first thirty feet or so, delaying my efforts to evaluate her suitability. As last she breaks out into the late morning sunlight of this cloudless July Saturday. Decades of serious girl watching allow me to size her up quickly through the heavily tinted windows of my nondescript sedan. She's the best candidate I've seen in the last hour.
I like the way she moves as she steps down off the curb and heads out into the vast expanse of the crowded parking lot. Her walk is brisk and efficient, but still sexy. She's a looker too, with a pretty face, long blonde hair and large, but shapely breasts under her Ricky Martin t-shirt. Her tight, low cut jeans reveal that she's a little fuller in the hips than I prefer, but then again, my idea of the
perfect
woman is kind of on the slim side. I guess her age at about twenty, which would be on the young side for my tastes, but within the acceptable range. A quick peek through my binoculars reveals a lack of any hardware on her left hand. That cinches the deal; I'm going to make her mine.
I'm rolling by the time she starts walking down the next isle over. Thankfully, she must not have gotten one of the good spots when she arrived. She's still outward bound as I catch up to her. I hit the express-down button on my window and turn on the Charm as I cruise up.
"Would you like a lift to your car?" I ask. This is the kind of thing that would normally put a woman on her guard in a big way, but her face lights up in an excited smile. I'm amazed for maybe the millionth time at my sudden transition from awkward social geek to confident, commanding alpha-male.
"Sure. That'd be great!"
When
I
ask that question, they
always
say yes.
She swings around to the passenger side and slides in. She makes no protest when I drive right past her car and out of the parking lot.
"Hi, I'm Jim," I tell her. I'm always 'Jim' with my women.
"Hi Jim," she beams. "I'm Melinda." She looks around at the interior of my five-year-old Taurus, a well-worn rental return unit that I use strictly for dating. My Benz is home in the garage.
"Wow, this is a nice car, Jim," she says. I ease up on the Charm a bit β the positive feelings about my personal appearance that I'm infusing into her mind must be spilling over onto my ride.
"Thanks."
I engage her in conversation, quickly ascertaining that she's eighteen years old. Not quite half my age. At least she's legal. I insist on that.
Melinda tells me that she's a student at the local community college and still lives at home. She had shopping for a new pair of shoes for a party tonight. She gleefully shows me her purchase; a pair of blood red four-inch spikes heels. I compliment her fashion sense.
"Are you going with anyone special?"
"Nah, I'm just going to meet up with some friends," she says. "We'll probably go bar hopping later."
As we talk further, I find out that Melinda's boyfriend dumped her a couple of weeks ago when he found out that she was sleeping with his best friend. Naughty girl! The best friend's dropped her too and she's not dating anyone at the moment. This is rare for her. She definitely gets around, but for my purposes, this is a good thing.
How do I find all of this out so easily? Well let's just say that if the CIA ever finds out about the peculiar talents I possess, I'll spend the rest of my life in a small, secret room somewhere in suburban Virginia, talking the truth out of unsuspecting evildoers. Saddam would have nothing to worry about, though β my talent only works on women.
"Jim," Melinda says, "I just have to tell you. You are the hottest looking man I've met in my entire life. I swear to God, you look just like Tom Cruise when he was young, only a lot cuter."
You'd think that someone as butt-ugly as I actually am would be surprised by such a compliment, but I hear that kind of thing on a regular basis. The best part is that she believes every word of it. That's
exactly
how she's seeing me at the moment.
"Oh, come on now, Melinda. There's only one truly gorgeous person sitting in this car, and it's not me," I tell her. Even with the Charm turned on, it's always a good idea to praise them. She blushes and lowers her eyes. I can immediately tell that she
lives
for compliments from the opposite sex. Melinda might not be exactly my type, but she could easily make it into one of those "Girls of Blah-Blah University" pictorials in some men's magazine. She's a knockout. I'm sure she gets
lots
of compliments.
Melinda has the whole day off to do with as she pleases. Good. I'd have had to take her right back to her car if I'd found out that she'd be missed during the next few hours. Melinda meets all of my qualifications. It's time to get this show on the road.
"Would you like to spend some time with me?" I ask her. Not that she actually has a choice, but I like to ask. She knows exactly what I'm talking about and she's been waiting desperately for me to ask since the moment she first laid eyes on me. She gives me a big smile like she's just won the lotto.