My name is Lone, and I'm 43 years old. Four years ago, my husband was in a car crash that left me a widow and a single mother of 2 teenagers. That hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I had built a huge part of my life around being the wife in a loving marriage - and from one moment to the next, that was all gone. It broke me, and for a long time, all I could focus on, was just getting through the days. However, in time, and with the help of a few great friends, I was able to gradually put my life back together again. Now I'm doing great in most ways, but one important piece is still missing - sex.
I was married for more than 20 years. When we first met, my husband and I were both virgins, and neither of us had ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. We were so innocent. Fortunately, that didn't last very long. I was always the more adventurous of us, and I made sure we had an active and varied sex life, that we both enjoyed tremendously. We watched porn together, tried out new positions, used sex toys, played sex games but we never once considered including anyone else in our activities. It was always focused on our joy together. This was great, while I had it. But it also meant that to me, sex was intricately linked to my husband. When he died, so did my desire for sex. It simply vanished. None of the things that used to get me warmed up had any effect anymore - and even my trusty vibrator just felt weird. Until a few weeks ago, that is...
I wake up one morning, feeling.. determined. I get like that sometimes - once I set my mind on something, nothing will make me budge. I have decided that I will not live the rest of my life without sex. So how to go about it? How to rekindle my flame? And with whom? It can't be through another relationship - although I am missing sex, my late husband is still the love of my life and I have no intention of messing with those precious memories. It also can't be just masturbation. I tried that multiple times over the last years, but never got more than a slight tingle from it.
So, what to do? I realize that I'm looking for something I've never tried before - casual sex, and preferably with someone I'll never see again. I know there are mobile apps and websites dedicated to just this kind of thing, but none of them appeal to me. They all seem so.. I don't know.. focused on appearances, superficial.. silly? I'm not looking for some kind of Adonis - just a nice guy. And very importantly, someone that won't get the wrong impression and take it for more than it will be. No, those sites still feel too much like dating.
A week or so passes, before I find out what to do. I need to go to a city at the other end of the country for an overnight work trip - so why not add a little pleasure to the business? I do a bit of quick googling, and find 3 forums that have postings from people looking to hook up in the local area. After a bit of contemplation, I write this:
"Who can help out a damsel in distress?
Ok, not really distress - more a damsel in... need :) I haven't had sex for more than 3 years, and I'm looking to change that. Full anonymity promised and expected. No names, IDs, pictures or videos will be exchanged. No money involved. This is exactly what it looks like - the simplest of booty calls. Appearances don't matter much to me, but you must be clean and friendly. I expect you are between 30 and 45 years old".
I add a bit about when I'll be around, then post the message in several places.
It doesn't take long before I start getting responses. There are lots of offers and quite a few that post pictures of themselves or (very often) the part of themselves they think I might be interested in... I don't want those. I'm not looking for body parts to have sex with - I'm looking for a person. There are better replies too, and some that show humour and kindness - both of which I highly appreciate. I consider a few of them, but end up focusing my attention on his one:
"Re: Who can help out a damsel in distress?
I'm no knight in shining armour, but when a woman needs help, I try my very best to please. And damsels are so rare these days - I would love to get my hands on one ;) I fully understand your desire for anonymity, and I feel the same way. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about what (I hope) we're about to do, but it's just a moment in time - nothing to do with the rest of our lives. I consider myself quite clean too, but I'll be happy to pose for an inspection."
I'm not sure what draws me to it. Maybe it is the light tone, or maybe the nice expression about anonymity - it captures exactly how I feel. We exchange a few more messages - very light and playful in nature, and before I know it, we've arranged to meet at a hotel lobby bar (not the hotel I am staying at). He will arrange for a room, in case things work out well...
The day comes around in no time. I have a bit of trouble focusing on my last meeting, since my mind is already drifting to what I'm about to do. I try hard not to set any expectations or imagine anything specific, but I am getting a little nervous and also excited. In fact, when I get up from the conference table after my last meeting, I feel my dress clinging to my inner thigh - I'm leaking! Now, this isn't all that unusual for me, I do lubricate very easily, but this is by far the most I've had in a very long time. I use my laptop to hide the dark patch, and get out without anyone else noticing - or at least I think so.
I decide to go to the lobby bar early. I don't want to be walking into the room wondering whom I'm going to meet. We haven't actually decided on any particular signals to identify each other, but I figured it wouldn't be all that busy anyway. And I was right, the bar is almost empty. One couple sitting together in a booth and a few of guys standing by the counter. I give the guys a brief look, quickly deciding that none of them are likely to be my 'date'. One of them does try to catch my eye, but he's definitely older than 45 and doesn't even try to make a move. Wanting to keep my wits about me, I order a mocktail and settle in to read some news on my phone.
About 10 minutes before the agreed-upon time, I notice a guy walking into the bar, scouting around very obviously. He looks about 30 and quite plain. A little taller than me, average build, a pleasant face, but not one you'd notice in a crowd. We make eye contact, and he walks right up to me.
"Hi there", he says, "Are you the one I'm supposed to meet?"
I nod, suddenly feeling a little shy. I see his eyes wandering down over my body and back up. Then his face splits into a huge grin.
"I.. I'm shocked," he says, "You're gorgeous!"
I laugh off the compliment, and ask, "Not exactly what you were expecting?".
"No." he responds, "I figured there was a reason you didn't want to exchange pictures or descriptions of any kind."
"You thought I would be ugly?" I ask, raising one eyebrow pointedly.
"No, no.... ok, yes. Maybe a little," he admits, looking more than a little embarrassed. He looks cute like that - literally staring at his own feet.
I give him a few seconds to recover, then ask "Now, are you still up for that inspection you promised?"
He is.
Going up in the elevator together is kind of awkward. There is definitely some good chemistry between us, but now also the realization that we are actually going through with this. For a moment, I have the urge to call it off. However, I know it's just jitters and I quickly suppress them. My date seems to pick up on it though. He steps closer and puts a hand on my arm. I feel sparks from even that little touch - shooting all the way up my arm and down my back.
"You know, we can still change our minds..", he starts to say.
Keeping eye contact, I put a finger on his lips and issue a gentle "Sssshh" while shaking my head.